Death over Christmas

[Undercoverworker06]

I work in a very public facing role, and see lots of people that I know well and chat to a lot.
My father in law died over Christmas, it's been expected for a long time but it was still a huge shock and upset.
When I go back to work, obviously one of the questions people will ask is did you have a nice Christmas. I've seen some people from work today and obviously that question has come up. ( a lot of them knew dad was ill).
What I'm looking for is a way to say what's happened without upsetting people, or me, as people feel awful when you tell them. I'm not one of those people that can say everything is fine when it's not, my face gives it away that I'm not telling the truth. Any helpful suggestions please? Thanks.

Sorry for your loss
No helpful suggestions but bumping for you.
Hope someone wise comes along soon

We had this last year, BIL passed very unexpectedly on the 23rd of December. I don't really think there is a way you can make it any better, I also work in a public facing role so was getting asked, I was just answering "thanks for asking but sadly not, my BIL passed away over the break". They might apologise for asking but I'd just say it's ok, they had no reason to suspect and were asking with good intentions.

And sorry for you loss, of course!

So sorry for your loss. It's a difficult one isn't it, as you can't possibly pretend you had a good Christmas. I think I would just tell them that I had had a family bereavement without going into detail, and try to move the conversation back to the other person's Christmas if you don't want to get into an upsetting conversation.

Thank you everyone. Olinguito's suggestion is a good one, thank you. It's been a long time coming, but you still hope they'll live for ever. He's not in pain anymore and we've done everything we could for him whilst he was alive. Got to concentrate on mil now, she's doing ok (ish).

I’m in a similar situation, I’m not back at work just yet but will either go with a form of words like @BearSoFair or (this may or may not be appropriate for you) immediately reflect it on to my DC who are 4 and 7, and say, oh yes it was quiet but it was great watching the kids had a blast/they got spoilt etc. I’m thinking the focus on the kids will be more appropriate for total strangers and the more detailed response for people I actually know.

Good idea Hollyhead ; we have young grandchildren and they had a lovely time. We never mentioned anything to them at the time as there was no point, although they know now granddad is a star in heaven.

I think that for those you work with, you should say that your FIL died. Not to garner sympathy but understanding as to why you are not your usual self.

Sorry to read of your loss and try to remember all the good times.

Condolences Undercover ,although not unexpected death is still a hard thing to deal with .

How lovely you sound, thinking of how responding to other ppl will affect them .

When someone has been bereaved in my workplace, they usually ask someone to send an e-mail to everyone, so they don't then have to have the same conversation 18 times. Makes it a little bit easier.
Obviously that doesn't help with the public, but I would use what Olinguito said - briefly mention a family bereavement and turn the conversation to ask if they did, if you don't find it easier to just say 'Yes thank you, did you?' and not go in to it with people you don't really know.
Or, is it possible to have your duties rearranged so you aren't customer facing for the first couple of days ? People soon stop asking.

Don't worry about making them feel bad, worry about yourself and just tell them what happened if you want to. 'Not really, FIL has been ill for a while and passed away' simple.

Sorry for your loss.
I once responded don't ask, it was the worst week of my life and they left me alone.

Thank you all again. My work has been great throughout all this. I've been in late due to waiting to speak to social care, doctors, hospitals etc., not been in at all at short notice due to sudden medical emergencies, given special dispensation to have my mobile on me in case there's another emergency (not a safeguarding issue, we're just not allowed our phones) and they've always been supportive and never made me feel bad. Everyone at work is aware of the issue with dad as it's been going on for a few years.
It's the customers I see every day that I'll be using a form of the responses given up thread. There's some really good ideas that I'll be practicing in my head over the next few days.
I've been on the reverse of this situation recently, asking someone how their dad was, to be told that he'd just died and I felt dreadful for them. Hopefully I'll be able to get the responses right.