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Original poster

Ex DP is getting married today. Feel so low.

22 replies

BilledLotteri · 22/12/2019 11:05

That’s it basically. Ex DP is getting married abroad today. Both my sons are with him (rightfully) so I’m feeling sorry for myself and can’t get into the Christmas spirit at all. They are home Christmas Eve but that seems forever away.
Doesn’t help that she was the OW. I’ve deleted all my socials but Dsis just sent me a picture of my boys and OW. That’s been put online.
Feel awful. Can’t stop crying. And I drunk too much feeling sorry for myself last night.
Ps. I know she’s not the OW anymore but not sure what to call her 😪

OP posts:

beelzeboob · 22/12/2019 11:07

This must be hard for you. But why did your sister send you a picture like that?

GrapefruitGin · 22/12/2019 11:12

So sorry OP, sounds incredibly hard. Here for you to vent to. Have you got any plans today?

Silencedwitness · 22/12/2019 11:16

Oh love that’s horrible. No wonder you feel low. Not very tactful of your sister. Have you got anyone you can do anything with today? I’d go out and keep busy. Do all the things you can’t with the kids around. Clean the house, sort presents, shop anything.

Winterdaysarehere · 22/12/2019 11:17

Well feel smug knowing op now she is the dw there is a vacancy for ow...

Ninjakittysmellz · 22/12/2019 11:19

That sounds utterly crap - tell your sister no more photos for a start!

Can you try and turn it around? Spend the day planning the best year ahead for you and your boys. Pinterest your arse off and think about the future you want - take control of it. Get out for a walk and some fresh air. I find it harder to be sad if I’m physically moving.

I have been in your shoes, and it’s incredibly hard, but the only way to protect yourself and your energy (sorry for sounding woo!) is to focus on yourself and not let their actions enter your bubble! You can control your life, and I would take today as a celebration of the fact you aren’t with someone who treated you like crap. It’s a bloody blessing someone else is stuck with him and you aren’t!

Goslowlysideways · 22/12/2019 11:19

She will always be the OW because that's how she started the relationship. You have every right to be sad. Can you go out? Treat yourself? Have a nice lunch somewhere?
I'm sorry this is happening. Remind yourself how much better you are off than with some unfaithful man. She should be worried because if he's done it once he could do it again

Bluerussian · 22/12/2019 11:20

Sorry for you, Billedlotteri.

TheFaerieQueene · 22/12/2019 11:22

Whilst I understand your sadness, remember she is marrying a cheat. She will never really trust him. Sounds like a fairy tale.

Strawberrypancakes · 22/12/2019 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redcrayons · 22/12/2019 11:27

Ah, what a tough old day for you. Tell your sis to stop sending you photos, you don't to know.

You need to distract yourself. What have you got left to do for Christmas?

Pavlova31 · 22/12/2019 11:27

They get married and as someone has said that creates a vacancy for a New OW.
Take care today Op

Elieza · 22/12/2019 11:33

It sucks. Do things that make you happy. Shut the blinds and dance around with a hairbrush singing along to your favourite tunes. Or read a book and scoff a cake if that’s what makes you happy.

It’s just because you have no significant other just now.

You won’t give a rats ass about him in a couple of years time when you are remarried to the most wonderful man. In fact you’ll feel sorry for her when you see them as you know that once a cheater always a cheater....

crankysaurus · 22/12/2019 11:37

I'm sorry, that sounds shit. I'd also ask your sister to stop sending photos.

Goslowlysideways · 22/12/2019 11:49

Also I can guarantee that you are in the thoughts of everyone there. Your gorgeous children are half of you. She may be having a fancy wedding but everyone will know she or they broke up a relationship and a family. My dad had lots of affairs and he went off with one of the OW. He wasn't a bad dad but to us kids he was always the one who was horrible to our mum.

Original poster

BilledLotteri · 22/12/2019 11:57

Thanks everyone.
My sister is a lot younger than me and she was moaning about the dress, make up etc in the picture.
We have a family party at my other sisters today but it won’t be the same without my boys. Putting a brave face on might help though. Fake it till I make it right?

OP posts:

SouthWestmom · 22/12/2019 12:04

I think concentrate on you getting through it not the old trope of creating a vacancy - was a funny one liner but it's not gospel. Hoping they don't last won't make you any happier.
Be glad that your boys aren't suffering - they are able to make the best of it and attend - in time it will be another adult to look out for them.

Crap for you though, maybe plan for Christmas Eve and look forward to doing Christmas

GeordieTerf · 22/12/2019 12:07

Think of the funniest film/ tv show you’ve ever seen. Watch it. It will take your mind off things

holly40 · 22/12/2019 12:09

Sorry you're going through this.
It'll be a tough few days but it will get better.
(Oh and she'll always be the OW. Noone likes an OW)
You concentrate on you, your family & your happiness.

ExpletiveFairylighted · 22/12/2019 12:12

I agree with Noeuf, I don't like the "create a vacancy" thing, it's not necessarily true and wishing future misery on others doesn't really help you now. When I am feeling down it sometimes helps me if I make a list of things I have achieved in the last year, nice things that have happened, all of these can be big or small. Go to the party, have a good catch up with your family, come home and hopefully have a good night's sleep, onwards and upwards.

BarbedBloom · 22/12/2019 12:44

I don't think the create a vacancy thing helps as I know couples where they are still together years on and no one remembers the OW thing anymore. The person then just feels awful when everything seems to work out. I know this first hand as my ex is now married to the OW, they have a child and seem very happy together. 13 years on now I can see she was a better fit for him and I am happily married to someone else.

Living well really is the best revenge. Allow yourself some time to wallow of course and rage against the universe. Write them both nasty letters full of all your anger and bitterness and then tear them up. You deserve better than him. Your boys will be back soon and then the worst part is over. Do something nice for yourself today that you wouldn't normally do. It is so hard and painful, I remember that well, but best to focus on yourself than wishing them misfortune. Just my opinion though.

mrsbyers · 22/12/2019 12:48

Leave the alcohol alone til the kids are back , it’ll be fuelling your depression

GrapefruitGin · 22/12/2019 13:53

Family party sounds fun, a good distraction for you OP. Don’t feel like you need to put on a brave face, I’m sure your family will understand today will be difficult for you. Do you have someone in particular you can have a quiet word with at the party if you feel like you need to talk? Jump on here if you need to!

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