A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into
the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain
stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
**
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband.
**
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed
him
a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
**
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of typhoid in the
convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
chardonnay."
**
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
need
more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
going
to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me
when
you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt
them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think
I
don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels
like
when I'm driving."
*