For the last 6 years I've really been struggling with how my mum makes me feel. She seems to have this way of doing something so subtly that only I would notice.growing up she didn't give hugs or kisses and she wasn't want to praise you or sit and have a chat with you about boys or any other problems you may.she pretty much made you feel completely stupid if you ever cried or got upset about anything or anyone.I'll always remember the pain I felt when I family dog passed away and I sobbed on the stairs and she walked away from me. When I was 18 I fell pregnant I had been working for two years, they made it all about them until eventually I had an abortion. I had laid in my bed for a month feeling absolutely awful and crying because nobody was talking to me. It's been 13 years since that happened and and my mum has never ever mentioned it from the day I got home ma after the abortion she never even asked me if I was ok.in fact she stayed in bed in the morning when my lift arrived to take me to the hospital. I had to have a surgical procedure done because I was quite far along and and my mum actually said to me last month you wouldn't know what it was like to be put under anaesthetic because you've never been put under before.so she's either completely forgotten or refused to acknowledge so I was put to sleep now know exactly what happens.
I've always kept a relationship with her I guess I've just learnt as an adult that she makes me feel uncomfortable as a person.she has this way of calling me a sado if I go out and have fun or do anything that she wasn't able to do or didn't want to do. but at the same time she also crashed my confidence growing up because she didn't do anything with me.on Christmas morning I can remember my mum and dad used to just stay in bed when we're about 7 or 8 they didn't even get up to watch us open her presents. I can't remember my mum ever taking me to the park but I do remember spending a lot of time around my friend's houses with their parents, looking back this was because they had more fun with us.my friend's mum would let us camp in the garden and she would always do birthday parties for my friend.I was never allowed a party because mum was interested in doing one and she still says now there a waste of time.my friend's mum is the reason I went to the cinema I went shopping I went swimming I went for bike ride I went fishing went for picnics.we did have a couple of days out of year with my mum and dad but I just can't ever remember mum putting any sort of quality time into our relationship. Then as I've grown up I've realised I'm not confident in some ways.whilst all my friends new how to eat in restaurants, order food,go on a train go to parties and get dressed up i was clueless. I declined so many things as a late teen because I honestly didn't think I was part of it.my mum had always told me I had chunky legs even though I was slim, so she put it into my head from a young age that I couldn't wear nice dresses like the other girls. Then I think I don't want to be the only girl in black trousers at the party so I'd rather not go. I'm now 31 nearly and have two children of my own. She's been very annoying through the last five years of me being a mum 2. She spent most of my pregnancies telling me what to doa and what she wanted me to do. she told me not to get the baby bath that I wanted,she told me what name she didn't like on my list, she told me not to get a 4D scan and not find out the gender. I remember really wanting to buy this lovely pram set and her saying she would look like a gypsy baby and it was horrible. I didn't get one in the end. I did have my scans and stuff done and I found out what was having but I was told to keep it to myself.I managed to keep it away from them until I was 8 months pregnant and then my sister accidentally told them. Then when my daughter was born I found my mum and said she's here and my mum mocked me and said you say it like she's just got off the bus.what should have been an emotional moment between mother and daughter was turned into a silly you saying things the wrong way. She then told me traditionally the man supposed to ring. She still goes on about that now.
they've always wanted a relationship with my children but they've done absolutely nothing to have one.she only lives up the road and my dad's there at the weekend and they never asked for us to go round for tea or they never ask to take the kids to the park.when we do go around they don't particularly like mess being made they don't have any toys there in particular for my 4-year old. my 4 year old is painfully shy with them and I've told them time and time again to be patient, stop snapping at her and play with her. They just never learn.
I've never had a single hug or anything from my mum over the years. She never tells me to ring if I need anything. She won't put herself out for me at all. If I don't take the kids to them, they'd not see them but moan about it!
If I do something I enjoy like go for a shopping spree in Primark my mum calls me sad oh even though she's never been.if I cook something nice and do a new recipe my mum can't bring herself to do all that looks lovely she will say I hope the kids don't throw up. she put a picture of her new year dinner on Facebook the other day so I joined in and showed mine to mess about with her.rather than say it was nice she said I hope you can waste the meat like you normally do you're always chucking food away. She's got this from me chucking a pack of mince away because it smelled funny before the date.I've also thrown a steak away this year well last year now because it smelled off as well. Other than that we don't throw food away and she's never here to even see my fridge all my meals. I could tell it was just her way of showing off in front of her Facebook friends making out I'm her useless daughter.I think she genuinely hates it because I show more affection than her and I'm closer to my kids.
I sometimes think. Do I need therapy? Do I need to just carry on with out relationship to a minimum? The only way I can describe it is I can't be myself around her. If other people are with us I am painfully aware of myself. Sometimes if we are sat with others and I try and have a mature conversation, she says ark at you. Or if I talk to someone else Infront of my mum and have a joke or a grumble about kids. She will say hahaha I've been there four times with you lot. Don't tell me how it is. I already know. Then the minute one of mines plays up or cries in Asda she will say. I never had any of that with you. You just behaved yourselves or you got a slap.
Subject:
Why is she doing this?
Message:
For the last 6 years I've really been struggling with how my mum makes me feel. She seems to have this way of doing something so subtly that only I would notice.growing up she didn't give hugs or kisses and she wasn't want to praise you or sit and have a chat with you about boys or any other problems you may.she pretty much made you feel completely stupid if you ever cried or got upset about anything or anyone.I'll always remember the pain I felt when I family dog passed away and I sobbed on the stairs and she walked away from me. When I was 18 I fell pregnant I had been working for two years, they made it all about them until eventually I had an abortion. I had laid in my bed for a month feeling absolutely awful and crying because nobody was talking to me. It's been 13 years since that happened and and my mum has never ever mentioned it from the day I got home ma after the abortion she never even asked me if I was ok.in fact she stayed in bed in the morning when my lift arrived to take me to the hospital. I had to have a surgical procedure done because I was quite far along and and my mum actually said to me last month you wouldn't know what it was like to be put under anaesthetic because you've never been put under before.so she's either completely forgotten or refused to acknowledge so I was put to sleep now know exactly what happens.
I've always kept a relationship with her I guess I've just learnt as an adult that she makes me feel uncomfortable as a person.she has this way of calling me a sado if I go out and have fun or do anything that she wasn't able to do or didn't want to do. but at the same time she also crashed my confidence growing up because she didn't do anything with me.on Christmas morning I can remember my mum and dad used to just stay in bed when we're about 7 or 8 they didn't even get up to watch us open her presents. I can't remember my mum ever taking me to the park but I do remember spending a lot of time around my friend's houses with their parents, looking back this was because they had more fun with us.my friend's mum would let us camp in the garden and she would always do birthday parties for my friend.I was never allowed a party because mum was interested in doing one and she still says now there a waste of time.my friend's mum is the reason I went to the cinema I went shopping I went swimming I went for bike ride I went fishing went for picnics.we did have a couple of days out of year with my mum and dad but I just can't ever remember mum putting any sort of quality time into our relationship. Then as I've grown up I've realised I'm not confident in some ways.whilst all my friends new how to eat in restaurants, order food,go on a train go to parties and get dressed up i was clueless. I declined so many things as a late teen because I honestly didn't think I was part of it.my mum had always told me I had chunky legs even though I was slim, so she put it into my head from a young age that I couldn't wear nice dresses like the other girls. Then I think I don't want to be the only girl in black trousers at the party so I'd rather not go. I'm now 31 nearly and have two children of my own. She's been very annoying through the last five years of me being a mum 2. She spent most of my pregnancies telling me what to doa and what she wanted me to do. she told me not to get the baby bath that I wanted,she told me what name she didn't like on my list, she told me not to get a 4D scan and not find out the gender. I remember really wanting to buy this lovely pram set and her saying she would look like a gypsy baby and it was horrible. I didn't get one in the end. I did have my scans and stuff done and I found out what was having but I was told to keep it to myself.I managed to keep it away from them until I was 8 months pregnant and then my sister accidentally told them. Then when my daughter was born I found my mum and said she's here and my mum mocked me and said you say it like she's just got off the bus.what should have been an emotional moment between mother and daughter was turned into a silly you saying things the wrong way. She then told me traditionally the man supposed to ring. She still goes on about that now.
they've always wanted a relationship with my children but they've done absolutely nothing to have one.she only lives up the road and my dad's there at the weekend and they never asked for us to go round for tea or they never ask to take the kids to the park.when we do go around they don't particularly like mess being made they don't have any toys there in particular for my 4-year old. my 4 year old is painfully shy with them and I've told them time and time again to be patient, stop snapping at her and play with her. They just never learn.
I've never had a single hug or anything from my mum over the years. She never tells me to ring if I need anything. She won't put herself out for me at all. If I don't take the kids to them, they'd not see them but moan about it!
If I do something I enjoy like go for a shopping spree in Primark my mum calls me sad oh even though she's never been.if I cook something nice and do a new recipe my mum can't bring herself to do all that looks lovely she will say I hope the kids don't throw up. she put a picture of her new year dinner on Facebook the other day so I joined in and showed mine to mess about with her.rather than say it was nice she said I hope you can waste the meat like you normally do you're always chucking food away. She's got this from me chucking a pack of mince away because it smelled funny before the date.I've also thrown a steak away this year well last year now because it smelled off as well. Other than that we don't throw food away and she's never here to even see my fridge all my meals. I could tell it was just her way of showing off in front of her Facebook friends making out I'm her useless daughter.I think she genuinely hates it because I show more affection than her and I'm closer to my kids.
I sometimes think. Do I need therapy? Do I need to just carry on with out relationship to a minimum? The only way I can describe it is I can't be myself around her. If other people are with us I am painfully aware of myself. Sometimes if we are sat with others and I try and have a mature conversation, she says ark at you. Or if I talk to someone else Infront of my mum and have a joke or a grumble about kids. She will say hahaha I've been there four times with you lot. Don't tell me how it is. I already know. Then the minute one of mines plays up or cries in Asda she will say. I never had any of that with you. You just behaved yourselves or you got a slap.