Toddler absolutely destroying my house- survival tips?

[HaggardMumofToddler]

I know this is far from a unique situation but my 18 month old is killing me.

I live in quite a small 3 bed (more like 2.5 bed) and it genuinely looks like a bomb has gone off no matter how much I tidy.

I work 3 days a week so it’s not like she’s here all the time but I still can’t manage to keep on top of it.

I follow the usual toddler routine- out twice a day to park/ groups or softplay otherwise she goes completely wild!

It’s just the constant getting into everything, toys strewn with missing parts, mud from pram, debris from lunch/ snacks. Clothes! Bloody washing is always on the airer. I struggle to clean as I go as she needs constant attention. I had a friend come over the other day and I was genuinely so embarrassed because this just isn’t me at all.

How can I learn not to care? I feel like it affects my mental health terribly.

Less toys. We really limited what we had available and then it had to be packed up before the next box was started. Both mine did it from a young age which helped as they got older. A playpen also helped as I could leave DS with a couple of toys and CBeebies and have a quick run around sorting jobs out.

We tend to whizz around the lounge when the kids go to bed. Have a tidy up and put away just for 20mins or so. I also hoover at this point while there's nothing on the floor.

I tend to go for surface clean rather than clean, clean when the kids were little. Big packs of surface wipes made cleaning quick and easy. I'd clean the bathroom while our pre-schooler was in the bath. Old enough to play in the bath but needed an adult in the room. So I'd wipe all around etc while he was playing.

De clutter
But learn to live with a level of mess - kids play so toys will be out but we did tidy up time before lunch and before dinner.
It’s hard going. I live in a small 3 bed with 4 kids so you can imagine how much stuff we have and washing never ends with my uniforms and kids school uniforms bedding etc never ends. There is very little storage too. Set aside a child free day to de clutter and stick things on eBay/charity shop etc and I agree with the too many toys thing. Alternate them, donate any she doesn’t play with much or if you have a garden pop some outside I had a big outdoor box thing which was fab.

It'll be a bomb site until they're older! Try not to worry too much, and the advice of pp is spot on.

I know the feeling, we’re in a 2 bed flat with a toddler. The things that help us stay sane:

Good toy storage. One activity out at a time, clean up (get her to help, toddlers love cleaning up) before a new one comes out. If a toy is missing parts and broken then chuck it. If it’s not played with but in decent condition then donate it.

Food only to be eaten at the dining table. Clean up after every meal should then be easy as it’s in one area.

If she does things like takes books off a bookshelf or open drawers then get her to put things back with you helping over and over. She will learn.

Tumble dryer for laundry.

20 minutes of TV whilst you tidy is fine.

Return the living space to adult every night after she’s gone to bed with all toys away and every tidy. We alternate so one does her bath and the other tidies. This really helps us stay sane!

Thank you I’m definitely trying to de clutter as I hate ‘stuff’. To be fair she doesn’t really play with a lot of toys! She likes her babies and ball pit but otherwise it’s pots and pans.

We have a playhouse in the garden and some astro but it’s all looking a bit bleak out there. Bring on spring! We have a tumble dryer but it’s under the stairs and unfortunately too much crap in the way to even get to it.

I do snacks at her table in the living room but it’s just the lunch prep/ high chair and food mess (we’ve always done BLW) that just feels like one big mess I can never clean up.

I do feel like it shouldn’t be this much of a struggle- it could be a lot more of a challenge as after all we do only have one child.

DH doesn’t have the same standards as me, and although he does do a lot around the house I feel like he would happily live with everything just out on the side. He’s good at cleaning but not putting stuff away and it drives me crazy!

Things that helped me with my first was playtime in the morning and then tidying everything away before going out. A packed lunch and then out for the day (really only a few hours of playgroup, park and shops) so coming home to a tidy flat felt a lot more manageable.

Then as a PP said, fully tidy up before bedtime so that when they’re in bed, you feel like the space is adult again.

It really might be worth decluttering around the tumble dryer to access it as they’re a god send!

If/ when you have more DC, you might be like me and just care less.

I guess your routine does influence effect on your house. I could never be bothered coming back and forth - playgroup, home, park, home - so would pack a lunch and be out for about 10.30 each day and be out out until about 2.30. Playgroup and then long run around in the park unless it was torrential rain. That felt like less effort to me 😂 So when we got home, we’d play for a bit with trains or dinosaurs and then I’d go potter around doing chores and making dinner. Things felt more manageable that way - felt like I was only cleaning the kitchen twice after breakfast and then dinner. I can imagine it feels like you’re cleaning up three times for three meals at home.

That said - being out for a big chunk of the day is not for everyone!

We found getting proper toy storage helps, with a defined place for everything to go back. It means that when you can only find half of something, you put it in the proper drawer - and then when the other half of it later turns up you can still find the first half. It also means tidying up is faster because you know where stuff goes. Ours has small drawers you can take out (www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/trofast-storage-combination-with-boxes-white-s29042877/) which we find means it's easier to control how much comes out at once / tidying up as you go along.

Like others, we tidy up everything every evening because if we don't it gets completely out of control.

I really do need to unblock access to our tumble dryer but there’s just no space for anything. I’m thinking we need to get a massive shed in the garden or something!

I think part of why I struggle is that DD still isn’t very ‘portable’ if that makes sense, never has been. Hates car/ pram but obviously is too little to walk everywhere. She also needs a 2 hour nap in her cot. I can manage an hour at playgroup but if I ask to much of her all hell breaks loose.

I sometimes wish she’d waited a bit longer to have her and moved to a bigger house with a playroom- but I’m sure I’d still face the same challenges!

I think those ikea storage containers look great.

I've got 2 toddlers... currently sat in my hombsite of a living room praying for 6.30 when they go to bed... I'm too knackered to clean tonight but will tidy!

No advice but sympathy. I have a 2.5 year old and I'm sitting in my living room which looks like a bombs gone off. I recently spent £200 on new blinds for the house (this is a lot of money to me I'm single and unemployed) and she's absolutely destroyed them ripped all the chains and pulling the weights from them. She rips anything made from paper, throws everything she gets her hands on I'm at the end of my tether. I am sick of constantly tidying up it's like groundhog day. Once she's in bed I'll do it but as soon as she's up in the morning it will look like I haven't done a thing.

Make her clean up. If you fill a spray bottle with vinegar and water it wouldn't matter if she drunk it and if you are relaxed about wasting paper towels or doing the odd bit of unnecessary washing of j cloths she can crack on 'cleaning'. It won't be terribly helpful but will buy you time to clear up, and eventually she will actually get to be vaguely helpful. You can make them put stuff in the bin for you, too, and they think it's fun. I am dreading when DD finally realises we are not letting her have exciting treats by allowing her to use the bin, but rather we are exploiting her.

My SIL bought her son a mini hoover for his second birthday. He was very into the hoover.

Is your child a tipper? Do they tip everything out but dont play with it?
Discourage this. Toys sorted into boxes as other have said. (Sorry not read all replies).
Half boxes elsewhere, shed, mums etc. Rotate.
Maybe give them a cupboard of household objects and few toys they can tip.out and put back.
One box out at a time , when they have played with toys, get them to help you put them away. If they dont like it you are firm. Time out etc.
Encourage them to actually play, best way to do this is to play too for some of the time.
Have a set routine in the day. Mornings up, breakfast, some toys out and play while you clear up, put wash on. Out for an activity, park, walk, club. And toddlers can walk, no buggy, reins and make it a game too. Can you find a blue door, collect sticks, leaves etc. Lunch, nap and another play session, new box, snack and change activity, eg short walk, new box of toys.
Consider messy play ideas. Lots of ideas online for one activity each day.
Good luck , they are only little for short while, soon be teenager and dont come out of their rooms

Storage that is easy to throw stuff back into - a kallax from Ikea or just some big baskets to throw stuff into quickly.

The food mess and washing is just a kid thing, my eldest is 6 and it's a lot better now but I still have the messy 3 year old to contend with.

My answer is toy boxes.

Each one with a set in and labelled.

Only have 1/2 available. Then rotate.

If she asks for another one then first one gets tidied first.

Shower caps by sore for buggy wheels.

Clothes aired can be put into the spare room and all washing etc can be stored there.

But yes, you do have to get use to the difference in living mess. I found having a good whip round for 15 minutes in the evening before I settled down helped. Sitting in a tidy house helped me de stress.

It sounds like a mix of too much stuff and not enough storage. If everything has a place it can more easily be put back there.

Gaining access to your tumble dryer will make a real difference. I hate having washing hanging off every radiator and a clothes horse in the lounge. Each morning put on a wash, then straight in the dryer when done then when she is napping fold/hang and put away. I don’t iron. If you’re putting off putting clothes away because drawers and wardrobes are full then you have too many clothes. I took loads to a charity shop and now it’s so much easier to put things away.

I also have bins/charity bags in lots of locations so when I find something broken, too small or no longer useful I can get rid of it straight away rather than thinking I’ll take it to charity next time I go (because inevitably I won’t).

Is your child a tipper? Do they tip everything out but dont play with it

Mine would open cupboards and pull everything out.

As fast as I tidied away he would have upended a few more boxes or emptied a few more cupboards

I ended up going out for the day.

If we weren’t at home the only mess was the day befores mess

Ds walked at 9 months and refused a buggy from then on.

I was extremely ruthless about toys, my DS had very few & I would insist on putting toys away when finished before getting anything else out. As much time as possible outside the home, playgroups, swimming, park, season ticket to zoo etc etc. A ‘ball pit’ in a small house sounds far too big. If DS was given ‘big’ toys at Christmas or birthdays I just moved them on .... doesn’t seem to have had any adverse effect, he grew to love sports (which took him out of the house) & now happily at uni.
I do think some children have massive amounts of toys which really aren’t necessary. I used to visit a friend & her living room was totally full of ‘toys’, in addition to what was in the child’s bedroom.

I am dreading when DD finally realises we are not letting her have exciting treats by allowing her to use the bin, but rather we are exploiting her.
I love this, so true!

And OP, sorry but I can’t believe you have a ball pit in a small house! Sounds like a nightmare, aren’t you constantly fishing them out from under furniture?!

*Mine would open cupboards and pull everything out.

As fast as I tidied away he would have upended a few more boxes or emptied a few more cupboards*

Yes this is DD! It’s not so much her toys she’s trashing it’s just the house in general. I have just put some toys we don’t need on marketplace though. The ball pit does fold down so it’s not too bad. I’m going to put the pram back in my car and store it in there as she barely uses it now.

DD has always been a live wire. She has been confidently walking since 10 months or so but if we go without pram, then it’s the tantrums/ wanting to go in peoples gardens etc. that’s the problem. Then she’ll get tired if we go too far, as she runs not walks! Then I get stuck as she refuses to move and won’t be carried so I end up having to try to carry her back hysterical/ shoes falling off thrashing around etc. it’s just a mess. Then even if I take the pram I have to force her in it and she’s hysterical which is just upsetting for both of us. Luckily we have a decent muddy puddle at the end of the road and costa isn’t too far so sometimes I can bribe her with a gingerbread man.

Hopefully in a few months she will be able to walk for longer more safely, the weather will improve and I will get to go out more.

Thanks for all the advice it’s been a shit day because she skipped her nap, one of those days when you just sit and cry but tomorrow will be better.

I had 2 quite close together.

They are both working now but they do remember running around and not wanting to use the buggy (bought a double buggy that I used once)

I would look on enviously at mothers pushing their children in their pushchairs and being able to get places fast.

My life was in slow motion apart from when they suddenly ran off into shops.

Ended up getting reins for the 2 of them and attaching them to extendable dog leads.

They both agree that they were nightmare children but they did love me.

They had no idea why they did any of it. They just knew at the time they were having a great time.

Getting rid of toys wouldn’t make any difference as they were upending paperwork or pans or food.

Have boxes for different days and spread the toys out amongst them and rotate them daily. As soon as they start to get bored of toys they trash them or fling them about. Try a mix of toys in each box so a puzzle/game, something creative, imaginary play (even just a dressing up outfit) and even if everything comes out of the box it’s not that much and it all gets thrown back in the box before leaving the house or at the end of the day. That way all the pieces are at least contained in the box and not over several boxes

Wait till you have a teenager!

God I've read this and felt like I'm getting parenting completely wrong.
We have a chest in the living room, a chest in DS's bedroom and a small box in the kitchen. All toys. But all his toys are individual things - stacking cups, sorting rings, car track thing - we end up with loads of them out by the end of the day. And he doesnt really play anyway - he just wants to walk round the house. The ball pit buys me a couple of minutes.

Am I doing this all wrong?