Feeling at rock bottom tonight

[Checkthemeaning]

I just need to talk to people if this is an ok space to do that?

My husband ended our marriage in September and the last three months have been horrendous as we've had to live together part time (he has two kids and stays in the house when he has them). Our relationship has completely deteriorated to the point where he will tell me he wishes I didn't exist anymore & that I fully deserve everything that's happened. He has no empathy for me now & states he hates me like he's never hated anyone.

I have found a house to buy but this will take time. His kids won't talk to me as they've heard us argue and naturally take their dads side. I'm basically sat in my bedroom the majority of the time so I don't bump into the kids or him in the house. It's so so awkward.

I'm sat here on my own (my choice I admit) just mourning everything that I've lost this year and I just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel tonight. I feel like I'm being forced to live a life I don't want & I do still miss him (for my sins) but he's made it pretty clear he can't wait to have me out of his life

Can anyone offer words of wisdom or advice as I'm feeling as low as I can be right now. Thankyou

Make 2020 your year. You might feel you have wasted 7years but you will find they have been an education

@Checkthemeaning - I understand exactly where you’re coming from , I even told ExH he could carry on his affair if that’s what it took, fear of the unknown talking. I’ve now remarried and have a 12 yr old dd, ExH and I actually get on really well now, despite it being very acrimonious including court case for custody of Ds.
In fact I’ve even been told by a friend he admitted a few years ago he didn’t know when he was well off
It will get better, you’ll get to like your own company and it will be a relief when you actually settle in your new home ( although I know it doesn’t feel like it now)
You will never be as lonely on your own as you are in that house now

Thank you so much floffel. I will look at this right now!

As my dad keeps saying...when you're at rock bottom the only way is up right?

I also split from my partner in September (although I don't have to see him) I miss him loads (think its the adult presence and the person he was when I met him not who he became). I find two things help a list of things I need to do (practicality) also plans for future (currently renovating house now on my own) - use pintrest or similar to put ideas together (perhaps you could plan a visit to ikea or b and q get some ideas for your new home). It's kept me motivated at times.
I also think it's important to acknowledge your emotions and its OK to wallow at times just make sure you pick yourself up and continue on.
Have you thought about ways to prevent being lonely (meeting new people, new hobbies, changes in routine, accepting more invites). This could start before the move and mean your out the house more when h and kids are there.
Best of luck in your new home and rest assured you'll get through this taking one day at a time.

thinking of you and sending love; it sounds corny but feelings are transient - they really do pass and this will. do whatever soothes you - music? rubbish tv? food? warm drink? blankets, cosy dressing gown, doing something with your hands such as drawing, dance on the spot....make a list of all the difficulties you've come through in the past since the day you were born - they can be small ones, reflect on them - what does this say about you - it says youre strong and you can do it again xxxxxx

think of all your achievements, small ones included, again what does that say about you? its brave to say youre feeling shit and youre right to reach out to other people like this cos sometimes people think they have to go through bad stuff all on their own and you dont xxx

I'm with you. Things are shit, this will change. But it's OK to wallow for a bit. I certainly am tonight.

OP so sorry for your situation.

I have an inkling how you feel - split up with DP going on three years ago. For various reasons to do with DD school, him refusing to move out still sharing a house (luckily quite big.) I have had all the same as you - him saying he hates me etc. At first this used to devastate me but honestly that's all part of the process, I've gone through all that missing him, missing what we had and come out the other end. I can honestly say I don't miss him or what we had, it's all in the past for me. It will get better, I loved him so much when we were together but now I can't recognise that person, I can't believe I had these feelings for that idiot.

I much prefer me now 😁.

House is under offer at last (he refused to sell and blocked a sale repeatedly) and hoping hoping it all goes through ok and I will out in March, leaving me and DD to make a fab future. I'm so excited about it and you will be too one day, tucked up in your cosy house.

It's NYE emotions will be heightened, we're all supposed to be having the time of our lives etc, it's very difficult.

I am home too, though I have lovely DD next to me chomping on snacks!

Be lenient on yourself, I've found it helps to admit you're not great sometimes, that you can't be Strong all the time. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Just think about your lovely new home next year, this time next year you WILL be a different person, and that's good.

So sorry you’re feeling like this. Everyone else has said all the useful stuff so I just want to say hang on in there. Much love from me and my stinky dog ❤️

Big unmumsnettt hugs. You will never feel as lonely again as you do now. Promise.

@Checkthemeaning - how are you feeling this morning?

Vintagevixen, I identify with so many of the things you said - Thankyou so much.

Floffel- Thankyou so much for checking in on me. I feel pretty subdued this morning. If I compare this New Years to the last one I still can't believe this is my life. I just need to find the strength from somewhere to carry on.

He doesn't actually sound like a very nice person. Tbh, you're probably best off without him. I know it's hard, but look on it as your opportunity to escape a lifetime of misery, which is what it would have been. As they say, today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Singlenotsingle - some of the things he's called me and said to me have been pretty horrific to be honest. I just don't know how I could have ever loved someone who says the things he says to me today. Maybe I deserve it.

@Checkthemeaning - no-one ever deserves to be treated and spoken to like that. What are your plans for today? Do you have someone you could meet with? Or go somewhere busy/jolly for a change of scene? What do you enjoy?

Also, if you haven’t already, do take a look at the freedom programme

It’s free - www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

OP others are right, he really sounds like a horrible person. In fact abusive. This time next year you will be able to see that, I see that every day now and wonder why I put up with it.

In no way, shape or form do you deserve it please don't think that. There's a really good thread on the relationship section of the forum called "listen up people" spelling out what everyone deserves in a relationship, saying that everyone deserves to be respected ( I would link to it but I'm useless at these things!) I go back and read it regularly to remind myself!

No wonder you feel subdued, can you get yourself out for a few hours for a walk or do something nice? Concentrate on planning for your new house and future. Your emotions will get better, it's only been since September yoyee still in the shock stage.

Much love x

OP if you go to the relationship section the thread I'm talking about is right at the top as it is a Mumsnet classic, it's called "right, listen up everybody." It really resonates with me. Will work out how to link other threads one day.....

If you are in a relationship, each person should try to make the other one happy. Otherwise, what's the point? If you are unhappy, it's a complete waste of time. If he's speaking rudely or cruelly, he's actually doing the opposite. There's a saying, " a happy wife means a happy life". I'm glad you're leaving - ASAP. That goes for you too, vintagevixen. Get out. He doesn't love you.

How are you? @Checkthemeaning