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Tips to make dc more appreciative?

10 replies

hotstepper4 · 29/12/2019 09:38

Before I begin, I fully appreciate that I, along with my exh, have made ds aged 9 this way, so please no judgement there.

My ds is fortunate. Both myself and my exh earn ok money, and we both have large extended families who also love to spoil him. He is our only child (he has stepsiblings on my side, my dsc, whom he adores)

Growing up, we had very little money. My dad was (is) an alcoholic and spent money on alcohol, and I remember nights spent playing board games by candlelight because my mum had to choose between paying the electricity bill or feeding us. I feel very fortunate that my adult life is not like that, and I appreciate everything I have.

Ds is spoiled though. He has a good heart, he's a lovely boy and no trouble at all. However, he has no notion of how lucky he is. I tell him that there are children who have very little, and he doesn't care. Just says "their mummies should get jobs then" he longs for the latest switch game, then when he gets it, plays with it for 30 minutes, declares it too 'hard' and abandons it. He assumes he will be given everything he desires.

Obviously, I cannot control what exh does. However, while ds is with me I would really like to teach him some compassion and empathy. Does anyone have any suggestions? I was thinking of asking him to donate some of his things? Can you do any charity work with a 9 year old? Anything helpful he could watch on the TV?

OP posts:
hotstepper4 · 29/12/2019 09:38

Sorry, it had paragraphs in when I wrote it! Confused

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 29/12/2019 09:45

Do you buy him the latest game / craze when it comes out or does he have to wait until Christmas and birthdays ?

hotstepper4 · 29/12/2019 09:49

This time, he was given it for Christmas. He still has not appreciated it.

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reefedsail · 29/12/2019 09:57

Does he have his own money? My DS (also 9) was a bit blasé about expecting to be bought things at one stage. However, he now has pocket money (£30pcm) put on a gohenry and has to save for stuff he wants. Birthday and Christmas money all goes on there too. It’s interesting how his priorities have changed about what he ‘needs’ if it’s coming out of ‘his money’. He has the app so he can see how much he has/ what he’s spent.

If we are buying him stuff we make him wait for ‘pay day’. It’s increased his awareness that we work for that money rather then it falling out of a tree.

bebanjo · 29/12/2019 10:01

Tv shows,
Show me what your made of, bunch of spoilt kids finding out what work actually is.
Back in time dinner, school, Christmas, a modern family living from 1900 to present day.
Simon reeve, the Mediterranean, garza is eye opening.

Does he get pocket money? Make him save for something.
Does he help around the house? Make sure he knows what’s expected of him.
Talk about your childhood.

pumpkinpie01 · 29/12/2019 10:04

You say ' this time ' so if he normally is just bought toys , genes when he wants them he isn't going to learn the value of money if no one says no to him . Does he have empathy ? Does he comment on a homeless person ?

BerryPieandCustard · 29/12/2019 10:59

I have an 8 year old DD and we often watch things like the back in time for Christmas/school dinner Victorian bakers which is good for showing the contrast between the more fortunate and less fortunate.
Dds school have done a dedicated week learning about homeless/food banks/addiction (for the older classes) and the school collected for the food bank and had a rep come in to speak to the kids.. my local food bank welcomes visits and will gladyshow children behind the scenes- maybe this is an option? Or ask him to collect items to donate from family and take him to the food bank?
Is there a local homeless charity?

Also watch the news...

My DD has a go Henry card and she gets £40 a month on it- if she wants to buy a toy or game or in game item it come from that money... the first few months her money went quite quickly then she learned that actually I was not going to give it and buy her what she wanted so now she is more sensible and less wanty now she has to pay for things.

icecreamsundae32 · 29/12/2019 11:04

Encourage him to donate his old toys to charity or children's hospitals or even help him sell them on eBay and then he can use that money to buy something new?

Barbararara · 29/12/2019 11:07

Practice gratitude- literally just listing 2 or 3 things that you are grateful for each day, and asking him to do the same. Keep it simple and relevant

wildcherries · 29/12/2019 11:10

"mummies should get jobs then"
Of course many already have jobs and still have very little. I'd wonder where this attitude comes from at his age.

Take him to donate old toys and food, e.g.

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