To be so worried about future?

[Thegreatunknown]

I'm so happy to be at home looking after our 2 year old until she starts preschool, but can't relax because I'm always worried about the future.

We're financially stable at the moment and have life and critical illness cover. I'm not paying into a private pension at the moment but intend to start as soon as I return to work in future. We save a small amount each month and live reasonably comfortably with enough money for DH's hobbies and money I can use to take DD out and about.

I worry a lot though about what to do work wise in the future (I had a successful career and worked my way up from bottom in corporate environment in a relatively quick space of time but the hours and commute were long), whether I'll be employable after a 3 year career break (more if we have another DC but it took us a long time before so may not be possible) and also what I would do if DH left. I hope he doesn't plan to (!) and he's really happy for me to be at home as it supports him starting his business over last year or so, as he doesn't have to worry about any childcare. However, Mumsnet tells me this is a very vulnerable situation to be in.

Have others had a career break to raise kids at home and returned to a reasonable career and also had a DH who hasn't left them for another woman?!

What about your hobbies? You need one.

I retract what I wrote - it's not just Mumsnet that tells me it's a vulnerable situation for me, I know that myself! But equally, it's the best situation for our family at the moment.

I'll have hobbies again soon, I'm working out a solution where it won't cost anything or would maybe even pay a bit at weekends but just reading in evenings or whatever is fine for now - it's not forever.

I suppose it would just be comforting to know others have found work after a career break, and the odd marriage did work out!

I have a contingency plan of sorts if it didn't

With respect you seem to be catastrophizing your situation, is this something you tend to do? Have you spoken to anyone about this?

Outwardly you seem to have a happy situation, financially comfortable. Happy child, hard working husband, good work experience to build on but it can be natural when you go through a big change in life to focus on the real or percived negatives. I do it all the time so I understand it but it is an unneccessary waste of energy.

I think BingBang is being a bit blunt, but you do need to take a bit of a step back and find a way to rationalise your situation, there is much to take pleasure in but worrying about what could be will make you miss that.

To answer your question, I've always had a job rather than a career but have managed to build up a comparatively good role compared to when I first returned from maternity and I have a lovely supportive and faithful husband who is very appreciative of the support I've given him to build his own career. Many women turn to MN for advice when in a bad relationship, but that doesn't mean that all men are bad.

and the odd marriage did work out

Crikey!

You don’t sound very optimistic about anything.

I understand it’s normal to plan for the the future but OP, please stop overthinking it . This negativity can Sicken you. You might start making assumptions based on stories you’ve read here .

Please find some other hobbies to occupy your time it can be anything.it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money.

Definitely over thinking.

As much as DH earns way more than me and therefore you could say he was in a stronger position. If I was to divorce him, he would want 50/50 with the children (he would be devastated to miss out on them growing up) but he would struggle to do that as he works long hours, commutes and works away sometimes. My lower paid job, fits around the children's childcare so I enable all of that to happen.

Basically, as much as I rely on DH, he relies on me. For totally different things but equally important.

Regarding returning to work, I went back to work after 6 years as a SAHM. I was lucky to find a term time role that plays to my skills from my old jobs.

Frankly I had more money than Ive ever had when I was a single mother. I worked just over the 16 hour threshold so I got tax credits. Tax credits top your money up considerably plus child benefit and he'd have to give you child maintenance if he left. Wouldn't worry about that. Enjoy your time with your child now