How do I know if/when I am ready to go back to work?

[Pinkbutterfly79]

I have been off work for a few weeks after being in hospital for a week. I am still having tests to find out exactly what is happening and this and the sudden onset of my illness has triggered severe anxiety and depression. I have started taking medication and I do feel like this is helping but I am still having really bad days where I just uncontrollably cry and feel so low.

I am due to go back to work on Monday but I just don’t know what to do. I love my job and really want to go back but I am worried incase I get there and can’t cope and fall apart. My boss and colleagues are very supportive and I know they will look after me but it isn’t a job that can be done if you are upset.

I am torn between going back and it taking my mind off things and going back before I am ready, not coping and having to get signed off again.
If I am not going back I need to go to the doctor tomorrow to get another sick note but the indecision is really stressing me out.

I have never had more than a couple of days off work, once with a chest infection and another with norovirus (apart from maternity leave) and have never had a sick note so don’t have anything to compare it with as I just went back after a couple of days when I felt better. At the moment I don’t feel like I will ever feel better

Can you go back on reduced hours to start? Test the water - see how you feel.

Is a phased return an option? Start on a half day building up hours or a part week building up days? My sick record is pretty similar to yours so I haven't had experience either. But I know in my profession (teaching so pretty all or nothing) phased returns are very much the norm as the prospect of returning is often as overwhelming as returning itself .

No, I can go back on reduced responsibility but not reduced hours.
I asked if I could get the sick note extended to cover next week but go in and see how I feel once I get there but they said I can’t go in if I have a sick note.

I’d take another week in that case. You don’t want to go in then need more time off. Spend the week preparing to go back. Mentally and physically look after yourself.

I have been trying to prepare myself this week and some days feel excited about going back and getting back into the routine of work and actually doing my job - other days I am filled with anxiety and fear ( about everything not just work) I feel like I am letting people down by not being in work and putting off going back is just allowing this anxiety to win.
I am usually the most positive, upbeat person, I just don’t know where the real me has disappeared to, I feel like I am trapped in someone else’s body/mind and I don’t know if I will ever be me again.

If I go to the doctor tomorrow will they advise me if they think I should go back or will they just say it is my decision?

It's a tricky one pink. I've been in a similar situation in the past and did have a few stops and starts at going back until my anxiety improved and I found being at work a good distraction.

I think it also depends on what you do for a living. Is there definitely no way your employer could support a phased return?

Have an honest chat with your GP tomorrow, but ultimately if you don't feel ready then take more time

I think your GP will be supportive of your decision. I really think you sound like you would benefit from a bit more time to get yourself ready.

Does your employer have a proper HR function?

When people have had long periods of absence, I expect them to have a phased return to work agreed after a return to work interview. (Usually after having an occupational health referral).

Speak to your manager to find out if this is an option.

Make sure you are really ready to go back. It will be worse for you, and your employer if you need to take more time off after going back too soon.

When I mentioned a phased return to my headteacher (I work in a school) he just said I should only go back when I’m ready and if I am talking about a phased return he thinks that means I’m not ready.

To be honest it doesn’t sound like you’re ready. I have no other advice but hope you’re on the mend soon

I would explain what you mean by a phased return. It just means ramping back up to normal hours - I always recommend this to people when they are ready to return - it makes more sense.