To not want to live anymore because of my social anxiety.

[Rollyz]

I've been like this all my life and I'm losing the will to carry on.

I can't get past low paid jobs even though I would love to do something more mentally challenging.

I was bright at school and could have excelled in a field if it wasn't for my social anxiety. I'm not talking being some big shot CEO / director or anything but just even earning £25k and I'd be happy.

Instead ive watched everyone else flourish and grow in their lives whilst I've been stuck in the same place.

It's stopped me from developing friendships and it's honestly a miracle I even found a dh stupid enough to marry me.

I've been to the gp and have done CBT which didn't make s difference at all. The therapist didn't know what the heck to do with me and suggested a mindfulness course which didn't help either.

I don't know if to just accept being a failure and accept that things will never be better.

A high paid job isn’t alway a mark of success - believe me, the amount of right place right time people I’ve worked for proves that.
And there’s more people in low paid ones than higher - stop thinking of the triangle point up and think of it point down - without you there would be no CEO.
Social anxiety sucks - I know, I have it and I could have gone much further, but I haven’t. I don’t even get satisfaction from the work I do. So I look for it elsewhere. Work is only one section of my life. And there’s so many other areas that to me are more important - I have a clear conscience, I consider myself a good daughter, a good mum and a good friend.
I’m sure you must be great at something - from your post you obviously care, you wouldn’t have written it if you didn’t.

And your dh obviously doesn’t see you like that either

I'm sorry you feel so low. Can you pay for private therapy? It has helped me massively.

It sounds like moving onto a more mentally challenging, and better paid, job is important to you which is fair enough. What are the true barriers to that happening? Do you have much support?

Pay for done therapy, a friend of mine has singing lessons, it’s helped massively with her confidence.

I had it for years OP and it was very severe. I couldn't cope with interviews, had no friends and was single for 10 years.
CBT can't really help you here.
I turned it around by making a bit chart and scheduling in twice weekly activities on it including things like talk to someone at a bus stop, chat to the cashier in the supermarket, and attend a local event for half an hour. Make yourself do it.
Now I have an active social life and while still a bit of a loner I can see people when I want.
The only way out of this hole is to take baby steps out of it and make yourself do things. Gold star yourself as you go.
You can do it, it doesn't always feel comfortable but then wanting to die isn't comfortable either.
I did it for a year - that was my target, and life improved no end.
Prepare a topic of conversation before you go. List all the things you might want to say.
Medication helps to a certain degree too. Good luck.

Being sociable is like learning a foreign language - you can discuss it with somebody but you won't learn it untill you get out there and practice.
I chose events like pagan moot, WI, slimming world, walking groups as its much easier to talk to people in those situations.

Could you consider doing something voluntary
Perhaps something you love ?

Mad cat lady that’s a really good suggestion
Did you think that up yourself or where you advised to do that

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way OP. I have crippling anxiety which stops me living my life to the fullest. I swear if I didn't have children that needs to go to school I dont think I'd leave the house again. You have my sympathy OP.

Honestly I'm sat here and I can't bear another just watching everyone else living whilst I barely exist.

Op - I had massive social anxiety as a t

OP have you ever tried medication for anxiety?

Op - I has massive social anxiety as a teenager and early twenties. Actually, probably more like social phobia - it was really very bad. I'm now 50, and have totally cracked it. When I tell my friends (and I've got lots of friends) about how i used to be, they don't really believe me as I come across as very confident and friendly. Actually, that's not quite right. I genuinely am confident and friendly, it's not just that I seem that way.

The secret? It was a bloody hard slog. Getting on with others and being sociable and relaxed in the company of others is a skill that can be learned, just like learning to drive or passing your A levels. You just need to identify individual skills involved in getting on with others and practice them relentlessly. The more you practice, the better you get, the more positive reaction you get from others the less scary it becomes. You've just got to be brave and give it a go.

Find some books about how to talk to others. Take one small aspect about what to do e.g. how to start a conversation. Prepare in advance. So, think about the sorts of things you could say to someone such as ask them about their Xmas, comment about something in the immediate environment, ask them about something you know they've done recently. Have a go! If it goes wrong, tell yourself, you're just learning and you just haven't cracked it yet. Next time it will be better. If it goes well, acknowledge that you did something scary, it paid off and you're learning new skills.

Good luck! You really can do this.

I've not had social anxiety since I was a teen / early adulthood. I've been like this since very very young. It's like I'm stuck in freeze mode all the time. I can't move forward. I hate myself.

Sorry you’re feeling like this OP. I feel exactly same so no advice but know there’s others like yourself out there. Try the tips ppl have suggested x

I'm hardly the life and soul of the party myself. This issue does require effort. I actually practice talking to people i dont know. It comes easy to me as i have a fleet of unknown people passing before my eyes every day im at work but leaving that aside,,any random person you meet anywhere,just take a chance. It could be something as simple as good morning. Of course it depends on circumstances but it other settings it could be a compliment.."oh i love you coat/jumper/whatever" and lo and behold, a conversation may ensue.

Sure sometimes you might get blanked but every single time you reach out,you will feel that little bit more confident and stronger.

Often times people actually want to talk. A chance comment/hello/good morning/compliment could lead anywhere ! Heck people have even got married and had kids on the back of starters like that !

I remember watching a documentary about people with this and similar issues and they were compelled to practice the above skill. It was excruciating for most of them at first but it got easier and the response from their target was often favourable..

I am sorry you are feeling down. I also suffer badly with social anxiety and always have done. It has affected my life greatly. Been for help but nothing has really succeeded.

Your DH obviously doesn't think you are a failure and you are not. We are all different with our own limitations and circumstances. I can vouch for the fact that money does not bring happiness. I can vouch for the fact that those people who seem to have it all, do not. And that those who appear happy are often in a hell of some sort. People are worried sick about things but do not tell anyone or get help.

Personally I have had to learn to accept who I am and work within my limits. I know I can do better and have been stunted. But I have found a place where I am content enough with my lot. I don't beat myself up so much. I hope you can find a place of calm and maybe try something different, try doing something which sparks your interest or can help you find a more interesting job. Gym/a course/walking/hobby/grow some veg/baking/pet etc.etc.

Lardlizard
I tried counselling and all sorts but in the end I knew only direct action would work so I thought this up as a plan and it really works.

Try the webinars from the girl with the curly, they do training sessions for people with autism. I'm not saying you have autism but a lot of people with autism have severe anxiety. They have lots of training sessions on anxiety & social anxiety that you can do from home. There might be tips on there that can help you.

www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/anxiety-autism-webinar-with-sam-tickets-84406272433?ref=ecal

Hi OP just checking. How are you feeling today? Did u take any of the advice people have sugggested here?