Finding it hard to be sympathetic about dh’s illness

[BarracudaSharkNose]

Dh has long standing stomach issues. He’s had tests and nothing there that’s worrying.

It’s worse when he’s stressed. He’s a v stressy person. He’s ok if I’m ill but I tend not to make a fuss. He does make a lot of fuss about his stomach issues.

I’m finding it hard to be sympathetic. Any tips?

How often is it and what do you mean by making a fuss? I suffer from chronic pain and it’s incredibly wearing after years of it. It can also mean you have periods of not sleeping well at all. I was of a very sunny disposition as a person, I still am but I do complain sometimes.

There is a world of difference between being ill temporarily and being ill all the time with a chronic condition.

It not being something worrying doesnt mean its unpleasant/painful/disruptive.

What you do when you are ill is irrelevant. Because you have no idea if his pain or sickness is worse. And just because you deal with it one way, doesnt mean he has to. Being a martyr when you are I'll doesnt really get you anywhere.

He is in pain and the tests don’t show anything. That doesn’t stop his long term discomfort. He is still suffering and a long term condition can really get you down.

There are plenty of changes to diet and exercise he can try that may help with the stress and the pain.

If he tries things like giving up alcohol, eating more healthily and taking more exercise, then I would sympathise & support him. But if he just sits around grumbling but doesn’t make a reasonable effort to sort it out, then I would lose patience too.

I have IBS and have had all the tests. I have had it for over 20 years and without sounding like a drama queen I can honestly say that it has ruined my life. I can not fully commit to anything as I do not know from one day to the next if I will have a flare up or not. I have tried everything (certain diets, meds, alternative therapies which cost a fortune) but nothing helps long term, I can be ok for a week and then without warning can have a set back and feel rough again, it makes socialising and planning really difficult. Doctors and people I know are just not sympathetic at all because on the outside I look ok and tests show nothing, many non-sufferers think IBS is ‘just’ the odd tummy ache, constipation or an upset tum but it is so much more. I am currently having a flare up and feel like I have swallowed a bottle of acid, I am bloated and really uncomfortable and feel like I need the loo all the time, I’m scared to eat in case food makes it worse but an empty stomach makes things worse also, so I’m buggered, I spend most of yesterday on the sofa with a hot water bottle.
If you don’t suffer from any sort of gut issues it is hard to have any empathy or understanding but believe me, if your dh has anything like IBS then it is real and it really does have an impact an everything in your life.

Btw, I’m lucky that my dh is understanding as much as he can be and that makes the world of difference for me.

I suffer from chronic pain- it’s bloody draining and I feel I have to apologise for being such a wet lettuce all the time.

I am proactive about my health though, and take positive steps to prevent and control the pain- does your DH?

Difficult one. It is sounds quite wearisome for you, but on the other hand, just because the tests have shown anything it doesn't mean there isn't anything wrong. My BIL has Chrons and it took over 20 years to get a diagnosis. He was dismissed by multiple medical professionals during that time.

I have ulcerative colitis, trust me, going to the loo fifteen times a day is exhausting, as is being in constant pain.