lazy kid

[georgedawes]

DD is 9 and a lovely kid, polite, sweet, funny etc. She is however ridiculously lazy to the point that you almost have to laugh. Except this Xmas it has driven me nuts (hence posting here).

She won't do anything unless made to, and everything is an effort that causes her to roll her eyes. Lots of examples but e.g. she'll wear the rubbish too small clothes at the front of the wardrobe, rather than lift 2 jumpers to find what she likes. She put a 50p of hers on top of her purse, rather than inside it. We had a period of pretending to brush her teeth (actually just stood in the bathroom) but that's been cured by a trip to the dentist.

Physical activity is even worse, she hates walking the dog (but is made to) and seems to genuinely detest anything that makes her heart beat faster. We've explained it's good for you etc but in her mind = pain and so rubbish.

We've really firm, and she is a good kid so does apologise for being a grump, but it never changes really. We've tried many, many versions of carrot rather than stick, but the incentive never seems to override the laziness. I even offered to pay her for music practice if she'd write down what she did..but she couldn't be bothered!

Anyone else?

Ds2 is very similar! He’s so lazy that we either laugh about it or get fed up with it.
I’m always shouting at him to ‘stop doing half a job!’ That money on top of the wallet instead of inside is exactly what he would do. When the money gets lost then I say ‘well, what did you expect when you did half a job?’
I asked him to put his laundry away then a couple of hours later find it all just shoved into the corner of his cupboard. I went mad, told him to go and get his clothes and put them away properly and I just stood by watching him while he did it, all miserable and angry at me. I’ll just say ‘if you hadn’t done half a job earlier then this wouldn’t be happening right now’
I’m sure he’s sick of that phrase
But it’s working. He’s getting more and more things done properly.
Threatening his screen time helps as screen time is only for when all homework and chores are done properly and there’s free time.

Oh Charles, someone understands! The clothes thing is something she has done many times. I get that all kids can be lazy but it is over everything, and is exhausting (and pointless!). For instance yesterday I asked her to tidy something before painting, it was literally a case of putting one thing in a box, putting the lid on then something on top. Instead she put something in the box that shouldn't be there, and kind of balanced the lid on top. It was no extra work to do it properly!!!

We do make her re-do things properly, which results in major grumpiness which is ignored. It's doing my head in though, and I worry about her as she gets older. She's lazy at school but it's not really picked up on as she's super well behaved and pretty average academically.

Aargh.

Ds is the same. Bloody oblivious! This coming year I really want him -10 & dd-6 to be of use around the house.

I was thinking of set jobs for them & while I don't really want to give pocket money or pay for jobs, I would love it if things were a bit tidier & the children could be just a bit more responsible.

Ds bin in the bedroom is overflowing but instead of emptying it, he will pick up the same little wrapper & balance it on top of the pile several times. Aaargh!!

Is there anyone who's been through it who can give advice? Everything I read seems to suggest positive rewards, and that is my instinct too...expect nothing seems to override the laziness. Even if I ban all toys/screen time etc..she'd rather just roll around on the floor than do what is asked.

DS1 is too lazy even to draw his curtains before he goes to bed! Then he complains that the light wakes him up 🤦‍♀️

If the major mess is in her room, then I would just leave it to accumulate; then when she wants a particular garment and can't find it then she will have to do without! Consequences are the thing!

I did that with my DD and she did improve when she realised it might be to her advantage - and she was learning the real reason WHY she needs to tidy up, rather than just to stop parents nagging. It took some courage to go into her room as it was full of clutter but she did eventually get the message.

Yes Ocean, she would (not) do the same!! It's ridiculous!

Taken her an hour to get ready this morning. All she had to do was put her clothes on and brush her teeth.

We do that mischance, but the consequences never seem to bother her enough. Like I say, she'll just wear the clothes 2 sizes too small, rather than the lovely Harry Potter tshirt she adores if it's dirty.

The only consequence I've found she doesn't really like is being late or embarrassed in front of others (hence why taken to the dentist after not brushing her teeth worked). The thing about being late though is hard to link to her not putting stuff away etc though.

Op persevere. Just keep doing what you’re doing.
Ds2 is 12 now and things are really improving. He still takes short cuts but screen time means a lot at this age so we have more bargaining power.
Now -
he does his hw to a better standard (I used to make him redo it if I thought it was rubbish because of laziness)
Sorts his laundry properly (when asked to!)
Puts all this recycling in the correct bins
Tidies his room every day (with a reminder that it’s a condition of screen time)
He’s generally more helpful too if I ask him to do an odd job here and there.

Sorry I'm ranting now..it's not just mess, I get that all kids are messy. It's just sheer, utter laziness of the most pointless of things. For instance, she hasn't been to the toilet since waking up this morning and has just been made to go, despite being desperate.

She will pretend to put things in her school bag, but just throw them down next to them. Rather than put dirty clothes in the basket or the washing machine, she'll do the same. She's then made to put it back correctly which causes more work (and grumpiness) and yet still carries on the same.

As for being asked to shower..it's like I've asked her to walk to the moon. It is driving me batty!!!

Going through thr same thing with my ds 11. I have 3 older DD who were not like this at all so o thought it was a boy thing. Clearly not. He just will not listen and do and it drives me nuts! So messy and lazy. He is also adorable and funny and sensitive but such a scruff. I do worry about how he will manage himself as hr gets older. Im hoping the consistent prodding will pay off.
Perhaps a ray of hope...I used to have to tell him yo brush his teeth every single time or he would 'forget' he does it without me asking now. It only took 7 yrs 😖

That's reassuring Charles, 3 years to go! It's not even like I have high standards!!

My DD is a less extreme version. It's not strictly laziness, it's more a very low tolerance for things that aren't fun.

Making games of things helps. E.g. DD wouldn't go for a walk with me but if I invited her friend along she'd walk for hours.

I don't know how you make bedroom tidying a game though

Anyway, keep at it, keep your tone neutral and matter of fact as it helps with your stress levels. Don't pick up after her, make her do it every single time. She will get better.

Ds2 is like this. Never draws his curtains. I have to stand over him to put clothes away or I find them dumped in his toy box. Doesn't even close his drawers after getting clothes out of them. Sooooo lazy. I force him to walk the dogs with me or he would literally do nothing at all except PlayStation

I call ds "half a job Bob!".

Can't actually accuse my ds of being lazy as he's a swimmer who trains 6 times a week.

But he certainly isn't very forthcoming or organised with cleaning up after himself.

I solve it. Wait for him to go to the computer or iPad and log in, then call half a job back to do the job he should have completed properly in the first place!
If he dares moans then I point out calmly if he'd done it the first time it wouldn't have taken so long.

He's 15 and he still doesn't get it or hasn't changed despite it never being something he gets away with. I think some people are just like this!

However - why is there clothes that don't fit in the wardrobe. That's just stupid. If they don't fit and she shouldn't be wearing them out them elsewhere or take to charity shop!

Sure you're right about the clothes itsweird, but I was just trying to give an example of what she'd do. So if it was say summer clothes, or dressing up clothes, or a bloody swimming costume that was one millmetre closer, that is what she'd wear if that makes sense?

We spent ages recently sorting out her room and all her clothes, to make it well organised and a place for everything. Yet somehow she still manages not to find anything nice because it involves moving her arm 30cm to the right..

My son has PDA so what seems like laziness sometimes is actually him avoiding the demand. What works for him is completely reducing demands and instead making suggestions eg "I've run a bath, it's there when you're ready" (so it's his choice - 9 times out of 10 he gets in), or we do things together in very small chunks. He would never empty his laundry basket but he might sit and pair up socks with me while we do a quiz on Alexa.
He's only 7 but I'm hoping that modelling behaviour from us plus chipping away at good habits will help.
This year I'm hoping to get him emptying the dishwasher with me. Baby steps!

Just keep going op.
When she cares more about how she looks, screen time or pocket money you’ll have more leverage.
Ds2 still won’t have a shower unless he’s prompted and we had the exact same thing with teeth. The dentist scared him into brushing his teeth more regularly.
He’s worn the same t shirt for a few days because he couldn’t be bothered to get a clean one until I had a go at him.
I think he’s had some consequence at school because he now sorts his school bag out the night before. Of his own accord! Dh, ds1 and I are all in shock about this
I don’t think I’ll ever change this part of his personality. He’ll always do the bare minimum required but we can try to shape him up so he’s not a complete lazy slob as an adult.

Good luck weejammin!

Thanks Charles, I think you're right. It can seem exhausting keep on telling her, but hopefully the time will come when the draw of going out with her mates/technology will be enough to encourage her to do things!!

She's tidied her bedroom today so that is something.

I think I may be your dd

Sometimes I can hear my mother’s voice chanting “if a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right”, or I try to motivate myself to do things as a gift to my future self.

Because I’m in charge of my own environment I can implement a lot of short cuts. Eg I have a key box in the spot where I instinctively drop my keys so they look tidy, a basket where I drop my bag.

I keep things where I use them, in pretty baskets rather than putting them away in a drawer or cupboard. I don’t do two jobs if I can do one. I buy plain socks so I don’t have to match them.

Decluttering has helped me realise that I just can’t handle lots of stuff so I choose to have less.

I only have a seasons worth of clothes in my wardrobe at a time, in a colour palette.

Learning to work with my mindset has really helped me get on top of this as an adult. I have found the blog/podcasts A Slob Comes Clean very insightful and they might be worth a listen to get a sense of your dcs’ perspective.