Husband keeps threatening to leave everytime we bicker.

[Novemberrain77]

I am unhappily married as you can see from previous posts. We have been getting on better but everytime I want to discuss money or help around house we start to bicker then my husbamd starts shouting. He told me he was going to Spain to be with his brothers last time. Today we had a discussion about money and he would not here me out and told me he was buying a flat so we had more money coming in the if we split up he would have somewhere to go. He moans no sex life but refuses to have vasectomy and said he doesn't like condoms. We have 5 children eldest 2 from my previous and at 42 I do not want anymore. The pill is not good for me (as you can tell). If I get sterilised Dr said I would need help owth the younger ones for a few weeks but my husband said he can't take time off and my mum works. Just seems everything we do he will not Compromise. He keeps on saying he will put my name on house as when he bought it he didn't think to put my name on it. I know half mine of anything happens but I feel he knows of anything was to happen he has more control. He has had bad temper in past and I am trying to get past it. He has never hurt anyone just emotionally I guess. One minute he is going and next he is staying. To save arguments about money I suggested we had a joint back account but he said no. He works hard and pays for food bills and mortgage. I top up food shopand pay kids clothes essentials my own phone kids phones window cleaner list goes on and I do work from home which is not alot of money but OK. I just feel trapped as my youngest is only 1 and a half. Supportive people only please. Some women on here can be so hurtful. Thank you

If you are not happy then I would be looking at the most amicable exit strategies you can agree on.

Yes but I can't see him being amicable

I think you should leave. It sounds awful.

Threatening to leave every time you argue is a power play. I had an ex who used to do this and in retrospect I can see it was his strategy to keep me from complaining about anything at all, because if I had a problem his response was always “well lets just break up then”. Eventually we did exactly that, and I was utterly relieved. My only regret was not calling his bluff and ending it sooner.

Can you discuss things when you aren't bickering?

Perhaps start with you being sterilised?

"I am happy to be sterilised so we can resume our sex life but it would mean you booking 10'days off work to look after me & DC. What do you think?

That probably isn't the most important issue but it would be insightful to have the conversation at a peaceful time and find out if he is prepared to do anything at all to "assist" in repairing the relationship.

Yes I keep having dreams that I am single and they feel so real and I wake up and realise its a dream and feel lousy

I have said I will get sterilised but then fell preg and miscarried. I updated him every day and one day he came home and I updated him and his response was "your beefing so much surprised your not dead" "he rolled his eyes while saying it. Yes I did go on to have a fifth but we got on better and she is heere now and beautiful. I know I have been a door mat %(

Meant bleeding not beefing

Get your ducks in a row and hope he does leave!!!

It's clear there is no going back from you so just quietly work out what you need to do to protect yourself and initiate a divorce.

Start to quietly make an exit plan

You need a solicitor.
Just because the controlling bastard didn't put your name on the house (deliberately) doesn't mean you don't get something.

Thanks Ladies XX

Well I have told him I am unhappy an dthat I find it hard to move on from things he has said. A few times he has said that he doesn't fancy me or find me attractive because we do not have sex. When I get upset by the things he says he says "why are you balling". Last time that happened he said he would go. He was on phone to his friend moaning about me. When I checked text message he said "sorry I had to go but the c**t was eaves dropping."
I said I don't want to sleep with him as fear of getting pregnant at 42 and don't want one and I don't feel attractive. My husband is 54 and should know better.