Feeling desperately sad today, give me a shake

[confusedofengland]

I don't know what it is, whether it's post-Christmas blues, but I am feeling really sad today & need to shake out of it!

DH & I seem to be falling apart & it's killing me. I always thought we were so strong, but in all honesty I can't see us lasting if we carry on the way we are. We've been together 19 years & married 15 years. We have 3 DC, 11, 8 & 5, middle one has suspected autism. MIL has also recently been diagnosed with vascular dementia.

We seem to have got into a rut of bickering & arguing. I feel like he's always finding fault with me, he says I'm always moaning & never happy. This morning, for example, I was saying how I'd missed meeting up with wider family this year at Christmas time. We travelled 130 miles to spend 3.5 days with his family, spent £200 we can ill afford on an air B&B, missed my big family gathering, then only saw his parents a few times briefly, his sister & family for 2.5 hours on Christmas day & friends we see anyway. None of the extended family, including elderly grandma & aunt & uncle over from Australia. Although DH & DS1 did go to football on Boxing Day, leaving me alone with the smaller Dses in the cottage. I said it was nice to do things as a 5, but a bit disappointing we'd not seen anybody else. He then said I would have whinged if we hadn't spent time just us & that every morning I wake up negative. I don't feel like I was, so found that hurtful.

Also, on Christmas Day itself I was upset because I missed my family & because DH didn't seem to consider me in his plans, stating 'so we'll do this which will be good for my parents, this which works for my sister & this which parents will like'. No mention of me or Dses. Then we ended up not really doing anything festive because his dad didn't want to cook a Christmas dinner (we offered but he said no) & his sister's dogs were scared of the crackers, so they got left. Then I felt bad for being disappointed, because obviously it's not about me, although the boys & I had been so looking forward to it. It just seems that I don't even come into it any more.

I'm aware that all this is a ramble, I just need to let it out. I feel so sad all the time & nobody to talk to about it, least of all DH who is the one I would normally turn to.

Anyway, on New Year's Eve we have friends coming over to stay, so that will be fun & something to look forward to, although lots of tidying to do first!

Ramble away. Theres such huge pressure on everyone to be happy and joyful at this time of year, but that's just not everyone's experience. You sound exhausted and like you have a huge amount of worry in your life. You dont need to apologise for being sad, you're allowed to be sad. You sound like you need a hug, not a shake, so have one from me! Go easy on yourself x

Also, every time I get upset, DH tells me it's not normal & I need to see a doctor & mutters things about my hormones (FWIW I think I'm peri-menopausal, started periods at 9, am 42, my mum had early menopause).

Thank you lotta. I do feel like I've been watching everybody else, both irl & on TV etc, have a great time & not been allowed any part of that. The weird thing is that we had a great time leading up to Christmas, doing lots of fun things & seeing family & friends here, so there was a big build-up, then Christmas Day itself was very flat. I think the boys felt it too I desperately don't want for their abiding memories of childhood Christmases to be feeling bored & lonely whilst hearing about the fun everyone else had

I've felt flat this Christmas as well and we've had lots of bickering too - you're not alone, and like PP poster said you are allowed to be sad. If you do think you are peri I would urge you to see a doctor. I'm in the midst of it and it's not fun - don't suffer in silence.

Well, we've spent a good deal of today tidying for our NYE visitors so I feel a lot brighter. I'm telling myself it's like a second chance at Christmas!

chocolatesalty I'm sorry you've not had the best time either