0 friends among coworkers after over 3 years at this job

[scenicview222]

So, basically the title says it all.

I am naturally a super shy person but back home in my home country I had at least one person in my workplace that I chatted with regularly. At this job I have none. No one seems remotely interested in getting to know me at all.

At this job I feel like an outcast. I am a foreigner as I am not British and I think that might be a factor as well as my shyness.
I am from Italy but for some reason I am mistaken as a Polish girl. I've had a couple of people ask me out of the blue if I was or speak to me convinced that I was Polish. I don't look Italian and I know but then I don't have a Polish accent when speaking so I don't know why they assume that and even my name isn't a Polish one. Anyway, I say this as undeniably Eastern European people can be the object of unmotivated dislike among some Brits. I cannot think why someone would come and ask me if I am Polish otherwise.
I am always polite and if someone says hi or smiles at me I say hi back and smile. I don't think I present myself as unapproachable or stuck up. The people around my age or slightly younger just flat out blank me. The older ones are a little friendlier at least.
I work together with these people on a shift then they might pass by me on the way out while I am sitting down waiting for my cab and they act like they don't know me at all and don't even bother acknowledging me. I find it disconcerting.
There was this girl I had the induction with who initially would smile at me (of course I would smile back)... now she sees me and if I smile at her she just looks at me with this blank expression. Nothing whatsoever happened - I don't have any real interaction with these people so there has never even been the chance for me to even do anything bad lol. I really don't get it.
Oh and before anyone attributes this behaviour to a bad day or something like that. That has been happening every single time now so she can't be having a bad day all the time (and it's not that anyway as she hangs out with others just fine).
I have also noticed people working close to me don't even try to initiate chats with me but if they are put to work with someone else they will have a chat, etc. I am talking about newcomers as well so it's like for some reason people don't wanna speak with me.

You will tell me: you make the first move then. Like I said, I am pathologically shy and more so with people I have to speak to in English. Being super shy has never been a big problem for me as at least in my home country there was always the one person who gave me a chance to open up. Not like this here. I have been in this country for like 10 years now and I have 0 friends. 0. Not joking.
Yeah, I am a loner and a homebody but surely even someone like me should be able to befriend one person at least. I don't bite and I am a very calm and polite person. I don't know what's wrong with me that seems to keep these people here at a distance. They seem willing to initiate a chat with other Brits like them, even with newcomers like I once was, but not with me. Maybe you can help me understand. Thank you.

I remember I was walking and I saw him standing outside a shop. I Passed by him and I was ready to smile and say hello

But you didn’t you passed him by. Didn’t say or do anything.

You blanked him

You have to look at it from the other persons point of view.

If he even recognised you (I don’t recognise people if they are out of the familiar setting)

You walked by. No hello or smile. If he did recognise you he wasn’t going to acknowledge you as you didn’t make any contact either

You want people to come up to you and make the effort but won’t make the effort in return.

If you had made the effort to make connections and actually talk to people when you first started then you wouldn’t be in the position you are today.
Unfortunately you have worked there so long that people have their opinion of you and it isn’t going to change.

Can you not see that asking 100 people to come up to you to initiate a conversation sounds really arrogant.

Not all of those 100 people will be super confident.
They too might struggle with being shy but in order to make friends in their new employment they have to put the effort in and initiate conversations with people around them.

I think what might have happened initially is people did try to initiate a conversation and you didn’t reply or take the cues of commenting and asking something, you have come across as rude and people just lose interest.

You have to remember People are not mind readers.

Your English is absolutely beautiful op. Really, you write far better than alot of English posters on here.

I've had the same in the past, and I just ploughed on being friendly etc but yes its draining when you keep doing it for no reward.

I really think you need a different job. There must be something where your ability to speak and write Italian and English is an asset.

And in the meantime Christmas gives you an opportunity to break the ice a little, take in some chocolates or biscuits to offer round at break time, ask people when they finish for Christmas, and another good tip is to compliment people (only say things you really think, such as “Your hair looks nice” or “Great shoes, they suit you”) Just a few casual remarks.
And the next time a new person joins the company, welcome them. They’ll be grateful for your kindness.
And your English is fantastic!

I temped as a secretary for several years. Most offices were lovely, and several I was invited back, or kept on longer to cover for others. Some were horrible, cliquey & quite frankly rude. Some places your face fits, others it doesn't. Is there a staff room that you could donate nice biscuits (Italian?) for everyone? Try to keep smiling at people, don't let them upset you, & keep looking for a different job. Good luck.

After 3 years of never initiating conversation, I expect your company-workers assume your don't want any. As someone else said, you do need to try to see it from others point of view. I sincerely hope it's not because you are not English.
I do get the shyness but others won't assume you're shy but so want to interact. How would they know that?
You need to practice one conversation starter until you feel more comfortable, then add another. For example - the next person you see, say 'hi, how are you?' You'll get a short 'fine thanks' type response but a massive win as you initiated it. If you're not ready to do that at work, do it with the cab driver or the next shop you buy something in, launderette, cafe etc.
When you've managed that a few times, do it at work. Store up that bravery and move onto the next line 'hi, did you have a good day?' Or after Xmas 'did you have a nice Xmas?' Again you'll likely get short generic answers but people will start to see you being warmer and more wanting to engage. They might start asking you the same back.
If you want things to change, it does need to come from you.
When I've had periods of anxiety and depression I've been sad/cross that others can't see how I feel, but the reality is they can't. They can't see inside your thoughts and feelings unless you invite them in.
You sound so nice and very capable of chatting in English - good luck!

Try to get another job please! You need to be among a different set of people.

I am English and i think i have a typical English/Irish look.... my grandparents on my mums side were Irish but my mum was born in the uk & my dad is English.
Anyway the amount of times people have asked me if i'm polish is amazing. Lots of people i've worked with have asked me if im polish & so have customers.
One customer actually walked up to me and asked if i speak English before asking me a question.
I was like wtf.... i'm standing here in uniform for starters, my company wouldn't employee someone who couldn't speak English as i'd be totally useless for the role i had at the time and i also found it rather odd & rude to come out with that.
Its now a running joke within my family that i'm polish.
I'm also really shy and have social phobia and anxiety but once i'm in my work uniform, its like my shield and i do come out of myself more... no idea why.
I've found that throughout my working life that i get on well with the men but women not so much. I don't know if its my resting bitch face or just that women don't like me.
Luckily i work in a male dominated job so the guys all talk to me, the women barely do, so i don't feel so isolated because the guys talk to me.
I have no proper friends though, in or out of work.
I hope things improve for you.

They will assume you're Polish because thats become a bit of a catch all term for immigrants in some areas of work, epsecially some of the low payed jobs ive done.

Have you tried meetup.com

I go to a lot of their events and it seems to be esecially popular with immigrants which is good for variation.

People may disagree with this but in that sort of warehouse work ive noticed there are peole (bullies) who look for a new victim everyweek like that woman. If you tear into them the first time they try it they dont do it again IME.

Try to get another job please! You need to be among a different set of people

This isn’t about this particular set of people.

As Op said in Italy she only had one friend and she has been here for 10 years, so must have worked/studied elsewhere and didn’t get anyone to talk to her in the previous 7 years

Regarding Polish people, I find them to be friendly & nice, not stuck up at all. I've got Polish colleagues plus visited Krakow recently.

I think OPs problem is definitely her shyness & she needs to overcome it.
I used to be very similar & it turned out that people thought I was stuck up too. But I wasn't.

You really have to fake it when it comes to gaining confidence, until it comes naturally.
Show an interest in others & be kind & pleasant to them.

Hi op
I don't think it's you. I'm exactly the same as you. Polite, smile and go out of my way to commit to my team but no matter how hard I try, people have just treated me like shit.
I think they even had a Christmas drink/do without me as one Friday they just all rushed off and weren't hanging around.

I agree with @Oliversmumsarmy again.