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Original poster

Salary expectations

41 replies

NothingIsWrong · 24/12/2019 10:23

I was chatting with my husband the other day, and I said that we had a really nice life with both of us bringing in decent money. He laughed and said I barely covered anything and that he was the real provider.

For reference, I earn £38k working 30 hours a week meaning we need minimal childcare, just breakfast club 3 days a week. I would not call that minimal contribution at all. I don't know how much he earns as an annual salary as it's all in dividends, he puts about £4K/month into our joint account. Which is about twice what I do.

I am fucking livid that he classes that as a minimal contribution. I work bloody hard for it as well, I've got a local authority pension with it and my boss is super flexible so I really couldn't do better anywhere else.

He's a dick, isnt he?

OP posts:

Sharkyfan · 24/12/2019 13:14

OP your situation sounds a bit similar to mine apart from I earn I bit less than you but I think still very decent (£40K if I was full time, I’m half time), and DH earns a bit more.
It annoys me too as he views my contribution as insignificant in the light of his, and takes no interest whatsoever in my work/doesn’t value it even though objectively it is very important and valuable to society (also public sector).

One difference though is that we don’t have joint accounts and although on paper our joint income is large, I don’t have full access to it and he transfers 1/10 of his monthly income to my account and I pay for everything for the kids and have to watch money each month not to go further and further into my overdraft.

To be fair - I can see his account and he is also left with nothing at the end of the month as our bills are very big but I’m still not quite sure where it all goes!

Original poster

NothingIsWrong · 24/12/2019 13:40

@ItsLikeHeardingCats bang on. He owns a third with two partners of a company that currently has another 4 employees beyond himself. Doing very well at the moment, no indications that this won't continue but who knows. Based around the construction industry which is a notoriously fickle mistress.

I have a share on paper, but this is mainly used so we can draw my dividend allowance tax free. I don't have any equity.

As far as I'm aware, his share of the business is a marital asset...

OP posts:

UpperLowercaseSymbolNumber · 24/12/2019 14:11

What do you mean you have a share but not equity? Shares are exactly what equity is.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Childcare & nursery

Verily1 · 24/12/2019 14:29

You need to find out how much his income and assets are.

He sounds like the kind of prick who will plead poverty on divorce and leave you with nothing and pay no CM!

Velveteenfruitbowl · 24/12/2019 14:35

I think it’s all relative to household expenditure and his earning potential. It’s also worth considering the effect of his working pattern on his psychology. When you don’t have a regular income but have a business instead it’s very easy to think of £2k as ‘just’ £2k which you could get in fifteen minutes by calling up someone or other. As it stands you contribute one third. It’s hardly insignificant.

FFSFFSFFS · 24/12/2019 14:43

£4k a month is about the same as a salary of £70k. Taking into account your pension contributions, he is contributing more but not really significantly more.

I would stop doing everything that you don't think will directly harm your children and give him some insight.

I would also - and I really do mean this - go and see a lawyer for advice on protecting yourself financially. It doesn't sound like you're near divorce - but it also sounds like thats quite plausible at some time in your future and he very clearly would not be reasonable at finances.

user1480880826 · 24/12/2019 14:48

You might as well just pay your salary into your own account and spend it on yourself if it’s not contributing to your family income. Sounds like you could do with a rainy day pot with that for a husband.

Silencedwitness · 24/12/2019 15:52

He sounds like a self important cock. Surely if he’s director of his own company he can be a bit more flexible in helping with the kids and household life. The fact that he doesn’t value what you do would make me furious. Could he be put out you’re not under the thumb and chained to the kitchen sink?

Original poster

NothingIsWrong · 24/12/2019 19:53

I have one share that has no equity attached to it and no voting rights - is just so they can pay a dividend on it.

He is mostly very generous with money, he doesn't spend much himself, and he can be very kind.

However at the moment he's obviously in a mither about something and is taking it out on me.

Given that all our savings are in my name, I don't think there is much more I can do. Mortgage is joint, we each own our own car. Apart from that, I think I would be able to offset the equity in the house against his share of the business and then I would be just fine.

I don't want to divorce him. I do genuinely love him, but he's such a fucking pig headed prick sometimes.

OP posts:

ohwheniknow · 24/12/2019 20:05

It wasn't an isolated off hand comment though.

He has form for making it difficult for you to fulfil the obligations of your job by refusing to pull his weight with childcare.

And he keeps pressuring you to give up work and make yourself dependent on him.

He's not the most evil man who ever walked the earth, obviously, but none of that is good. And it is concerning.

rookiemere · 24/12/2019 20:17

That's a bloody good salary, don't let him tell you differently it's way above uk average which I think is £29k.

I'm glad you're getting angry OP as what he's saying is out of order.

UpperLowercaseSymbolNumber · 24/12/2019 20:21

I would really look into this share business more closely as he may be having you on. It is possible they have created different classes of shares and you have a class that does not have voting rights attached. But shares ARE equity. That is precisely what equity is. Depending on your shareholding you may have voting rights and other rights regarding the company. Don’t take his dismissing lines at face value.

UpperLowercaseSymbolNumber · 24/12/2019 20:22

To the broader question though without knowing much more about what you do, what industry and area of the company it is very hard to say whether you should be looking for more. If the salary is market then the flex is great. But either way his attitude sucks and you know it.

Comefromaway · 24/12/2019 20:42

Depending on your shareholding you may have voting rights and other rights regarding the company.

Not necessarily.

I have 1%; my brother has 1% and my parents have 49% each of the company I work for. It means we can draw dividends but have no real say.

daisychain01 · 24/12/2019 20:52

He keeps making noises about me giving up work and just being at home. My job could be done freelance.

You aren't his chattel, he doesn't get to say whether you work or don't work, that's your decision. You'd be significantly disadvantaged if you gave up your job (loss of pension, loss of career momentum, loss of social interaction, loss of autonomy, need I say more).

How many women on here are told not to become financially dependent on their OH. It's the kiss of death, I'm telling you.

Never give up the day job!

Celeriacacaca · 24/12/2019 22:11

Echoing others who say invest in your financial independence by keeping your job. That's a huge contribution you make and if you put a price on everything else you do too, I'm sure it would go up significantly.

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