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Original poster

New relationship advice

35 replies

Beccacats1991 · 29/12/2019 09:28

Hi

I’ve met this new guy and there’s a couple of things I want to talk about really that I’m not sure how to deal with

The first thing is that I bought him a gift for Christmas and he told me he didn’t like the gift so I bought him another and he didn’t want that either :/

I sometimes don’t send kisses at the end of a text and he said it’s weird that I don’t send them sometimes and that it’s getting annoying.

I sent him a song that I sang because I wanted him his opinion on it and he’s now telling me it wasn’t appropriate to send him the song ‘I wanna run to you’ he said it’s going a bit fast but it’s only a song?

Last night I called him by his name and he said that that’s too formal and I should be calling him babe or baby :/

He’s making me feel like I can’t do anything right and it’s really upsetting me. What would you guys do about this?

Thank you
Rebecca

OP posts:
Curiousmum69 · 29/12/2019 09:29

Run away

ItsNovemberNotChristmas · 29/12/2019 09:30

Run as fast as you can, fucking weirdo

emmetgirl · 29/12/2019 09:31

My advice would be to run as fast as you can. He sounds like a controlling fuckwit and these are all massive red flags. Not what you want to hear I'm sure but I once ignored many red flags and had 5 years of pain and misery as a result.
Please do the right thing and get rid.
Xxx

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Original poster
Beccacats1991 · 29/12/2019 09:31

Run away? Why run away hun? Just I need advice urgently that’s all.

OP posts:
FeigningHorror · 29/12/2019 09:32

So, does he have any characteristics which aren’t awful?

pinkyredrose · 29/12/2019 09:33

Oh christ just bin this arsehole. Why are you so desperate to please? You bought him 2 xmas gifts? Way over the top, you've only just met, a 'happy xmas' text would suffice.

Abusive people can sense vulnerability, this 'man' will only make you feel worse about yourself if you carry on seeing him.

Stealthynamechange · 29/12/2019 09:34

Hi
I agree with previous posters.
I think you should end it too, he sounds awful & controlling. Get out before you regret it (speaking from experience)
Good luck

Original poster
Beccacats1991 · 29/12/2019 09:46

Nice things he does-

He offers to take me out and he pays for things I guess. He gives good cuddles and is kind. I just can’t hack that he makes me feel like I’m not good enough and it hurts like really hurts. It’s like everything I do he makes a comment about.

But ever so often he touches my leg and looks at me like no ever man looks at me but I’ve been in abusive relationships before and it brought red flags up for me too but I somehow wanted things to be different you know :,(

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 29/12/2019 09:50

Thing's aren't different. No matter how much you want them to be they're not.

Zaphodsotherhead · 29/12/2019 09:50

He's not kind. He's training you. No man should ever tell you what you 'should' or 'shouldn't' do, unless he's your boss.

OccasionalNachos · 29/12/2019 09:52

Last night I called him by his name and he said that that’s too formal and I should be calling him babe or baby :/

All the examples you’ve given are bad, but this one is absolutely fucking batshit. Break up with him.

ohwheniknow · 29/12/2019 09:53

Wanting things to be different doesn't make them different.

He's another abuser.

Do the Freedom Programme. Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Lllot5 · 29/12/2019 09:54

He’s critical of everything you try to do.
Dump and run.
If he was horrible all the time he wouldn’t have any friends or girlfriends would he?
Now he has you where he wants you he can start treating you badly knowing full well all he has to do is touch your leg and look at you and you will fall into line.
Honestly get rid.

YorkieTheRabbit · 29/12/2019 09:54

If he’s criticising you so early in the relationship, then it’s only going to get worse.
Complaining that you called him by name rather than babe Confused it’s his name fgs, it’s not like you called him knobhead, although that would be more appropriate
Complaint about gifts you bought, sounds like a right charmer.
He will keep on doing this and you will become more desperate to please him.
Get away from this man

DariaMorgendorffer · 29/12/2019 09:56

Red flags everywhere. Get rid!

Original poster
Beccacats1991 · 29/12/2019 09:56

I’ve done the freedom program before as I nearly lost my life to a man before as he pushed my head down into a plastic bag and I nearly passed away from it.

I’ve just told him now it’s over and he’s told me I’ve upset him and he doesn’t need that while he’s working. But I’m working too :/

OP posts:
FeigningHorror · 29/12/2019 09:58

Good call, OP. He sounds monumentally awful.

BercowsFestiveFlamingo · 29/12/2019 09:59

Block and delete now. He's batshit. It's worrying that you think you need advice other than to dump him. Have you had counselling for your past abusive relationship?

Original poster
Beccacats1991 · 29/12/2019 10:00

No I’ve had no counselling or justice for what happened to me in my past relationship.

OP posts:
YorkieTheRabbit · 29/12/2019 10:01

It’s all about him. You’ve upset him while he’s at work and he doesn’t need that. Well you don’t need someone like him in your life.
Stay well away from him, don’t answer his texts or calls, I’d block him but that’s up to you.

Lampan · 29/12/2019 10:04

Every single poster on here is saying you need to run away. They are all correct. It’s not often everyone agrees on a thread.
He sounds creepy and horrible controlling. Don’t let him pressure you into another go. He will try to and if you give in he will seem better at first just to lull you into a false sense of security. He is awful and will not change.

Lweji · 29/12/2019 10:06

Very happy that you ended it.
Now, make sure you don't get sucked back.

I think you need to analyse how you got into abusive relationships in the past.

Original poster
Beccacats1991 · 29/12/2019 10:07

Thank you. I have just ended the relationship. Thanks for your advice everybody. If anybody else has any further advice I’m willing to take it.

OP posts:
Lweji · 29/12/2019 10:10

What's the longest you've been without a relationship and how long since the last abusive one?

How do these relationships start?

What do you do when you sense a red flag?
What is a red flag for you?

Original poster
Beccacats1991 · 29/12/2019 10:16

I haven’t really had a relationship since the abusive one which was 2 years ago and that lasted 4 and half years. I was single for 4 years before the abusive relationship and I was married to a guy for 7 years but he wasn’t abusive he was just lazy and a cheater. I’ve been on dates but nothing ever materialised out of them.

Reg flags mostly controlling behaviour. But the abuser that did it to me the first time did this too but he was more suttle about it so I didn’t realise it was bullying but this is like all out there like he isn’t even clever about it really.

OP posts: