Cervical Screening Epic Failure - Potentially Triggering

[CSEpicFailure]

I dread them but I always go. I try to remember this could be life saving.

Today I went, but I freaked out about 30 seconds in.

I was sexually abused repeatedly (rape) as a young child and I find the lack of control nigh on impossible to deal with. I find it so very hard to even get into the right position, let alone stay there. I tense up. This makes it painful.

So today I got myself all worked up and she stopped and I couldn't continue. And now I feel like an epic failure.

I'm rebooked for Saturday, first thing (rather than a pm appointment like today). She is asking the doctor to prescribe me a valium to take beforehand.

I'm 50. I've been with the same man for 23 years. The risks of having HPV must be tiny? I still have to go back though don't I?

Also I remember a GP who gave me an internal examination told my my cervix was in a strange position. Can't remember what he said (too busy white knuckling my way through it) but it was back to front or sth weird like that?

Sorry for delay, OP, have PMd you.
If your surgery has gas and air, I don’t see why it wouldn’t be an option. Not sure what pessaries the nurse I should talking about - can’t think of anything likely.
Really hope the sample was sufficient. Endo can often be associated with a cervix that’s high/less mobile than usual/ difficult to see, so very likely physical reasons for the difficulty too.

Thanks so much quince. I've just read your reply.

So I'm probably buggered physically AND psychologically . She also said it may be worse this time because I'm in the menopause (sub-total keyhole hysterectomy 10 years ago, but kept my ovaries. Been in HRT for 2 years). Would HRT make a difference?

I have a plan of action now. If she got enough cells and it comes back clear: perfect. If not I'll but a kit from Superdrug. If I have to go back I'll seek out somewhere where I can have gas and air.

Having been with DH and no-one else for 22 years and having regular 3 yearly tests and none coming back abnormal I must surely be low risk.

I’m going to say you don’t have to go

There are alternatives to smear tests, I think, or are they not available yet?

Have you read Margaret McCartney on smear tests?

I've never had a smear but was told I had to have one to have IVF. My GP and all treating doctors said it was fine to have the self-test HPV swap that I had done privately via Superdrug, I just provided them with a copy of the results. My GP said that this was what they'd do if there was abnormal cells in a smear - do the HPV swab, and if that was clear, they wouldn't be concerned. That seemed a bit bizarre to me but I was happy to roll with it. I used to go mental even being sent smear reminders so I officially 'opted out' of the screening and haven't had a letter about it in years.

Autumn no I haven't heard of her but will take a look.

to anyone else who find CS extremely difficult for whatever reason.

Hi OP. Hoping that you get a result from the smear, or that you accessed an HPV swab.
Have just posted on another thread about this

Hi there quince. I am waiting to hear. Once I get the result I will go get an HPV swap, if necessary. Thanks for thinking of me.

Oh OP... havent read the full thread but you are far from a failure! I have exactly the same problems having a smear test.

I find a hefty dose of Diazepam has occasionally worked in the past. When I had an abnormal smear, I then had to go for a full check with potential Lletz and brought a friend who’s a retired nurse who was brilliant at keeping me calm. I think it’s how vulnerable I feel lying in that position with my legs spread... soon as I do that I’m off. In tears, muscles tensed that inevitably they go in, then need to come out again because despite me explaining everything my cervix is tilted.

What you DO want is an experienced nurse that done this 1000s of times and is thorough BUT FAST. No matter with all the prep its still fuckin horrific for me so quicker the better long as its done right.

Its a bloody man’s world OP. I’m so sorry that you’re still paying the price for something that was out of your control and not your fault. Life is really bloody unfair sometimes. Xx

I'm so happy I could cry. The lovely practice nurse who took the second test just called to say she got enough cells, and it's all fine. Phew. I've not had the letter yet but she's been keeping an eye out at that end. Feeling the love for the NHS right now. Bless her. And now as I'm over 50 I don't need to think about the next time for 5 years. By which time hopefully testing at home will be commonplace.

So grateful for the support I've received here.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssss! Superb news, OP. So pleased for you x

Glad to hear your update OP.

Thank you both. Letter arrived this morning.