Has anyone never claimed child maintenance?

[mayaknew]

Theres a few threads going about just now about child maintenance.

I never did. He never offered and I never asked. Hes never acknowledged she even exists actually.

Has anyone else never claimed it? Do you stand by your decision or regret it?

Should have said in op it's made me think about my own situation.

Me
I had dd really young. He didn't want anything to do with her. My parents supported us financially and emotionally. His family would walk by us in the street.
We moved into our own place when I was 18 dd was 3. I worked 12 hour shifts in a factory and my parents helped me with childcare. I went on to meet DH he was the only dad she knew.

Sadly my dd died at 23, he decided to crawl out the woodwork. He actually gave a story to a reporter about how much he was devastated by dd's death. He was told NOT to attend her funeral he spent the day in the pub with his girlfriend. I was absolutely disgusted by his actions. He asked my sister for pictures of dd. According to people who know him, he's devastated by dd's death.
Looking back I'm so glad I never received any maintenance from him. We managed to get by without any help from him.

So sorry for your loss parkhead. That's awful and your dds biodad sounds horrendous. Also I LOVE your username if I'm on the right track 🍀🙃

I was also very young and lived with my parents. I sometimes wonder though if my decision making has deprived dd in any way. I dont think so but I could have given her more had I had financial help. I dont know.

I don't claim through CMS but my ex just bank transfers it me.

My mum never claimed for me after she split with my dad, no point as he had no money or stable job. I never felt I missed out as a child but I have nothing to do with my dad now.

Oh Parkhead sorry for your loss. 🍀In my case i didn't ask and it was never offered. I didn't push the issue due to worry about increasing his abusive behaviour however did regret this at times. In the end, this reflects badly on him and seriously puts shade on his reputation of being a brilliant dad!! I am an independent woman and am bringing my child up to be the same.

My ex wasn't working when I left (one of the reasons I left) so i didn't bother going for maintenance (i had a lot of other stuff going on too)
I did my best to facilitate contact but he (unsurprisingly) couldn't be bothered. Not seen or heard from him for nearly 12 years now - his loss.
Hes not paid s penny for our children since I left. Current partner is an amazing father to them & the two we have together. They chose to call him Dad.

Parkhead I am so sorry about your daughter.

I haven’t claimed maintenance form my ex because he was abusive and I am worried that it will make him angry. He is a relatively high earned so I would be entitled to quite a lot.

I haven't claimed for my daughter, we have her 50/50 so not even sure I could

my sister hasn’t. she fell pregnant by her friend with benefits and he decided he didn’t want to be involved when she made it clear she intended to
go through with the pregnancy. he refused to give her any money and she didn’t want to be constantly fighting for a pittance so decided not to pursue it. he’s now earning very good money and denying to anyone that will listen that he’s the dad.

I cannot comprehend how a non resident parent wouldn't make child maintenance their number one priority. My kids' dad pays as per the gov.uk guidelines.

@sunshineandshowers21 I always wonder if dds biodad tells people he has DC. AFAIK he has never married or had more children so presumably still dating. I wonder if when he meets people and they ask if he has kids what he says. Because although he biologically fathered her he doesnt actually have kids - but I always imagine him to be the type that would say he has a dd but evil ex doesnt allow contact.

i have a few friends in common with the dad and he refuses to acknowledge that he has a son. he was with his girlfriend for 8 months and she didn’t know he had a child until one of our mutual friends told her. of course he denied it and she believed him. he and his family have walked past my sister and her son in the street and not acknowledged them. i honestly don’t know how he justifies it to himself. luckily my dad absolutely dotes on my nephew and my nephew says it doesn’t matter that he hasn’t got a dad because he’s got his grandad.

I dont get how people can do it either. When she was younger I often would look at her and think to myself how could someone choose not to have this amazing little person in their life.

I haven’t, because ExDH doesn’t work and is on PIP. There’s no money to claim. The last time we discussed it he wanted an itemised breakdown of all costs — to the penny — spent specifically on DD (he refused to accept rent, heating or Internet as costs) and then said he might be able to manage a fiver a week. It’s much easier getting nothing and knowing I’m doing this myself.

I did a claim for maintenance, but the af never paid. I never persued it further then all of a sudden the CSA did a random update. Found him and started getting money from him, by then my son was almost a adult. So I closed the claim and asked them to write of the arrears.
With my younger children, I never claimed. My ex was an DLA and like a pp said it wasn't worth the hassle of a couple of quid a week.

My mum didn’t claim for me after she split from my father when I was a baby. If pressed, she will say that it would have been a lot of hassle for no gain. Not true, she left him the year the CSA was set up. I think it had more to do with ensuring that there would be no contact between us.

I don't know why I bother for DD. I get all of £22.70 a month for her. I don't even touch it. It gets paid straight into her savings account. DD doesn't see her father at all now. His choice.

My mum claimed for me but he was slippery so paid all of about £25 over the years. I'm late twenties now and they've just written off the debt.

I barely see him. Didn't at all for over a decade. He didn't have any other children but apparently goes on about how proud he is of me. Like he had anything to do with any of my achievements

I do. Because I wasn’t the only one to make my child and he deserves to be supported even if the mf doesn’t want to know him.

It enables me to to more with my son, when his ‘father’ doesn’t stop working again anyway.

I have no regrets, only my child has to be upset knowing my other child has his father in his life, but in a weird way it sets a good example to dc1 because he now knows not knowing your child isn’t the norm.

Re the money, I don’t see why we should go without so someone else can benefit from me being passive and not pushing for it.
Totally understand in cases of abuse or them being disabled though, there’s just no way of getting money from a stone

My mum never claimed for me or any of my siblings because my dad was on benefits his whole life so she said it was pointless. I’m considering closing the cm case I have open for my children as I don’t receive a penny anyway as ex doesn’t work or claim benefits apparently.

I wasn’t young, had my own place, close family. I never claimed maintenance for my son, I knew his dad would always have let him down and I wanted to try and spare him that. His dad was a compulsive liar and conned people, me included, any money he ever had was usually at someone else’s expense (which is why I broke up with him when I found out when my son was only weeks old) how could I have taken money on that basis. His dad knew where we were but made no effort at all to see him, i was relieved quite frankly, I actually met him through one of his siblings and thought the rest of his family were decent so offered them the chance to keep in touch, they cut us off completely as well. I met my now DH when my son was 2 and to all intents and purposes he is his dad, his bio dad did show up when my son was a teenager and my son chose to meet up with him. Leopards do not change their spots though he was all over my son for a while, and then the waste of skin actually asked to borrow money off him, my son said no I had warned him by giving him a very sanitised version of what his dad was like. He then fucked off never to be seen again. At least my son was of an age where he was better able, with my help, to deal with any feelings of rejection.
I have no regrets I was able to support my son myself until I met my DH and he was the role model I wanted my son to follow. I think worse of his bio family actually, none of them have any idea if my son is even alive, he’s fine by the way.

I didn't. He didn't want a child and was a bit of a waste of space then (he's much worse now though). I walked away and brought up my child without his assistance. Child is now 18 and I don't regret it at all. In fact, looking back with hindsight, I think claiming may have prompted contact and as it turns out he definitely isn't someone my child would benefit from knowing.

He left very suddenly as he had changed his mind about having DS, including quitting his job and leaving the area. I didn’t know where he was for quite a time and his family wouldn’t tell me anything other than he was OK and I was to stop harassing him. DS was 6 months old.

I didn’t try to claim initially as I was so headfucked by his actions that I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know I could as he had very dramatically renounced all rights to DS (via his parents). Then I got mad and thought screw him, I’ll do it without him. Part of me wishes I had gone though CSA (as was) as it would have made life a lot easier. Frankly, if Mumsnet had been around, I would have taken some very different actions as I would have known a lot more about our rights and his responsibilities.

XP has resurfaced recently and, while DS doesn’t know everything, he knows there has never been financial support. In a strange way it has helped DS maintain clarity on what he needs from his father and that words can be empty. I have to grit my teeth and control what I say as DS’s relationship with his Dad is his own, but I think the lack of maintenance has helped DS separate the wheat from the chaff as XP has tried to rewrite history.

I did. Because he abandoned DD at a few weeks old and I wanted to change her surname. I knew he wouldn’t pay; he didn’t. CMS are useless at enforcing, I also knew that.

But it meant after 2 years I could “prove abandonment” by refusal to pay CMS and change her name without his permission.

He’s made massive boasts about how I’ve never had a penny out of him.

Never wanted your money pal.