Imposter syndrome, seriously debilitating imposter syndrome.

[crosser62]

I have withdrawn from a few job applications because of serious self doubt over the last year.
I’ve now applied for a job I would like.
I’ve found out that there are 4 other applicants and I am on the edge of withdrawal again.
It’s a job I did for many years, it’s in a dept that know me and I know them very very well.
The other applicants have no experience or connect to this dept.
But:
I believe that they could be taken on as they are knew eyes to the job, can offer a new perspective. (It’s a job that requires imagination,thinking laterally, thinking outside the norm.
I believe that they may be just “putting up” with me, humouring me but have no intention of taking me on as no one wants me really.
I think that I have a tonne of experience due to my length of employment but lack any depth to my knowledge.
I think that they know or at least very quickly will discover this and I will be found out.

They say the right things, I know they have a great deal of respect for me as I previously did the job very well.

I’m shit at interviews.
What can I do to feel better and see it through.

OMG I typed that so quickly and did not check... spellings and grammar horrific there..apologies..

See, I’m shit all round ☹️

Don't withdraw and I suppose you just go with the flow.
Try not to focus on the other candidates and trust in the process and that the interviewers know what they want.
I know this must be incredibly hard for you but don't self sabotage

You aren't shit, firstly,

Secondly, organisations don't waste time interviewing people who aren't employable on paper. As they know your work already, this means that you are even more employable - because they definitely wouldn't bother shortlisting you if they didn't want the potential to work with you again.

I think, with imposter syndrome as with many things, you need to be a bit brisk and no nonsense with yourself, and look at all the evidence on which you have based your conclusions. You wouldn't indulge a friend - however nicely - in drawing these conclusions from the same evidence, so you need to treat yourself in the same way. There's no evidence here that you aren't suitable. In fact, there's a lot of evidence that you are: they've spoken well of your work previously, they've short-listed you, despite knowing everything about your work (which is a sign they rate you more highly than you do yourself) and the recruitment process is too time-consuming and lengthy to "humour" you by including you when they actually really, really don't want you

The good news - great news, in fact - is that you have recognised that this is imposter syndrome. So now you need to kick that niggling liar into touch. You can do this, OP!

Can I suggest listening to the Emma Guns podcast where she discusses this topic with an expert. Has some suggestions for how to try and deal with it. I found it helpful.

And one way of guaranteeing that they will hire someone else is by withdrawing. So don't feed the imposter syndrome further by doing that.

When you hear that voice in your head, listen to what it's saying, sure, but then evaluate the strength of its claims before deciding whether you are going to believe it. It's a lying toe rag that wants you to believe it based on nothing - take back the power!

(Yes, I have had crippling imposter syndrome for much of my working life - but nowadays, when it comes calling, I look at the evidence before deciding if I am going to believe it. Still there - but slightly better in check now as a result!)

Thanks all.
I feel overwhelmed but think that your suggestions (and cold fish slap around the chops) helps immensely.
I’m going to look/listen at the podcast.

Good luck and hope your interview goes well. You can do this

Go for it. I definitely suffer from imposter syndrome ( and it’s very common in my profession) and applied for my dream job a few years ago despite being sure that another candidate would get the job ( we both freelanced for the same business but she’d been doing it for longer and had more going for her on paper). I was convinced my interview was shite and drive home cursing myself for looking like an idiot!
I was offered the job, I’m still doing it and I love it! I was so sure I wouldn’t get the job that I only applied because I was worried that not applying would make it look like I didn’t want to work there and I thought they’d stop using me for freelance work
Go for it and tell yourself it’s job interview practice!

There’s a thousand voices in my head.
All negative.

Even my application was shit so I’m thinking I won’t even be short listed tbh so there will be nothing to worry about anyway.

I get this horrible brick feeling in my stomach when I think about it.
I feel ashamed and awkward and like something on the bottom of a shoe.
I currently work there but honestly feel like they just put up with me.
Like no one has the guts to tell me to go elsewhere.

I’m an all round mess.

It took a bit of courage to fill in that application but it’s inadequate.
I just pressed “send” then immediately shut it down.

I’ll just potter on and keep looking. I seem to look for jobs that are beneath my qualifications. Jobs I kinda think I could do without feeling like this.

I’ll just take things as they come.

Well done! That's brilliant.

But honestly, have you thought about seeking any kind of medical help? CBT is really helpful for things like imposter syndrome - it's not suitable for lots of things the NHS suggest it for, but it's really good for challenging negative thought patterns - it totally cured me of worrying myself sick if someone walked past me without acknowledgement (admittedly because the psychologist asked me if my ego was really that big that I thought everything in everyone's lives revolved around me - but it wasn't entirely an unfair comment )

The constant critical voice - apparently, most people don't have that (I thought everyone did) : you might do better with a talking therapy to help quiet that. I have spent fifteen years going between different therapists trying to get "help" and failing with every one. For seemingly unconnected reasons, I ended up at a private psychiatrist two years ago (have an NHS one also) and he referred me to a totally different type of therapist, who specialised in trauma - I never would have thought of finding a trauma person, as I haven't undergone trauma: but it has been revolutionary, not least because I have finally realised that not everyone has a critic in their head who constantly berates everything they do!

I really don't think - this post notwithstanding - that it is all about me: but I do want you to know that you aren't alone, and that you don't have to suffer this way

Please, OP, if you haven't yet sought help, please, please do. If you haven't yet found the right help, please have another go. You are worth it, and you don't deserve to have to fight this on your own.

Plus, you totally rock for thwarting the voice that didn't want you to apply for the job!

Are you sure this is just imposter syndrome?

I have that pretty cripplingly at times, but this feels like more.. especially your references to being something on someone's shoe. Is this a wider self esteem problem or does it only occur with work?

You've done a great thing applying, don't withdraw. The only way to quieten that voice is to keep going! It gets louder every time you humour it. You've got this