Would you/did you move near family with kids?

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We live 2-3 hours drive from both sets of family and have a 3 year old and a new baby. We are contemplating moving nearer family and if we did move would want to do it quite soon so that we would be in the new area in time for applying for primary schools for the 3 year old.

Pros for moving-we would be closer to family, would be able to see them more and for shorter visits rather than full weekends which would probably be easier as children grow up and have extra curricular activities at weekends. If our parents needed us more as they get older it would be easier to help them. They would be able to help us (not with regular childcare as all still work at least part time but with emergencies and babysitting). My husband is very close to his family and think he would be happier living closer to them.

Cons- we live in a lovely area with fairly cheap house prices at the moment (North East). We can easily get to great beaches, cities, countryside all on our doorstep. If we stay here we could buy a bigger house in an area with good schools whereas if we move near family (North West) we would have to compromise on house size/area/schools. Also we both have good jobs here and while DH could transfer easily I couldn't so would need to find something in the new area. while we get on with our family I think there is a risk that if we saw too much of them we would maybe not get on as well as we do seeing them occasionally.

Want to make a decision soon both for the schools issue and because we're outgrowing our current house so am desperate to move either too a bigger house here or to the other area. Just need to decide which!

Have you moved in similar circumstances and did you regret it or feel it was the right decision? How important have you found living near parents as they/children have got older?

We did, but under different circumstances. We moved about 1.5 hours from our parents for work. When our DC1 was older we realised it would be much nicer to be closer to our parents so they could have a close relationship with their grandchildren. Luckily my DH finally got a job in the relevant area and we were able to move 20 mins from my parents and 40 mins from his.

The area we live in now is extremely convenient for commuting to various places, good schools, great amenities, close to lots of major towns / cities but close to beautiful countryside and national parks. Plus the distance to grandparents means help with childcare and I'm so happy that our DC are close to their grandparents. For us, we definitely made the right decision. I'd say go for it.

Oh house prices are cheaper for us where we are at the moment, so can't help with that, but I'd say being near family is more important.

I wouldn’t. I appreciate that other people see it differently, but I feel like each generation should have the opportunity to settle and build a life for themselves in the place of their choosing. Because working parents with kids face extra constraints (needing to find jobs, suitable childcare/schools, affordable and family sized housing), they especially need to pick the place they want to live, not feel obliged to stay near where they grew up and where their family live.

Maybe those things can be found easily near family - great. Or grandparents can move near their grandkids - also great. But generally I wouldn’t give up a better quality of life all around, in terms of schools, our careers, nice environment, good housing, established lives in the community and friendship groups just to be closer to family, if that quality of life wouldn’t also be found there.

Of course, I’m not saying this would be the case in your situation - only you know.

We are the grandparents, and we moved when DD and DSIL moved to be closer to his family. We were in the Fens, a place that was convenient 30 years ago. It never felt like home, and the natives are a miserable bunch.

I am the Grandparent and i moved to a different country when my Granddaughter was little. Are you 100% sure your parents arent planning to move away ?

We have a 6yr old and 10yr old and have never lived near either set of grandparents or other family. Never plan to either. They’re all lovely and we get on really well but I don’t want childcare from them as it’s nicer when they see my dc for the sake of seeing them and enjoying them, not because they have to.

Plus I’d hate my mil just popping round all the time, which is what she would do.

The only thing that would make me consider it is that I have 2 lovely nephews who ate similar in age to my dc and they all love each other and play so well together

It’s a tricky one. Not something we’d ever consider as we’re also set up with work, commute, schools, coutryside, beach and London etc.

Are you sure that if you moved you wouldn’t be able to get a decent house in a good catchment?

Yes we did and my children have a brilliant, close relationship with all their grandchildren that they wouldn't have had otherwise. They've helped us massively with childcare, and we help them now as they get older. So it's been good all round.