I'm questioning my want for a baby

[CuntyBumpkin]

I've been trying for 3 years with no luck. I think we decided to start trying because we had just got married and it felt like the next natural step. I didn't think about why or even if I felt I wanted a baby.

After not being successful I have had no luck with my GP listening to me. The NHS fertility clinic have rejected my referral as I have a step son.
I'm a bit tired of the dissapointment.

Now I've been thinking about why I'm trying and if I actually want a baby. I think the regret of not having one and getting older is driving it more than me being maternal. I don't get broody really.

Financially I'd be better off waiting and right now I'm not even sure I want one.

The thing is, I'm 32 this year. If I wait to get into a better financial position we are talking 5 years. By that time it will be harder and it may not ever happen.

I'm not sure what my point is really. Has anyone ever regretted not having kids?
Has anyone waiting until their late 30's and then couldn't.

I am not a good example, but I spent most of my 30's trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant and then had 3 pregnancies in my late 30's and early 40's, the first pregnancy was IVF, the 2nd and 3rd were naturally conceived in my 40's.

You may be putting up your self-defence barriers without realising it.

It’s easier for you to be questioning the money, the time, deny the broodiness etc etc than be honest and admit how hard it will be if a baby doesn’t happen for you.

There’s a Fertility Friends site you can chat on or there’s the Infertility section here on MN where there are LOADS of similar like-minded people who have thought what you’re currently thinking. They’ll help you through it xxxx

@Beckkynanny

I didn't think of it like that. I'll definitely have a look at the site, thank you so much.

@CuntyBumpkin I don’t know the answer to your question, but was just replying to say you’re not alone in feeling like this. I’ve been trying for years and had a miscarriage last year. Sometimes I want a baby so much it drives me mad and makes me so sad, then other times I wonder if I want one at all. Maybe it is a defence mechanism though. Either way I would too be interested to know if people regret not having children or if you can be happy with or without.

@KatieRobin I'm sorry you're also going through it. It's such a roller-coaster of emotions.

If I wasn't so scared of regretting not having kids, I would give up now 😔

It really is a roller coaster. The emotional drain is real. It becomes all you think about. All you can see is pregnant women where ever you go.
I know what you mean about giving up - it would almost be a relief. No more stress, anxiety, sadness and wanting.