How did/do you survive developmental leaps

[Hangingofftheboob]

We are in leap 4.... 24 days left.

DD won’t take a bottle. Won’t use a dummy. Doesn’t sleep well day or night at the moment (never been great but currently waking every 1-3 hours and take about 1-3 hours to settle down for bed). She is perpetually tired. Clings to me, she’s not a huge fan of DH during leaps. Lovely for brief moments in the day. A grouchy nightmare for the rest of it. She cries and she screams. Seems to feeding more so than ever.

How did/do you get through it if your baby is as needy as mine? This is worse than when she was newborn. I have PND too. I am absolutely exhausted and feel like my happy baby has gone. I feel like it’s all my fault and I must be doing everything wrong. No idea how to cope.

Co-sleeping is a no-go. Tried it a few times and it didn’t help and I didn’t sleep well anyway.

I don't really believe in leaps as they've pretty much been discredited, but babyhood is a series of peaks and troughs like this. Just repeat 'this too will pass' and do what you need to do to to keep going. I found getting out daily was a must. I would go stir crazy from staying inside on bad days, and just a change of scenery sometimes worked wonders, for me as well as DD. And remember that crying isn't some awful, terrible thing that must be avoided. It's a form of communication, their only form at the moment really, and crying doesn't mean you're failing her in some way. Sometimes babies cry and all you can do is cuddle them and wait for it to stop. And that's OK.

Also high needs babies are absolutely a thing (it's a recognised temperament type) and they are exhausting so don't feel like you're doing something wrong. If you and DH can try to take it in shifts so you can get some sleep, it might help. Stick earplugs in and try get a few hours from maybe 8-11 or midnight or something.

What do you mean 24 days left? Do you think your baby has some sort of timer inside of it?

How old is she?

Wow @georgiethegorgeousgoat way to support a struggling mother. Piss off.

@Dipsydoodle thank you for your comments. That’s interesting about leaps being discredited. The HVs in my area are always talking about them. I must admit I don’t think every baby fits the mould but she is definitely feels like a different baby at the moment.

@PullingMySocksUp sorry I should have said. 16 weeks.

Nice. I’m just pointing out that you’re going to be sorely disappointed if in 25 days time your baby is still high needs. My third was far more demanding than my other two and starting getting easier at about 2.5yrs.

I actually think the leap/Wonder Weeks stuff is not just wrong but harmful, for that reason. You look at the calendar and say 'oh my god, 24 days of hell ahead' but that's not how babies work. It's nonsense and the reason people think it works is confirmation bias. Babies are by their very nature up and down, have difficult days, and the 'leaps' are close enough together that everything can be attributed to entering a leap, being in a leap, coming out of a leap. There are no leaps, there's just babyhood. They have growth spurts, they learn stuff, they have regressions, but that's just being a baby and every one is different.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.fatherly.com/love-money/the-wonder-weeks-child-development-fact-check/amp/

16 weeks, could she be teething? If she does not want the dummy or bottle, try some teething gel/calpol and see if that helps x its so hard when they are so young and they cannot tell you what is wrong! X

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat why didn’t you say that then, instead of your sarcy and unnecessary comment? You knew you were being a dick with a response like that. I am feeling very fragile at the moment and you have contributed nothing to help. So piss off.

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat you will see @Dipsydoodle is making a similar point to yours. Except in a much more considerate way.

Yes @Galaxygirl93 but she’s been showing teething signs for ages! Calpol has helped a couple of times but as you say, hard to know what’s wrong.

She also has CMPA so I am worried that she could have another allergy as her nappies are all over the place but I also hear that could be teething.

Parenting is hard!!!

Have you cut soy out of your diet? My friend's baby is CMPA and also reacts badly to soy and eggs. Apparently the soy thing is fairly common (and a bugger as it's in loads of stuff)

I stopped looking at all of that after DC1 (PFB) when in my sleep deprived state I was very confused why he wasn't following the rules and stopping his twatish behaviour according to schedule.

I am now on month 5 of DC3 and just accept that each of them is their own person with their own experience. They're going to feel ill sometimes. They're going to be annoyed sometimes. I just deal with each day and hope that they learn to sleep by 5.

Stop putting so much expectation on your self and a baby who can't read.

I agree with PP. the WW app is BS and harmful.

You’re the one swearing and getting nasty. You’re using all your energy moaning at me for pointing out your ‘24 days left’ was a bit daft. Which it is.

Parenting IS hard, constantly changing needs and wants along with every day life to cope with.

Maybe you need to see your Gp if you’re feeling that fragile? I’ve had to in the past.

I hope your baby settles soon.

@georgiethegorgeousgoat

I am a sleep deprived first time mum with PND. I know this is Mumsnet but you could have been kinder. You chose not to be, that’s fine, but you’ve made feel worse rather than better. Would you have said what you said to a friend who called round for advice? I hope not. I hope you would have been kinder.

I am under care of GP for my mental health. I came here to ask for other people’s advice on coping strategies. I can’t bother the GP all the time can I? I am having a really rough time and I was looking for support. I don’t really need you to tell me I am daft, but fine. Maybe I am. I am also tired, anxious and miserable. But yeah, thanks for letting me know I am daft too.

I am sorry for my nasty comments.

@Dipsydoodle I might try soy next but you are right - it is in everything and if this is just a fussy phase for my baby it will have been in vain! We have a follow up appt about her CMPA in the new year so perhaps will discuss and consider it then.

Mine are in their 30s. "Developmental leaps" hadn't been invented then.

I thought my terrible mental health had broken my first baby at 16 weeks, she was in such a tizz.
I ended up standitin the broom cupboard to feed her as anywhere else in the planet was too stimulating.
It passes OP, and then they emerge with amazing new super powers, like sitting up or pointing.
4 months was the age mine seemed to turn from newborns to babies with distinct characters. It's so exciting see what comes next, that's what gets me through.

OP, other places for mental health support could be the charities Pandas, The Birth Trauma Association and the Perinatal Mental Health Partnership.
I hope things get better for you x

It could also relate to the four-month sleep regression.. Some also don't believe in those (I think mainly whose babies weren't affected by it!) but there's a more scientific basis in that it's to do with the maturation of sleep cycles. Babies need to be able to link them together and if they can't, that's when they wake up. Some babies find it easier to learn than others. Both mine had dummies for example which they used as a prop to get to sleep. DC1 went through a horrendous sleep regression at 3.5 months which meant if the dummy had fallen out when she was about to enter a new sleep cycle, she would wake up and would need the dummy back to get back to sleep (and couldn't yet put it back herself! 😴). DC2 however despite also having a dummy was better at putting himself back to sleep even without the dummy so wouldn't wake up as much. If you're feeding to sleep, that might be why she's waking up as she can't put herself back to sleep by herself. It's just something that some babies take longer to learn how to do.