Hi Everyone,
This is the first time I have ever posted anything on Mumsnet so please be kind to me!
I firstly wanted to say thank you to the community as a whole because in the early hours of the morning when I can’t sleep and I’m panicking about what is happening to me, I have read so many messages which have kept me going. The past 2 months have been one of the hardest times of my life and this has been one place I could turn to for support.
*Background
I am 39, almost 40, I’ve never been pregnant before. I have a low egg reserve and DH has a low sperm count. Previously I was overweight and unable to meet the target weight for NHS IVF but since turning 39 and with my biological clock and the NHS cut off age fast approaching it spurred me on to lose 4 stone in the past year.
- IVF
We started IVF in October, using Synarel Nasal spray for down regulation and then Gonal F injections for stimulation. During the process I had weekly reflexology to try and act as complementary therapy to the IVF and help with stress levels. I had so many reminder alarms on my phone, it was the only way I could keep everything straight and make sure I took the right thing at the right time. And also make sure I went to the right appointment on the right day.
Next was an Ovitrelle injection prior to egg collection and then Utrogestan pessaries afterwards.
I had 5-6 egg’s developing and after egg collection / ICSI, my DH and I had 1 A grade embryo and 2 embryos which were suitable for freezing the next day.
We decided to transfer the 1 A grade embryo on 26th November.
7th December was the date for the first pregnancy test provided by the clinic. This was negative. We wanted to make sure so did a second test with Clear Blue and this was positive. We tested again the following day with another Clear Blue and this was also positive but on 8th - 11th December I had heavy bleeding and period like pain. I knew in my heart that I was having an early miscarriage. I could not see how an embryo could possibly survive this level of bleeding. I cried virtually non stop for 3 days straight.
I contacted the clinic who confirmed this was not a good sign but that the only way of knowing would be to do a scan, but they advised to test again in a week to see if it was still showing as positive.
On 16th December I tested again and this was positive. But by then we didn’t trust the tests as we are aware false positives can be a problem due to pregnancy hormones in the system.
During this whole time I was still having to use the awful Utrogestan pessaries 3 times a day. It was soul destroying, especially during the 4 days of heavy bleeding but I persevered.
The 2 weeks from the bleeding until the scan were the hardest and most stressful of this whole IVF experience. The endless waiting was almost too much to cope with.
On 20th December we went for a scan and there was no sign of pregnancy. Just as we expected, but you can’t help still holding onto the tiny glimmer of hope that just won’t go away.
Strangely by this time I had no tears left and since then I have just been feeling numb to it all.
*What’s next?
We are hoping to go for another cycle in the new year using the 2 frozen embryo’s. We hope (maybe wrongly) the process may be slightly less stressful as we will be able to skip some of the stages.
We were told when we started that due to my age we would only be entitled to 1 cycle on the NHS, but one of the nurses let slip that the consultant has requested funding before for other women who have just turned 40. We are hopeful that we might be able to have a 2nd chance on the NHS. Otherwise we would struggle to afford to pay for a cycle ourselves.
As Christmas fast approaches it seems like the worst possible timing for this to happen, not that there is ever a good time. Everyone else seems to be happy and cheerful. I have only told 2 close work friends about this and none of my family. I just didn’t want people to get excited and keep asking how it’s going until I had reached the 12 week point. As it turned out it was the right thing to do for me.
I have basically given up on Christmas, I don’t want to see anyone, I’ve been signed off work until the new year and I’ve said to my DH let’s just be miserable together! We will have Christmas lunch but all I can think of is getting through the rest of this year and waiting for 2020. In the hope next time we will be lucky. I feel that I haven’t lost all hope and that I’m not ready to give up yet and luckily my DH feels the same.
I would really like to hear from anyone who is going through or has been through a similar situation.
Has anyone been in the same situation with reaching 40 and officially hitting the cut off for a 2nd cycle on the NHS. Were they able to get funding?
Has anyone been successful on a second attempt, aged around 40 using frozen embryo’s?
Lastly, I just wanted to say to anyone who has just experienced a failed IVF attempt, I know what you are going through. You may feel like I do at the moment like you are wading through fog. You are not alone, please do not despair and hold onto the thought that you will get through this.