Child phobia of pooing, any advice please?

[Brookeborn]

My daughter has had endless problems with going to the toilet. Has Lactulose regularly. Thought we were getting on top of this, she is almost five, going every 2-3 days. Since a recent spell of illness she is going once a week, pacing, desperately holding it in. This sweet girl I have, wiser beyond her years, is now trying to fight me when it comes to sitting on the toilet.
We are taking her to the GP in the new year but I hoped there were some parents around who had experienced this situation, just for moral support if nothing else.
When she was two, it was as though her body forced her in a sense. Now the willpower of a five year old appears to be stronger than anything I can say. She finally managed to go today after an awful battle all day. I feel so broken and drained. I get she now has a phobia, how do I fix this?

I’ve never found lactulose very helpful. We found “poo goes to pooland” (it’s a free app) and movicol very helpful. Admittedly with slightly younger child (aged 4). Movicol was in very high doses to make it impossible NOT to go at first. Done with oversight of hospital paediatric gastrointestinal consultant.

Oh gosh we had this with my eldest. So hard to deal with.

What worked for us was a combination of bribery and breaking it down into what parts he found the most scary.

He was most scared of ‘the splash’ - so we fashioned a poo catcher out of toilet paper so it wouldn’t make a splash. (Jesus the things we do, eh?)

We started with just sitting on the toilet. He’d get rewards for 5 minutes. And I’ll be honest, we ramped up the ultimate rewards - after 5 poos on the toilet with minimal fuss, the prize was epic.

Have you looked at the Eric website? They have lots of information on withholding and toilet refusing

www.eric.org.uk/pdf-children-who-will-only-poo-in-a-nappy

Also the school nurses may run clinics that could help, you should be able to contact them once school starts again

My ds experienced severe constipation for many of a year because he just didn’t want to sit on the toilet. We were advised to routinely make him sit on the loo for 5 minutes after a meal. It took ages to get him to sit on loo but we used the time to read books and play on the iPad. We fought big time with him for over a year. He’s 6 now and I would say he managed to finally understand the need to sit on the loo and have a poo about a year ago. We had one horrendous period of constipation about 9 month ago but since then we seem to have clicked. Good luck, it just takes time and patience. X

Thanks for your comments and yes, the things we do. She understands what happens in her body, we have discussed at length ideas that even 'the queen of england' has to do her own business. She is so rational, and understands this in the day to day. The terror that appeared on her today for me saying it was time to sit on the toilet was unreal. Can't imagine what our neighbours think!
We've alternated Lactulose and syrup of figs. We've been gluten and lactose free. I think I am seeing results and then it crumbles. I have been in touch with ERIC before and will do again thank you.
I home ed her, and I have just realised that this should have been her first term and there genuinely would have been days she was not fit to go because of this. I will be telling the GP this of course.
It's comforting in a weird way to know she/we are not alone in this thanks xx

@kazza446 thank you that gives me hope. We set a timer of five minutes this week, just to sit and no pressure - she has found it distressing. X

This happened to me when I was little! My stepdad had just moved into the house and I remember being nervous of him hearing (or smelling) that I had been because he was a new person in my space! I would hold it in and it would leave me in awful pain. I ended up in hospital over it because my mum had no idea what was going on.
When everyone found out I remember my mum giving me a book about princesses that poo which really helped me!💩 😂 but even now (I'm 25) I still don't go everyday and won't ever go when anyone is in my house, or won't go anywhere other than my toilet! I'd say plenty of encouragement for your daughter and she will soon go bless her heart. The Dr may have some great advice too x

Yep we had thos with DS. So one day he had a very hard poo which hurt his bottom so in his tiny mind he associated pooing with pain so would hold and hold it. He would literally run around on his tip toes holding it in. GP perscribed lactalose however said we had to build up his trust and be patient as it wasnt an overnight solution. The lactalose was to make the poo soft so it didnt hurt. GP perscrubed 1-2 teaspoons a day after a week or so I spoke to GP and said no improvement and she said up the dosage to 5-7 a day.

It worked because he couldnt literally hold it in. I used to have to take spare clothes and pants everywhere with me. But in time he just used to go to the toilet. Another thing we dud was a reward chart for Thomas trains for everytime he pooed on the toilet

DD wasn’t scared of going, but we had constipation issues. I used to set up the tablet on a stool for her to watch as it sometimes took up to an hour for her to go.
Distraction was key for her.

Lactulose did nothing for us, but Movicol was the game changer. Read the book “The ins and outs of poop” by Thomas Duhamel - you can get it as a kindle download. Made me feel like shit as I realised that DC had been withholding for so long, but it really really helped.

Movicol worked for us too

Molasses is great. Maybe try a teaspoon of it melted into hot chocolate.

Or xylitol!

We had a very similar situation with dd1 when she was around 2. She was initially constipated amd had an anal fissure which made pooing very painful, so she started withholding her poo. It took ages to sort out (i mean several years to shake the association).

What worked for us was giving daily movicol so that her poo was soft and she couldn't hold it in, this stopped her from getting constipated again and having a painful poo. Our GP was happy for us to adjust how much we were giving each day. I also watched her fluid and fibre intake each day like a hawk, which helped.

We also talked about the poo trying to come out because it wanted to be flushed away (like it was a slide). And spent many hours reading to her while on the toilet until she gave up and did a poo. And had a massive family celebration she she did one!

Some really helpful suggestions on here thanks guys x

ERIC and The Poo Nurses video have all the best advice on this.
The thing to remember is that witholding/ impaction/ constipation will always take at least twice as long as the problem has existed to solve.
Any illness or psychological upset will take you back to square one, so you need to accept that it is a long, long haul.
The Poo Nurses video is brilliant. Watch it right to the end.

Just watched The Poo Nurses thanks for this. Today is a new day. I feel so sorry for her - if I could do it for her I would! Hopefully the doctor will prescribe movicol. In the meantime we will persist with scheduled toilet time perhaps with her kindle and lots of comfort.

Definitely get professional help asap. I have had several friends whose kids have issues and the underlying thing is how long it takes to resolve. The earlier you start the better and the more professional help you get quicker the more likely it is to fix. Ideally you want referring to the consultant - but there will be lots the gp wants you to try before then. Good luck.