My 10 year old hates his body

[Its2020]

He struggles with sport and physical things generally, eg, riding a bike. When he said he hates his body we spoke a bit more and he said he feels like he is his "head" and his body isn't part of him. That it lets him down. In conversation he acknowledged he quite likes trying to wear "cool" clothes and thinks his body sometimes looks good.

I'm trying to think of ways in which he can feel better about himself. I do try to buy him some fashionable clothes as I know this is something he likes. Thankfully there are also times he couldn't care what he likes like and is just a kid. I also do what I can to encourage his interests, eg, various collector things. He takes pride in achieving well academically. But I'm a bit stuck on the body positive stuff.

He doesnt strike me as a depressed child and he can talk about his feelings but I am aware the teenage years approach.

It's really good he can talk to you about it. I'm not suggesting Internet diagnosis but have you considered a coordination issue such as dyspraxia or another spld? My body doesn't always do what it is told with sports, bike riding etc and it can be frustrating even as an adult, although as I've got older I've got much more accepting of it, especially when I found out there might be a "proper" reason behind it.

I realise the issue here is more his body image and mental health, but I think maybe having an understanding of different people's bodies and brains working in different ways might help?

He sounds like me when I was a child. I have dyspraxia which made sports and being coordinated in general difficult for me.

Does he have a physical diagnosis of something? Might be worth speaking to the gp. Also speak to the gp about a referral to camhs. Speak to school see if they have an Elsa he can speak to or see if there is a local counselling charity in your area. If there is a physical think then camhs are pretty could at getting occupational therapy involved and cognitive testing done aswell

How much work has he actually put into whichever physical activity he wishes he could do?

I think kids have a tendency to watch people on youtube or whatever scooting or skateboarding or surfing and think they should be that good/ look that cool from the get-go. Maybe read 'You're Awesome' by Matthew Syed with him.

Ime of ds's (8) I have found doing boxing has helped their mh immensely op. 10 is old enough to start. It really isn't about violence at all.

speak to the gp about a referral to camhs

In many areas CAMHS are so stretched it's hit and miss if you'll get an appointment for a child who is actively attempting suicide. Being a bit pissed off about not being naturally sporty is unlikely to cut it.

Second the Syed book recommendation. Martial arts class of some sort would also be good. Lots of repitituon to master the moves

He had been tested but no diagnosis. This was a few years ago. He has had a lot of help (physio, laptop at school etc) so I haven't ever worried about a diagnosis, although I think he would quite like a label for when his friends ask questions. I have been wondering about the mental health aspect. I wasn't sure if at his age me trying to get the parenting right was the first step before counselling help. I am not sure if it is warranted just now. He gets very positive feedback from school in terms of socialising and confidence. Great school, interested teachers. I've also tried to work on resilience. Its something to consider though.

DS1 hated his body when he was 10. He has always been very sporty but think rugby physique whereas all his friends were tall and skinny. He felt very uncomfortable in his own skin-wanted to wear the same cool clothes as everyone else but nothing fitted him for example he could never wear skinny jeans.

Fast forward 4 years and he’s now 14 and so much happier in himself. He’s now 6ft tall and puberty has been very kind to him. He is a gorgeous looking lad and is finally seeing it for himself.

Has he had his hand eye coordination tested? It’s an advanced eye test. There are simple exercises that can be done to strengthen the eye muscles and this can make a difference.
Ds1 has this. Was very weak and unable and unsporty as a tween. Then puberty kicked in and he now now much stronger and loves sport is is good at it.
So there is hope

Book recommendation looks interesting thanks. Not sure about hand eye coordination. Good to read that it's not uncommon as a phase kids sometimes go through.