I feel like a failure

[aliensprig]

Sorry didn't know where to post this.

I had my son a week ago and since then I've felt like I've fallen at every hurdle. The birth was the complete opposite of what hoped for, not that that matters - stressful induction with epidural and ventouse delivery, antibiotics throughout due to suspected strep, 1.5L blood loss. Barely any skin to skin, they took my son straight away to be weighed without asking me. 4 days in the delivery ward with other families from hell, no sleep, failed at breastfeeding (bad latch, poor supply, sore nipples), absolutely exhausted with low iron. Got discharged Christmas day and have felt like crap ever since. DH basically doing everything for our son, including night changes and formula feeds as I can't physically wake up once I'm asleep.

This is literally the lowest I've ever been and feel like I'm drowning in guilt and feeling useless. Midwives have so far been pretty rubbish in all honesty, no one has shown me how to latch baby effectively or checked him for tongue tie/thrush. My pumping output hasn't been good enough to sustain baby on further than one feed a day.

I guess there's no real point to this post other than to appeal for people to tell me this is all normal and it'll get better, cause at the moment I can't see further than the hell I'm in now

Ah love, this isn't normal, but it's still OK. You've been through so much physically as well as mentally.

La Leche people are very good if they're contactable over the holidays.

Have lots and lots of skin to skin. Try and get up and have a shower every day and move to somewhere comfy where you can coorie in. A bit of fresh air every day will also be a great help, quick walk round the block if nothing else. Your DH sounds marvellous, let him keep going.

It will pass.

It will get better.

You've brought him to the world safely.

I had ventouse and awful birth and found it hard too with coming to terms after. Mine is a big 8 year old now! It'll be OK. Be kind to yourself . Xx

Oh love, you're being way to hard on yourself, you've just had a baby! Huge congratulations btw.

Did you have blood transfusion? Also make sure you take supplements to help recover.

You can still do lots of skin to skin, if you still want to breast feed there are some helpful specialists, I'll look for a link in a minute. With your milk supply you need to drink a lot of water, 3-4 litres as a minimum. Oats, flaxseed, dark chocolate are also good for supply as is fenugreek tea.

Also, the baby blues is real,for many of us, I felt the same for a while but things did improve.

Pleased your husband has stepped up but sorry your not being supported by healthcare professionals.

Sending big hugs

Link as promised www.laleche.org.uk/

It will get better even though it feels like it never will. The days will pass and you will get there

www.kellymom.com/ is also a great resource for breastfeeding help. She covers everything, including tongue tie and thrush. Agree with pp, have a shower, take baby for a walk, gave lots oh skin to skin. It's just a important now.
Big hugs to you.

www.laleche.org.uk/positioning-attachment/

I found my local sure start centre really helpful in the first few weeks. It's free and the breast feeding support was much better that at the hospital. You are not a failure it is bloody hard x

Aww so sorry op. Keep going with the pumping, if you want to. Little and often, imitate a newborns demand. Drink plenty of fluid it makes a big difference. Try and have lots of skin to skin, strip off baby and you, take a bath together. Are there any breastfeeding groups you can contact, an approachable midwife who can get you some help with latch. GO should be able to prescribe something for thrush it's very common. My local Surestart centre were great with feeding groups and help, far better than midwife. Go see your GP, talk to them about the tiredness, you may be struggling as you had a blood loss. Your not useless op. It does and will get better.

OP I had a lot of the same struggles as you when DS was born almost 6 weeks ago. PLEASE talk to your midwife. They're there to help you. Totally normal to be shattered after blood loss. I didn't wake for DS at the start and also switched to formula.
You're not failing him and with a bit of luck soon enough you'll see that. I've even managed to stop crying every time I think about the fact I didn't manage to breastfeed. If you don't feel better soon (2-3 weeks PP) or you feel worse think about discussing your feelings with your GP.

This is certainly how I felt after both my deliveries-both traumatic (like you describe) and huge blood loss. 💐congratulations-it will get better x