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Managing finances when baby arrives

5 replies

DJAx · 04/01/2020 23:06

Hello, looking for advice about dividing finances when baby arrives.

My husband and I earn very similar salaries so we have always paid our bills 50:50 by transferring an equal amount into a joint account each month.
I will be receiving SMP when baby arrives and am planning to take at least 6 months off. We have both been saving this past year so have discussed putting an equal chunk into the joint account to act as a buffer on top of our monthly family income.
My husband plans to pay half of his salary into our joint account to cover the bills and has suggested I pay my SMP into the joint account to top-up the initial savings and then use the joint account for anything I need for personal spending. Although this plan should cover our living costs and anything extra I might need, I can't help feeling that it is unfair that he gets to keep half of his salary for personal spending - my husband says he doesn't understand what I 'need' the extra money for but for me it's more the principle that he still sees this money as 'his' rather than 'ours'.
We have also discussed what will happen when I go back to work part-time (on half my previous salary) - he has suggested I pay half of that into the joint account and keep half for my personal spending but again this will mean he gets to keep double what I will for personal spending. He says that if I ever need more for something he will be happy to pay for it but the idea of asking him for money makes me feel uncomfortable as I have never had to previously do this.

As a side note, he bought the house we live in before we met and since living together I have contributed to half of the mortgage. I greatly appreciate the large chunk of financial investment he made before we met and partly wonder if my lack of contribution to this makes things more complicated for him, although he denies this is the case. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Trees2905 · 04/01/2020 23:10

Honestly I don’t get couples who don’t see their money as family money. I earn 3x as much as my husband. It all goes into the family pot, we pay bills and the remainder we split. The house is in my name because I saved the deposit before we met and he didn’t want to go on it (complicated story) but if we split I’d give him some. You are not being unreasonable at all - it’s not your fault that the woman has to biologically be the one who carries the child and so thus has to be the one to take some time off. He is being a twat.

KatharinaRosalie · 04/01/2020 23:16

I suggest - you put everything in joint account. Pay all bills and joint (including child related) expenses from there. Transfer equal amounts to your separate accounts for your personal spends.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 04/01/2020 23:20

When we had dc1 this is when DH and I moved to having proper joint finances , IE everything paid in one place and both could use it freely. Before we had a system like yours is now.
You shouldn't be have to ask for more!

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NotStayingIn · 04/01/2020 23:21

You’re definitely not being unreasonable and you need to really fight this! Once this shit happens you are fucked financially in the long run. Remind him that the reason you will be earning less is because you are having HIS sodding child. This is such a massive red flag, honestly you will be screwed going forward if this isn’t addressed right now.

ineedaholidaynow · 04/01/2020 23:21

I would suggest the same as KatharinaRosalie. Also where does income to cover costs relating to DC come from? Not just childcare when you go back to work but clothes, toys etc

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