I'm looking for some detailed advice on how to do this. What would a fair deal look like and how do I get there? I'll try to be as brief as possible while giving as much information as you need.
I'm done. No hard feelings on my part and I want to end it now before it grinds us both down. He will be very very upset but he is a good man and deserves to be loved.
Relationship: together a long time, married 3, one preschool DC.
House: no mortgage, put equal cash into it.
My earnings: part-time, low-paid job I love. 3 days a week, 14k a year. No chance of pay rise. I could get a different job (really don't want to, I love mine), or an additional one (bar work or something in the evenings I don't have DC). Have checked entitledto and I might be eligible for universal credit once we're properly separated.
I think there are two main options really
a) leap then tell him-rent a place and stop putting my salary into the joint account, letting him deal with all household bills and I sort myself out until we split marital assets (looking at the numbers this would be really difficult). This has the advantage of an emotional break and headspace, rather than living together post-split, but would be messy financially.
b) Tell him it's over and work out how to do it together. Either we sell the house to the highest bidder and both buy somewhere else (I'd have to get somewhere tiny outright as won't be able to afford a mortgage on that money), or we work out the value of the house (how to do that fairly?) and he buys me out. If that happens I'll negotiate for some extras (the car, which isn't worth much) and what I need of the furnishings as I'll be the one starting again.
He'll want to split parenting 50/50 and though that will hurt I know it's for the best. I don't want an ongoing financial relationship with him beyond buying stuff for DC. I think we'll be able to work it so that DC is with him on my working days, so I won't be paying for childcare (is this how it works? Should I offer to split the costs anyway?).
Am I missing anything? I'll move somewhere near-ish but don't know what we'll do when it comes to schools-pick whichever is best out of both our catchments, I guess.
Typing it all out makes it seem feasible-I'll have to be frugal but that's ok. I'd love to hear any ideas and suggestions from those of you who've been there, though. Am I going to be alright? Is my DC?