Omg. I. Am. Tired.
Like not physically but emotionally and mentally drained!!!!
My ex has stopped taking the kids. In total in the past 7/8 weeks he has seen them maybe 6 hours (2 separate occasions) and attended a nativity. Before that he was taking them every Wednesday so it wasn't much of a break (yes I know he doesn't take them to give me a break) I was finishing college at 5 getting home and eating then heading off to bed then up at 7am to start it al over again.
With Christmas just passed and the constant illnesses before it our routine has been so out of wack. I've barely done anything in 3 weeks. The house is a mess, I haven't studied since we broke off. managed food shopping for the first time this month though.
The kids are really hurt with their dad, so are quite challenging and emotional just now. I get the brunt of it. Even if they don't mean it (DS randomly commented saying he likes me a little bit and likes dad a lot) so it's quite upsetting for me sometimes too.
I have a tribute concert to attend at the end of January in my late grans name. I have asked my dad to babysit and honestly can't wait to have a night to relax and enjoy some of my grans music and have a bit of emotional release.
My friends (2 separate groups) are all wanting to plan nights out in January. Obviously that's out of the question for me 1. What single mum (with no fathers involved or barely) can go out every single weekend!
- I would feel so selfish barely spending time with them
- Honestly if I was given a babysitter for a night (except my grans tribute concert) I think I would honestly spend the night in bed watching some rubbish documentaries on Netflix
Half of me just wants to drop them off at their dads and say YOUR TURN and see how emotionally tormenting it is to see his kids hurt from a parent pretty much abandoning them. Obviously i would never ever put my children through that.
Is it selfish to just want one day to myself to lie in bed?