Issues with dm

[Holymolymackerel]

As I have got older, married, had children etc I have come to realise my mother is not as nicer a person as I thought.

Some examples
1 both her best friend and sister are on separate cruises with their husbands. My mum is jealous so she said she hoped the ships would crash into each other.
2 she said beans on toast is fine for tea when she last came but two days later she said she couldn't believe I served that.
3 said me and dh should go for an evening out and she would babysit. A few days later, moaned about having to do it.
4 my dd who is 7 loves singing round the house but unfortunately cant hold a tune, doesn't bother me, I cant hold a tune either but my mother laughs at her
5 pulls face behind my dh's back if she thinks he's said something wrong etc

There are so many other examples but that's the gist.

If I ever challenge her, she ALWAYS says she's joking.

What is this all about? How do I find the courage to deal with it?

That sounds horrible and I can understand why it bothers you. She has probably always been like that but you're only just noticing a pattern
.It's hard to accept that kind of behaviour in your mum because everyone naturally wants their mum to be 100 percent lovely.

Sadly I think you can't change that kind of behaviour and you could drive yourself mad for many years if you try. If I were you I'd try and just dispassionately notice the behaviour, vow to rise above it and congratulate yourself for being better than that. Distance yourself. Easier said than done!

Bump

www.bustle.com/p/11-subtle-signs-your-mom-might-have-borderline-personality-disorder-5541111

I have a similar mother, some examples worse some better. Following 6 months of my own therapy, my therapist suggested my mother had some of these characteristics. I found this quite useful in understanding why she is the way she is