Pushy mum has joined the club

[Tendertents]

My ds goes to an after school activity twice a week. This used be a group where all the parents are very nice, supportive non-competitive and just plain nice. It's a social setting I have felt very relaxed in and where the other mums I have met are all consistently kind and pleasant. I mentioned this activity to pushy mum whose ds is in the same class as ds and she instantly signed her ds up.

I can't really go into the ins and outs but this woman is the 'going over dead bodies' type of ambitious where her ds is concerned. She will be super nice to anyone who will help her achieve her goals and cold and dismissive to anyone who she sees as a completion or of no use to her furthering her ambitions for ds's.

I am unreasonably really disappointed that the club is not what it used to be with this pair of sharp elbows.

Please cheer me up with your own tales of pushy mums.

*who she sees as a competition

Between the rest of you you can keep the relaxed atmosphere. Just ignore all pushiness.

I hear ya OP! I had a friend who was ridiculously pushy with her DS and constantly tried to engage me in her one-sided competitiveness with my DD. They are only toddlers, I can only imagine what she'll be like in a few years. I started DD on solids early on GP's advice. She weaned her DS the next day and because he is a few days younger, he had done it "first". DD started crawling. She didn't message/reply to me for over a month until her son was crawling too. Her DS started walking at 11 months. My DD did not and she would send me weekly gleeful texts along the lines of "Any sign of her going yet? Oh don't worry, they all do it in their own time". It was so tiresome. DD very occasionally goes out with her grandparents for an hour or so without me, to the park or to feed the ducks. I also encourage her to play independently at times if I'm making her dinner etc. We have a lovely bond and she is a very secure, outgoing little girl. On hearing this "friend" feels compelled to tell me the thought of this absolutely horrifies her as she "didn't spend years pining for her DS in order to let others raise him or have him lonely by himself dramatic sad emojis". (She also can't understand why I work when I have a child but that's a whole other tangent!).

She was exhausting. I stopped answering her texts and am much happier for it.

If the other parents are as laidback and supportive as you said, I would strongly suspect she will start irritating the life out of them and they will just stop engaging with her beyond the bare minimum.

Slomi That's so ridiculous, she actually weaned her baby early and claimed they were first as he is younger?

I'm annoyed with myself for having mentioned this club to pushy mum in good faith as she wouldn't have know about it otherwise. It wouldn't matter if she was normal but she literally pounced on this opportunity, sucking up to those who run the club and elbowing everyone else out of the way so that her precious ds can be 'no.1'

In the past, before dc, I had a 'bff' call my new boss behind my back to ask him if there was a job for her in his company because she liked the sound of what I was doing and was determined that she had to have what I had.

Hard nosed ambition, coupled with a dose of envy and misgiving.

Any advice on how to not let pushy people ruin your peace of mind?

My experience is run away my son was bullied by pushy mums son for years at school no one did anything because she has ingratiated herself into every aspect of the school pushing her son into everything he would look good in she is convinced he is the next Beckham everytime he does something wrong she cries he is one of the youngest in the year and is immature he couldnt possibly do wrong 🤔 we had a new head teacher he got suspended within a month

Any advice on how to not let pushy people ruin your peace of mind?

Just ignore it? Why are you even giving it headspace? 🤷‍♀️

An amused raised eyebrow can be helpful, then resume chatting to your friends and behaving as you’ve always done.

Don't let her push your buttons.
One person like this cannot change the whole culture!

Oh yes, she was obsessed with firsts. Would be highly annoyed anytime my DD did anything first. It was amusing in some ways but made me a little concerned about her DS in other ways.

As for dealing with pushy people, I tend to say "oh, how nice" and then change the subject. Repeat as necessary. They can only take up as much of your headspace as you allow them too .

AJPTaylor

Yes, my buttons are being pushed here!
I suppose, things haven't always been easy for me in the past and also for ds as he is not too confident and this club has always felt like a positive place where we are accepted and with no big egos to rub along with.

Probably I feel a tiny bit precious and protective about this nice feeling and apprehensive about pushy mum who is super successful in her job and eagle eyed wrt opportunities for her son. It's all about succeeding for her, not so much about the experience. I know I am being judgmental and probably a bit insecure around people like this.

But still sharp elbows are just not so pleasant. Why not try one's best and be not too self-centred?

I know I am being judgmental and probably a bit insecure around people like this.

Blimey, yah think?

Just leave the poor woman alone and get on with your own life.

This club is for the kids anyway. As long as they're happy that's the main focus (or should be).

WorraLiberty haha, I can assure that this woman is no way 'poor'. Unkind and pushy, yes.