This is a bit long so apologies.
I’ve struggled with depression since my first child was born 17 years ago. I’ve been very up and down over the years and also struggle with anxiety. The father of my youngest 2 children was verbally and emotionally abusive and cheated on me numerous times. I finally threw him out 5 years ago and haven’t seen him since. I feel like part of me died with that relationship, I’ve not been the same since. I struggle with closeness, become a negative person, have no confidence or self asteem and comfort eat.
I’ve had 2 lots of therapy and towards the end of my sessions this year I decided to start small and lost 2 stone. Things started looking up and I felt a little better in myself. Then 3 weeks ago my little sister took her own life. She had also struggled with her mental health and we understood each other, but as I was starting improve a little she didn’t want to talk to me about how she was feeling as she didn’t want to bring me down. I feel heartbroken and like I failed her. My anxiety has shot back up, I feel massive guilt, can’t sleep and feel worse than ever. This needs to change. My dad has enough to deal with now without worrying about me too, plus my mood affects how I am as a mum/person.
So I plan on going to the drs Monday and also referring myself for more therapy. I might look into support groups also but need to get a hold of my anxiety first. Before my sisters death I had planned to join a gym and start C25K which I need to stick to as I know it’s good for mental wellbeing.
What else can I do to improve my mental health and be more positive and happy? I know it will take time and I need to grieve properly first but I need to start small sooner rather than later.
There’s so much I want to change about my life but this thread is long enough as it is.