Christmas depression creeping in.......

[cwtchesandprosecco]

Anyone else already exhausted by pretending to be happy?

I lost my mum this time last year and I’m spending Christmas with family friends. I know I’m lucky not to be on my own but feel so alone and constantly on the edge of tears......

Any tips on how to cope?

No tips sorry but I lost my dad in March and finding Christmas hard too xx

Sorry no tips either ..trying to be cheerful but Christmas makes me sad. My mum died almost two years ago (feels like yesterday). I'm lucky that I have my DH and my sons but the thought of them growing up and me getting older is just making me feel really sad today.

I am however looking forward to finding a good book and losing myself in it til Christmas is over.

Can I ask what your family situation is? How old are you ? Husband partner siblings etc ?

I'd take it slow, have a relaxing bath in the morning, go for a walk if it gets too much at family friends

Xxxx

@bigchris I’m 26 and single..... no other family really. Some distant relations that I swap the odd text with but other than that I’m completely alone.

I have lots of friends and I’m staying with friends of my mums that I’ve know since I was born for Christmas, but still feel totally and utterly alone. There’s no ‘blood’ family iyswim.

I just constantly feel like I’m about to burst into tears

Lost my dad in September so have an idea how you feel. Am trying to keep my elderly Mum afloat so only have a private tear with DH at night. I think the “lonely” feeling is part and parcel of the grief and will wane in time. Lost a partner to cancer 20 years ago so have walked this road before...it does get better eventually- but you never forget ((hugs)) OP

3 good mates died unexpectedly & my 28 year old niece this year. It’s been a horrible year. I’m cooking dinner for 10 tomorrow & again on 26th. It’s all an act. This too will pass

Sending hugs to you OP. Take yourself off and have a big cry, you may feel a little bit better.

Explain to someone that you are feeling sad, talking about it will help. Ask to share some loving memories of your mum, if they are family friends then they will be able to do that.

Help someone else, so offer to make some food, or mull some wine or make tea. Suggest a board game if they like that kind of thing.

Ask anyone if they want to get out for a walk or to the pub.

It’ll pass this intense feeling, it’s an emotional time of year. It does get easier to bear.

It's a tricky time. The Past and the Present seem to be vividly in my mind and competing with each other every second!
What I am trying to do is use the word 'And'.
I can feel like things are shit AND I can be kind to myself and create a nice space for myself in the next hour, and then the next hour and so on.

Lost my dad April 2018 and completely sacked off Christmas last year. Went away with adult DD just before, then ignored it. This year I’m going with her to her boyfriend’s family. Could weep tonight. Just not into it.

Me too
I hate Christmas now. My Dd died 4yrs ago she loved Christmas. My mum died 2yrs ago.
Earlier today I picked up Wreaths for the cemetery tomorrow. This year I've found it really hard to put on a happy face on BUT I have Dd2 (4) she is so excited about Santa.
I wish I could go to bed with the duvet over my head until January.

Marian Keyes has made this brilliant video which I found really helpful. I think there are lots of us in the same boat.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=-4eDFg-XTuQ

I like to listen to the amazing podcast "Griefcast" by Cariad Lloyd. It strikes a really good balance of serious and light and I just find it really comforting to hear the experiences and stories of other people 'in the club' ie people who have lost someone close to them... especially at this time of year when most people are happy and not feeling like me. I listen on my earphones at night and early in the morning when I can't sleep - I am always bad in December. Best wishes to you all, hoping for peace x

Am finding it hard here too. Lost both parents and siblings much older and distant.

Urgh yes - sorry you’re all feeling crap :( I’m upstairs in my room alone as my parents are both in such negative moods. My mum forced me to drink some wine to ‘lighten up’ (I’m exhausted as haven’t had a day off work for over a week) before I was allowed to get any food to eat (hadn’t had time for lunch today and this was 6pm!) then we were sat in the living room listening to rock music in silence and she leapt up and turned it off and got angry we weren’t acting all happy. Dad and I are exhausted from work. I really miss several loved ones that aren’t with us at this time of year. Hate having to seem forced happy around my own family. Doesn’t compare to many others’ experiences I know but just feel miserable. It’s not even Christmas Day yet and apparently every person in the whole of the country is expected to feel joyous

With us anymore*

I am feeling really flat too. It isn't just grief...my very best friend died two years ago...but it isn't that I don't think. I have been incredibly busy and stressed at work and really need a break...finished last night but just can't get in to Christmas at all. Still feeling anxious and low despite being organised and having a very low stress Xmas planned.

So sorry for your loss.
It isn't the same but I delivered our son stillborn last year weeks before Christmas.
I've found little rituals help, doing things that remind us both that he existed. At dinner tomorrow we will have a candle nearby with his initial on, and I intend to try and spend some quiet time alone tomorrow thinking about him.
I do appreciate it's not the same kind of loss, but I read that doing little things to honour the person you have lost can help.
Sending you love and strength xx