Anyone consistently spent Christmas with family then after this year thought "fuck it" we aren't doing that any more?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

We've always gone to my folks. Dh even went there pre kids when I worked Christmas day. Every year I offer for us to go to his family - he declines - we host his family Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

It's always frazzled and busy at my folks. Our dc are the only kids and it's starting to get a bit of a balancing act between letting the kids relax a bit and enjoy themselves and keeping them in sufficient check not to piss off the other guests (I.e. playing noisy toys in another room rather than next to the hard of hearing neighbour etc).

I'm fucking knackered afterwards. It's busy, loud, indoors. I don't like spending all day indoors - neither do the kids.

Next year I want to stay home. And not see anyone apart from us four. Nice breakfast, long walk on the coast, then home for a nice hot meal. The kids can play their noisy toys, dh and I can relax properly.

Dh thinks it will only delay the inevitable and that my folks will insist on a big dinner the next day or so.

Me
I'm 34 kids are 17 and 9 and I just did my first Christmas just the four of us t home.
Loved everything about it, no stress.no timings and the kids were chilled.
I will be doing it again.
I offered my family(we usually spend it with them) a meal mid December with no alternative date, other than one sister and her kids they all said no to be silly and my parents tried to change our minds right up until 8pm Christmas eve but I stuck firm and repeated my offer for a meal and a steady no thank you.offer

Do it.

Rogue offer in there...still recovering from all the booze.

Us. First few Christmases with children we alternated, then we realised the kids should be waking up in their own house, with us setting our own traditions.

My parents are totally fine and understand, think Dhs are too. We see both sets over the break at some point for 2/3 days each so they see the kids and we say happy Christmas.

We didn't even cook a roast yesterday, just a special meal- that was a revelation! No sweating and spending two hours in the kitchen. Lots of games and grazing and relaxing.

If your family is local, then I would go for it- see them on the other days.

Yes us. Lots of running around in previous years. Spent our first alone this year, heavenly bliss. DH & older DCs are fine and we'll see them in the next few days.

Smoked salmon blinis at 1030am in our pjs and no other commitments? Heaven.

DP I meant

We decided this last year and this Christmas was absolutely glorious. We stayed in pyjamas, we watched all the good TV, had a delicious lunch with exactly what we wanted to eat and generally loved every minute. We both said how it seemed to go so quickly when usually Christmas day with family seems to go on for about 3 days. I don't think I can go back to spending Christmas day with family again. I'll happily see them Christmas eve/boxing day but do our own thing Christmas day. Means our son who is about to turn 4 actually got to play with his toys too!

Your parents are your family though.

While I agree it shouldn't be stressful (people go way overboard imo) christmas is for being with family.

I'd HATE my kids seeing me exclude my parent/siblings on Christmas day. I can only hope your children exclude you when they have 'families' of their own.

I swear , this is the last time!!! I've cooked for 7+ now for 4 days, 3 meals a day and I'm exhausted, my house is noisy, a mess and I don't want to be sociable but I'm sitting here "watching" a movie before the next catering opportunity of tea and cake (homemade). I didn't used to mind, I wanted to do it bigger and better than my mum did but things change, my kids grew up,h left, and I want to be elsewhere with my new man not being a chef'

We host two sets of parents and bil and sil Christmas day and night for various logistical reasons, and an additional family come and stay at ours immediately after Christmas for two days, also for logistical reasons. Then we travel six hours to visit another set of parents. Its way too much. The worst of all worlds to my mind (we host the main event, we host guests for 3-4 days, we also travel. Our dc don't get to relax in their own home).

We've fucked off skiing this year. Everyone has made other arrangements (suddenly logistics change?)

God knows what we'll do next year. All I know is something has to change. I don't begrudge relatives but I also think we have a right to choose some arrangements that suit us.

This year we went to the Inlaws they are nothing like my own family.
DH said this morning that he missed my families Christmas this year.
I have a big family, Christmas is always a nightmare. My brothers are always pissed by 2pm, Sil's will be sitting with their faces tripping them, the kid's run around fighting over toys and hitting each over. My sister's are ok until one of them has one too many and turns into a mental cow. The karaoke Machine is pulled out about 1am everyone has a go.
Every year we always say next year we're doing our own thing at Christmas, this is the first year we weren't there. I missed them too, but I would never tell them 😂😂

As a previous poster, we have alternated.the last few years between skiing and being at home. This year its home. To be fair, we had a lovely day yesterday with friends then just us at home, but hosting now all the way through to New Years day.

I wish i was on the slopes. God, it is so lovely, quiet, stressfree, fun, just totally Christmassy and I love it. If I could my H to do it every year, I would.

This will be me next year.

Christmas Day was a slog yesterday and for the past 13 years I've hosted.

I went to bed exhausted and fed up after waiting on ILs for 12 hours and my mother and partner in the day.

This will change next year.

(My mother's partner).

We spent last weekend with my family, will see DHs fsmily tomorrow/Saturday, but we have been holed up in our own house all alone since Christmas Eve and it is just lovely. Comfy clothes, easy food, TV on and fire lit. I feel really well rested!

Tad harsh Radyio

My parents Christmas day includes neighbours, uncles and aunts, close friends. Every single year. They won't be alone. They also have floated the idea of, themselves, going abroad for Christmas one year.

We did it this year. Came away to Devon on the 21st and don’t return home until tomorrow. It’s been absolute bliss. No running around, no chaos, no in-laws round at 7am on Christmas Day to watch the kids open their presents......I don’t want to go home!

Meet with them before Christmas. That’s what we do - some years even in November! I agreed leaving the meet up till after Xmas makes it loom somehow. We then have a onesie-day Xmas - the kids love & I no longer dread December. My friend can’t face any potential wider family fall out from pulling out of “the expected” Xmas day do so they have a onsies day Boxing Day. (Onsies are of course optional!)

I never get the “but they’ll be on their own if you don’t please them rather than yourselves” type comments...I didn’t have kids so they could keep me entertained every December! I have no doubt I’ll be sad if/when they do decide to leave us on our own for Xmas...but I’ll deal with those feelings myself...and book a holiday over Xmas I expect!

Radyio, I can honestly say that I would give my children my happy blessing to do whatever they fancy on Christmas Day! Grandchildren included. I shan't be pining for then, weeping into my sherry, wailing that they don't love me. They're not my property brought out to entertain me each year. How silly.

I will be busy doing my own thing, hopefully with my dh! Maybe volunteering, maybe holidaying, maybe not bothering at all- how luxurious.

We do things our way and I'm certainly not beholden to old fashioned ' traditions', just because I have to be, and not will be my children.

And I'm grown up enough (as are my folks) to know we all love each other very much. We just prefer a quiet one.

Gerbo

My adult son did have xmas alone with his partner this year and I'm very happy for him to do so particularly because he asked his GF to marry him !! But I wasn't alone and nor were my parents.

I think it's a fine line between people having time and space alone ... but also not having people alone this time of year.

I had my Mum and Brother here this year, three of my kids and one of their partners lives with us, so they are usually here, but my eldest had Xmas in her own place with her wife and popped to the PIL for dinner.

Some year my kids are here, some years they go to partners and as they get their own homes I fully expect them to want to do their own thing!

As a PP said..I didn't have kids to expect them to entertain me, or to be available, if they want to come, we host, if they don't that's fine. We love each other and don't need to prove it over Xmas dinner!

Next year DS1 will be in Australia and my brother is finally getting married so I presume neither will be here!

We used to go to my mum's for Xmas every year (she, and the rest of both our families) only lives 10 minutes away so it wasn't a big journey + overnight thing and I did always enjoy it but quite a few members of my family are very loud and overbearing and very opinionated so it does get a bit wearing after a few hours with all of them. 3 years ago, the 2nd Xmas after my step-dad died, we decided to stay at home. No animosity or anything but it we were fed up of the noise, the opinions, the overcooked food that is always hours late etc. Our Christmas day is now relaxed and quiet and our dc can spend the whole day playing with their toys and not have to pack them up and wait for boxing day or later. We have nice food and no cutting comments on judgements on things we say, buy or do. It's lovely.

We stayed at home this year, fibbed to my grandparents that we were away so didn't have to go to the family gathering an see my mother who I'm no contact with.

Dp sister came round with kids hubby 7 of them Xmas eve and it was great.

Just so nice to relax and the children be able to enjoy all their toys.

@HandsOffMyRights you've described exactly how I felt last night. Felt exhausted catering and waiting on my ILs.

They are rather old fashioned and want to spend prolonged periods eating formally, drinking wine at the table. It's so boring for my DS and I hate it too. I tried to do something different this year food wise to make it more casual and it just didn't work.

We've had them every Christmas day for at least the past 10 years now and things have to change next year. I'm going to try for either a sit down meal Christmas Eve or if they come Christmas Day I've told DH he's in charge of cooking the meal. He can cook a curry and trimmings instead.

I had that a few years ago. We now spend our Xmas day as a family of 4, though at some point I'd like the ILs over this is more to do with the house than them but I'll not do the ferrying dc around to various places, overnight trips with overbearing family, etc again. There's time in the run up and afterward to make sure we spend some Xmas with family, but more chilled with everyone generally happier.

It might delay the inevitable but IME it also takes the edge off because it’s not done on actual Christmas Day.