Help me get my 2yo to eat dinner

[ElfCakes]

I have a DS aged 2y 3m and we are in what feels like a long phase of fussy eating. He eats breakfast really well and lunch generally ok but tea times are a real struggle.
We try to eat dinner as a family whenever we can (just me, DH and DS) at tea time, and have tried a range of foods including the normal dinners we eat to trying more simple food (fish fingers!) He generally won't try new foods and won't try it if he thinks it might be hot (temperature, not spicy) I've tried doing his main meal at lunch time instead of the evening but this doesn't help much.
At nursery he eats everything and has seconds. This is great because I know 3 days a week he eats properly but in Feb his nursery days will reduce to 2 shorter days (as baby no2 is arriving and I'll be at home) so it feels like more of a big deal to get him eating properly at home.
I don't use food as a reward or punishment, he doesn't snack between meals, as we've found he eats slightly better this way. He loves fruit. I worry we're too quick to give up on dinner and make him some toast but I worry more that he'll go to bed hungry and that will cause him to wake up in the night!
I also give choices where I can, but they're straight forward choices between 2 acceptable things e.g. do you want carrots or broccoli.

I've wondered about using a really simple sticker chart as he loves stickers at the moment but don't know if he's too little to grasp the idea really.
I feel really stuck at the moment and would appreciate any words of wisdom or tips!

Give him food, leave him to it, take it away if he doesn't. That's it, you don't need to do anything else.

** doesn't eat it

Following as my 21 month is exactly the same at the moment.

Although I got him to eat at lunchtime by giving him a plate of strawberries, cheese, banana and some toast. I knew he’d eat these things. At tea time it was spag bol. He had a few mouthfuls then tried to throw the plate on the floor

Following as my 23 month old is exactly the same. She eats well at nursery (full time), but at home she only wants to drink milk. If she could she wouldn’t eat at all.

Personally I think the more fuss you make the more it becomes a battle of wills, and at that age children just want to say no for the sake of saying no even if it's something they actually want to do.

With that in mind I'd probably not go down the sticker chart route.

I sometimes think with young children if you are having an issue, the best approach is just to back off for a couple of weeks and then approach it again. They grow and change so quickly at that age, things sometimes resolve themselves.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor advice is spot on. Early meal times or main meal at lunch will probably also help in the long run as long as they are hungry - avoid snacks

We've just come through this..Same pattern as you describe, from age 2 ish, breakfast and lunch and nursery all good but tea times were awful. I would never have done this with my older kids but I started using tv in the kitchen as a distraction for tea. I decided I preferred to know he was eating a wide range of foods and full up, and the tv habit could be broken later. We had a few months of t.v. on in kitchen and he was so distracted I could feed him anything. And then in the last month I started asking him to eat 5 mouthfulls before telly and so on and now he eats all his tea and has bedtime tv as a reward. Sure it's not the best way to do it, but far easier than any strategy i tried in the past. And it hasn't left him with any long term issues that I know of!

Perhaps..keep a food diary, write down every thing they eat throughout the day.
Youd be surprised just how much they do eat. And try to keep the diary for at least a month, this helps to identify any growth spurts etc.
Sometimes it feels as though they have gone weeks without eating, but once written down it's quite relieving to see how much they've eaten and learn to see peaks and troughs in their appetite, which can be growth related, teething or generally feeling off colour.
Try not to draw too much attention to meal times especially at this age as they will soon learn what makes mum or dad give more attention...
Offer a small amount on their plate that you know they will successfully eat , even if that means one potato and one fish finger and a spoon of peas, this means they will be successful at finishing a meal and you could offer another half fish finger(foods used as an example) if they so wanted extra.
Stick to the food types they like, ask nursery for their meal ideas, and slowly introduce a new item....
It is really important to remember children are very good at knowing how much is enough, they will stop when they have had enough unlike us who undo another button to squeeze a bit more in... this is only like when they were breast/bottle fed, they stopped when they had enough, some feeds were more and some were less... so trust them to decide when they have had enough and try make mealtimes relaxed and fun....

My son won’t have eaten since lunchtime and it’ll be teatime and he’ll just point blank refuse to eat. He’ll shake his arms around and say no no no. He must be hungry so I don’t get it. I’ll take the plate away and then he’ll shout that he wants it back. I’ll put it back on his tray and he starts screaming at it again

He’s also stopped feeding himself. He asks for help every time and he used to happily eat his weetabix all on his own. Now he wants me to feed him.

If it’s hot food he seems more against what about giving him salady type things he can eat cold? Or a side of strawberries/grapes instead of hot veg that he won’t entertain.

I think every toddler goes through a phase of food rebellion. Maybe letting him wait and having supper instead of getting an instant reward of what he wants toast/fruit etc would help too, obviously he can have whatever for supper.. incase he’s just holding out for the good stuff.

If you're going to keep a food diary,keep it for the week and see how much he eats over the week,some days will be more than others just like adults.

I like the idea of a food diary. I think I'll try that. He's really good with fruit too.
It's also really reassuring to just remember that I'm not in it alone and most toddlers have a fussy phase and it will end at some point!
I do try really hard to keep it light and not be cross or make it a big deal and DH is good at tagging in and staying chilled with him too if it does get to the point where I need to take a step back

No advise as I have knew who eats everything and one who hasn't eaten for 2 weeks! However, are you sure about changing his nursery days....2 is so much more tiring than one and if you cant sleep when baby does or take the breaks to do the house work it may be hard work. Just food for thought.

Knew...one!!

@useful22 he's changing from 3 full days (8-6) to 2 short days (9-3) which works best for us financially, but he'll still get lots of time there and a decent lunch! I doubt I'd get him there earlier than 9 anyway as we like a relaxed start to the day on my non working days (and with 2 to organise in the morning!) and I'm happy to having him back by 3

What worked (and still works) with DS was to say that it was ok not to finish it as long as he had at least a spoonful. Most often than not he would continue eating after it, or if he didn’t he would eat it straight away next time as he was already familiar with it.

My dd is nearly 3 and we have had the same for a few months.

She stopped wanting any fresh food at dinner time and the tv only worked for a while so I got cans of ravioli/mac and cheese/spaghetti shapes/beans and sausages/etc and put them in a low down cupboard. Now I ask her to choose her dinner from the cupboard herself. 9 times out of 10 she'll eat what she's chosen and she eats so much fruit/veg sticks/wholegrains, etc for breakfast and lunch that I don't worry too much about what she has for dinner, as long as she eats enough to sleep all night!