Is it usual to have a stag/hen do when marrying for the second time?

[mumtomaxwell]

Just that really... I’m trying to work out if I’m projecting my dislike of my BIL on to the situation.

He had a big weekend abroad stag do the first time round (about 10 years ago). Now that marriage is over and he’s re-marrying and doing another weekend stag! My DH will have to go as it’s his brother, but he’s reluctant and I think we can’t afford it! In the invitation my BIL even references the first one!!

Is it the norm? I have lots of divorced friends but none have remarried.

I don't know what's the norm, but I know i'd just do something local and low key if I was married again. It seems like a massive ask for the second time around.

Not unusual. My DH went for a weekend abroad for his close mates second stag.

I don’t see why not but I’m not a big stag/hen person anyway.

I’m remarried and didn’t have a hen for either but I wouldn’t judge someone who did.

The affordability is a separate issue.

Yes I think it is. I mean it's a party, so why not?

But your problem isn't whether it's the norm, it's whether you can afford it.

It's often not just a party these days, it's a weekend abroad that you have to ask your friends and family to get in debt over.

Yup, some people I know who've remarried have had another one, although sometimes smaller the second time around. Equally I know some people who never had one

Fwiw I think your DH shouldn't feel obliged whether it's the first one or not. And anything abroad runs the risk that people won't want to spend/travel/give up annual leave so bride and groom shouldn't be surprised if there's fewer people willing to go. Is the second one abroad as well? Is it close enough that he could go to some of it? Or do an alternative evening closer to home?

If you can't afford for your DH to go then whether it's the norm or not is irrelevant. I wouldn't compare his forthcoming marriage with his first at all - best way to avoid a row.

Why wouldn’t you have another one?

If the answer is “because they’ve already had one” then that’s ridiculous because in that vein they shouldn’t be having a wedding “because they’ve already had one”.

A stag/hen precedes a wedding; how many weddings a person has had previously is irrelevant.

heartsonacake and no-one would have more than one child

Hen/ stag dos abroad are selfish. Expecting people to pay loads just to attend a crap weekend abroad.

It’s in UK but 3+ hours away so will need at least one night away. They’re planning all kinds of activities too. DH and I will need to talk about how much time/money is involved.

@heartsonacake that’s a good point! I just hate my BIL and the way he’s behaved over the years. If I could get out of this wedding without causing a huge row I would!

Your DH doesn't "have" to go. It's not the law.

Oh I hope not 😂.
Seems poor taste to mention the first one too.
Easy answer: sorry Bro I can't afford it. Will take you for a local drink/family meal before wedding to show the love though.

I think it’s in poor taste personally and unfair to put more costs on guests for a second wedding without a night away too.

The fact that the chosen venue for the wedding is going to cost us £800 to stay in for the weekend is a big factor!! We’re a family of 5, they have max occupancy of 3 in a family room and it’s £200 per night!! They live about 4 hours away so not realistic to do it in a day. A stag weekend on top feels like a bloody cheek!