I'm not ungrateful, it's just that it's the same every year, indicative of poor decision making, crap money management and last minute grabbing something random on Christmas Eve.
I got one gift. One more than last year and and better than the £1 Primark earrings I got for my birthday. I don't need or want a bloody Finishing Touch Flawless Folding Mirror. It was bought out of guilt rather than just not getting me anything at all which is what would have been better. She only got it because I got her something and by the time she had told me not to because she couldn't afford to get me anything, I confirmed that I'd already bought her gift.
I don't care, I would have bought her gifts regardless because I love my mum to death, I know there's no malice in it and I don't give to receive. She deserves everything I bought her. But at the same time, I'm so fucking disappointed. How can I pretend to be excited about a mirror?? She had asked me for suggestions of what to buy me "before she realised she'd screwed up her money" (yet again). I didn't ask for anything big, the £10 she spent on this bloody mirror would have covered it.
I've paid for all of Christmas. All the food, all the drinks, all the extras, all the gifts. Just once it would be nice to have somebody think about me, treat me to something nice. Instead it's another year of disappointment. My birthday is coming up soon, it will be the same again with the same excuses.
I know truly it's not about the gift (or lack there of), it's about what it represents. I've just started therapy to work through the generational shit show that is my family so I know it's deeper than presents. I just feel really sad today.
So, while DD (7) entertains herself with her mountain of gifts, I'm already browsing the sales online.
Anyone else?