I've failed at life

[TooTiredForThisShite]

Sat here. Approaching my 40s

Morbidly obese
Depressed
Riddled with anxiety
Not worked in 2 decades
No friends
Broken marriage
Messy house
No self esteem
No joy in my life
Can't give my kids and new experiences
Never been able to take them aborad
Last family holiday was a shitty caravan a few years ago

I wish I had the guts to end it but I could never do that to my kids.

I feel like I'm just wait g to get old and die and it's not happening fast enough.

I'm a loser.

You haven't failed at life, you really haven't, this time of year is hard as we're all meant to be 'living our best life' and 'making memories'...nonsense really!

They'll be some wiser posters along shortly, didn't want to read and run.

You have raised your kids and survived a broken marriage. Raising children is a job in itself with transferable skills. Forties is not old. You are in a tough place but you’ve been in tough places before now and come through. You can again.

You have not failed!

I want to say lots but this TED talk says it best www.ted.com/talks/lori_gottlieb_how_changing_your_story_can_change_your_life/transcript?language=en

You haven't failed you're still in your 30's you can make small steps one at a time and give you and your kids the life you want and deserve.

Use this next decade to turn things around!

You can fix some of these but you are not a loser. You are worth a million pounds to your children and their lives 💕💕💕

I was so sorry to read your post, please don’t despair. You are not a loser. Many of the things you have listed can be worked on little by little trust me.

Weight - I know first hand how difficult it is to lose weight but I too am nearly 40 and I finally managed to lose 4 stone this past year. You can do it. I asked my GP for a referral to slimming world (10 sessions free). Everyone was so supportive and a way to get out of the house for an hour a week and talk to like minded people.

Depression & Anxiety - I too have suffered with this on and off all my life. Please speak to your GP about this, there are so many things they can do to help you but you need to reach out.

Once your depression is under control, you will be able to build your confidence and maybe start something like training or volunteering. This could also lead onto making lasting friendships as well as helping you seek work.

I too feel bad about approaching my 40’s and feel like I’ve achieved next to nothing. My biggest regret is not having children and after losing the weight I have started IVF and hope this might be successful next year. Being 40 isn’t a bad thing, it could be the best part of our lives if we try and think positive.

Your kids need you and love you. Please don’t forget that. Make 2020 the year you change things for the better and begin to get some joy back into your life.

I understand how you feel, I don’t feel like a failure for the same reasons but I’m struggling too. Just know to your children, you mean the world. That thought is what is keeping me going today when it feels like things are falling apart.

xMorbidly obese
Depressed
Riddled with anxiety
Not worked in 2 decades
No friends
Broken marriage

Yes

Messy house

Yes

No self esteem

Yes

No joy in my life

Yes

Can't give my kids and new experiences

Yes

Never been able to take them aborad

Yes. But 'abroad' isn't all that.

Last family holiday was a shitty caravan a few years ago

Yes. Same here.

You are not alone, OP. It's shit. But you are not alone.

You can begin to fix a few of those.
Tackle the mess in baby steps. Sort One drawer? A few extra things in recycling? Some bits to the charity shop?
Your diet - cut out or cut down a bit, just tiny changes.

Small improvement will make a difference to your mental health.

I wanted ice cream tonight. I had fruit instead. For me it was a win It's little things that will add up.

Would you ever make a long list like that about someone else? I bet you wouldn't say any of those things about someone. Please remember to be kind to yourself and stop judging yourself. You seem to be going through a dark time. Allow yourself to feel like that and stop adding layers of hate.
New Years is bollocks in my view. Don't be fooled by it Xxx sending positive thoughts ☀️🌻

There seems to be a lot of things you want to change, which can in itself seem overwhelming and so you give up or lack motivation to even start.
Focus on one thing to change, just the one, achieve it, feel positive and then that will give you the encouragement to tackle the next thing.
It's so easy to feel down and reflective this time of year. Many of us struggle with insecurities and feelings of failure. You are absolutely not alone.
I find making lists/ diaries helps with targets etc.
❤️

Have you tried anti-depressants?

You are NOT a loser! And you are definitely not alone, I feel shit about some of the things you mention.

You can fix things. They will only stay the way they are unless you do something about it. Start with the smaller things first, tackle one thing at a time. Make 2020 the year to start.

Join Weightwatchers / slimming world etc. you don't have to go to groups if you don't want , you could join online, weight watchers connect forum is amazing support, buy some scales and weigh at home. There are always plenty of offers on for memberships.

2&3) Have you been to the GP for any kind of medication / cbt? You can buy books to read (I get second hand from eBay for a fraction of the cost) some of those types of books are brilliant for depression / anxiety. I would see gp too though, attack it from as many angles as poss. I would make an appointment at the drs as soon as possible, Im not suprised you have no joy in life with depression and anxiety everything will feel much worse than it is.

Messy house, you can change that! Start with a massive declutter of all the shit, do a room at a time, if it takes months so be it.

Keep posting OP!

As a pp has said, tackle one thing at a time. The one thing that will really make a difference, is to lose some of the weight. Slimming World or WW will help. And as the weight goes, you'll be able to make a start on other things. You might be able to look at getting a job. Or tidying up the house a bit. Come on, go for it! It's the start of a new decade!

Most of the things on your list applied to me 2/3 years ago, however things change.
I'm now overweight rather than obese,
Less depressed
Still anxiety issues but I've come a long way
Started work again 3 months ago ( thanks to CBT and a lot of hard work on myself) after years of severe anxiety issues and being unable to work
Made one good friend this last year through getting out and exercising after years of having no friends
Still have relationship issues unfortunately
Self-esteem improving through getting out more, losing weight and improvement in mh.
Our last holiday was in a caravan- it was still a holiday and it's something a lot of families would love.
Hoping to save for holiday abroad next year ( this year we can have days out locally- even days in the park with a picnic are experiences)
What I'm trying to say is things change. We are always evolving.
2/3 years ago if someone told me I'd be where I am now (even though my life to others may look poor) I would not have believed them.
In a years time, with small changes, your post will look very different am sure.

Orrr:

I'm a lovely mum who'd like to find ways to give the kids some new experiences next year. It's been a tough decade but I've finally got out of an unhappy relationship and I'm proud of myself for how far I've come. I'd like to lose a few pounds, address my admittedly messy house and find some new friends... positive suggestions for how to achieve my hopes are welcome!

OP, I absolutely know how hard it can be to think positively when all you can see are negatives but I read your post thinking what a lovely mum... I bet your kids loved that caravan holiday.

Small steps can make big changes. If you let us know roughly what area
you're in I bet some people will have specific suggestions of places you can contact for support in 2020.

I wish you a very happy new year, I hope that the new decade is the start of a much happier time for you and your children.