Who here is unmarried with children and...

[Mixitupmonday]

is in a financially precarious position. ? I.e. Partner owns the property in his sole name (or sole tenant) .. and relies on their DP to provide the majority of the household income ?

Not a TAAT but following on from the assumption that Civil Partnerships will have all those in this position, able to secure legal protection of home /assets /pension rights. ?

Is your DP now keen to 'sign on the line' ? Or does it not make the slightest difference?

I am - my partner and I rent, we have an 18 month old and another on the way and I left my job as I wanted more time with my child. All the money I spend is from his earning. He’d marry me in a heartbeat anyway, I think he’s quite happy about civil partnerships as it will make me more likely to get a move on.

I suppose we're both in a financially precarious position.

Until recently, I had no income and was looking after our DD; DP has debts and no savings so couldn't rent anywhere on her own. DD's DP's biological daughter and we always assumed she'd be the one to stay home with her as a baby, but it didn't work out.

Oh, and civil partnerships don't make the slightest difference, but AFAIK we could have had one anytime anyway. DP's keener than me to get married. It is probably financially dodgier for me.

Me! I don’t really have much against marriage, just wasn’t that bothered about it. Actually, the longer I’ve been with dp (18 years now) the more I’ve dug my heels in about not getting married because I’m disgusted by the comments I’ve had (“Why would he buy the cow when you’re giving the milk for free,” “How do you know he’s not waiting for something better to come along,” etc etc)

He has all the money, assets, job etc, I’m currently a stay at home mum. We are both keen to get a civil partnership so the kids are more protected.

HenSolo I am genuinely intrigued by your post . You are one of the few people I have come across in the recent discussions on CP who seem to HAVE a choice (as in DP willing to legalise your Union) but have not protected yourself on principle.

Can you explain your thinking a bit more ? . Do you have ANY protection against DP (god forbid) got hit by a bus ? Or became seriously ill and unable to care for you all financially ? Own savings ? Inheritance? Life insurance payable to you ?
Don't have to answer if you don't feel like it, I'm just really interested in your stand against marriage at what appears to be a very precarious situation for you and the children. ?

This thread is giving me anxiety.

plaintainchips I'm sorry . I would hate to be the cause of that. What is it that makes you anxious ?

For yourself, @plantainchips, or for people on it?

I'm always a bit baffled by the Mumsnet attitude to being married. It's as though the women who got married are the clever ones and the unmarried women are in a hugely precarious position.

I have zero interest in getting married but DP and I jointly own all assets, have a solid will and LPA in place, and I've kept my career post children. I feel a whole lot happier than if I were married but had zero earning potential and relied completely on a DH for the family finances.

Me. Have been with partner about 30 years. Two children(!) now 22 and 17. I was stay at home parent until my pfb started school then very minor part-time (between 7 and 15 hours a week) evening job since. I have a pension related to this job so basically don't! And he has only started one when they became complusory for employers. No life/illness insurance. Mortgage I couldn't pay on my own.
Have to say I've always felt fine with things and he gave up asking me to marry him after 10 years or so.
If I expressed an interest I sure he'd do it. Still mulling it over, whether it is something which would be financially beneficial to us.

Takeittootheboss

Simple answe is YES !!!

Do just a little research and understand you are FUCKED if he dies or is disabled. cP or Marriage. Either is fine . One is £49 the other is £215 but PLEASE do one ASAP !!

Woeisme

I have zero interest in getting married but DP and I jointly own all assets, have a solid will and LPA in place, and I've kept my career post children.

Then that is why this post is not about you !!!

I am currently in a precarious position and reliant on 'D'Ps income as he earns 3x what I do. He wants to get married, but I don't I am planning to leave when financially able, he is idiotic with money and I'd only end up being tied to his debt no doubt. Plus if we aren't married I won't have to share my lottery win

nocliuewhattodo

Then don't marry. If there is no benefit except being tied to debts !

This thread is about people male or female, in relationships where one party has all the financial cards . If there is no benefit then don't do it !!

As long as sahp have watertight agreements in place (or have a 1920s style private income or plentiful savings) then it’s fine. The myth of the common-law wife and how many people think it’s a thing in England and Wales is quite worrying, i agree.

Comments about cows/milk etc are crass but the number of men who “don’t believe in marriage” is telling, unfortunately. I just don’t believe them in most cases tbh!

So, sorry ... what is your intention with this thread, OP?

Are you just trying to rap people over the knuckles for not getting married?

Or to tell them their ideas of being financially dependent don't count because they're not the same as yours?

I understood from the OP that you are a tiny bit homophobic - and I was assuming this was just careless rather than deliberate. Could you clarify? And, are you writing an article for the mainstream press, or for a breakaway magazine?

(I ask these questions so you can see that it might not feel very nice to be treated the way you've treated people replying to this thread.)

@Mixitupmonday well here goes I will try to explain I guess

Until we had children (4 years ago, so 14 years into our relationship) neither of us had any money or assets at all anyway so I wouldn’t have lost anything if he had died/left me. So financially there was no reason to get married (as well as being irritated by all the people telling me to get married before he found someone better etc etc as mentioned previously)

Since having children we now have money/assets and he has named me as beneficiary should he die.

Otherwise, yes if he left me I would be in trouble. I guess that just comes down to old fashioned trusting - and I’m well aware of how naive that sounds. I also come from a family of unmarried people so it just isn’t something that’s been on my radar as much as maybe for others.

Anyway, I’m now thinking civil partnership as I am aware that you can think the world of someone and trust them completely and still get fucked over.

For what it’s worth, he would have married me had I really wanted to.

I'm not but my DP is . I know he wouldn't be able to afford to live by himself if separated

We're the opposite way round...

I bought our house before we met. We have two kids and no intention of marrying (both been married before).

I have a Will that states that if I die first then DP can stay in the house til he dies,or sell it and move elsewhere. The children will inherit the house eventually and any assets
. Also,DP is going to but hasn't done it yet transfer his pension to me if he dies first.

Obviously if we married then this would change most of this which also I would be happy with and be prepared to do as we would not be more protected legally.

We don't want to marry although I'd be happy with a civil partnership. I respect his reasons not to marry and he does mine also.

'Common law' partner is still an option on car insurance comparison sites. Bloody stupid if you ask me!