How to support autistic friends and relatives at Christmas

[noblegiraffe]

I just read this twitter thread and thought it might be useful:

twitter.com/commaficionado/status/1209162833310732289?s=21

I think the most important one for me to remember is:

“18. Let #autistic people escape if need be: to their room, out for a walk alone, to the toilet for prolonged periods... Let them recharge.”

There can be a big emphasis on ‘its Christmas, we all have to spend every minute of it as a family’ and that can be very overwhelming, (for introverts as well as autistic people.)

I have to say that taking my 18m old upstairs with a coffee to a silent room to feed her was absolute bliss. An hour to collect myself again.

Thanks for sharing this.

I’m with you on 18 being the most important one.

I always say the best thing you can do for an autistic person is to let them be autistic. Let them use the tools that they need to use to be able to cope.

I love this.
We only have an autistic child (age 5) and we can see how stressful this time is for him (and has been for the last 5 bloody weeks!).
His present is a big black pop up dark tent full of sensory toys and lights. If he wants to sit in that all day tomorrow so be it!

We've very recently found out about DS1 (9) who is normally high functioning... except when he isn't...

It's a Christmas meal out (arranged before diagnosis).
My plan is:
Briefing in advance
Toys to entertain
Ear defenders, fluffy blanket avaliable for sensory needs.
Take breaks outside if necessary.

Family are now aware, and it's a relief that it is now a clear reason why he can struggle and that's it's not a poor behaviour choice, because he's a fantastic kid when he's coping.

@Jemimapuddleduk can I get one of those from Father Christmas to take to my in-laws please??

Jemima, the tent sounds wonderful!

DS has just had a cabin bed built and he loves it, all cosied up high behind the solid sides where he can hide or spy. To be fair, it is pretty awesome

😁! It’s from sensory direct. I’m hoping there’s some space for me too! We even found a really snuggly glow in the dark fleece blanket.

God yes, the food too! I'm looking at you Dear Mum. We make a special effort to have things DS will eat on the table with absolutely no pressure to gorge himself silly or try something new.

It’s taken our family and friends a long time to get to grips with what our DS with autism needs in these heightened, busy, highly social situations like Christmas.

He needs to be allowed some quiet time away from the big group. He sometimes needs to zone out on his headphones for a bit. He is happy to have a conversation, but he finds long chats around the table hard, might seem grumpy when he is just overwhelmed or feeling awkward, and he will need breaks to be on his own now and then.

Luckily most of our close people get it now, and as he is a teenager his behaviour is pretty much like the other teens in the family with regards to wanting to escape to look at his phone and eat crisps in peace .

I have HFA/PDA 18yr old.
She doesn't live at home and I ust let her get on with it in whichever way she wants.
She's coming here on Boxing day, but if she changes her mind, that's fine, if she wants to sit on her phone, fine, doesn't want much to eat, fine etc etc.
Following her lead is the best way.

Don’t force the autistic person to open gifts in front of the giver, as the expectation to respond in a certain way can e overwhelming.
Don’t follow or try to cajole the autistic person when they leave the room for some down time.

Thanks for posting this. My family is just getting the hang of accommodating my ASD teen, and it is helping a few other family members (undiagnosed) too!

Let #autistic people escape if need be: to their room, out for a walk alone, to the toilet for prolonged periods... Let them recharge.”

Couldn't agree more. This is the first thing I thought of when I saw the title of your thread.

Great twitter post. I have ASD and need to hide a lot. I also need direction. My mother expects me to “know” what needs doing - I don’t.

As an autistic person, this advice is all so good! In the last few years since I've had my diagnosis and understood what I need to do to keep myself calm and level I've been able to keep close to sensory safe spaces and quiet rooms when I'm with my family or we have people at home. This kind of stuff makes such a huge difference.