How to react to chauvinist relative.

[Dementedmagpie]

Sorry it's another christmas themed issue.
Me and DH have our own business he works ft, and I do pt including all the accounts and admin. In the last month, and generally at xmas its crazily busy. DH is working 12-14 hour days. He can not think or comprehend anything other than work and hes stressed out at the amount he still has to get done. If I speak to him about anything other than work it goes in one ear and out the other.
So I accept that I will do 100% of the housework, school and DC admin, preparing for guests coming etc as well as dealing with the busy-ness at work. Hes never bought a present for DC in 13 years of parenting, they are a surprise on xmas day, he often doesn't buy me anything as he hasn't had time to go out, but gives me some money to go shopping after xmas.
This sounds really petty but we've invited a relative who would otherwise be on his own at xmas and he always makes comments and insinuations that I don't do a lot. (Womens work) DH will cook Christmas dinner because he really enjoys cooking and finds it relaxing, so will get lots of compliments for that (rightly so as it's always v nice) but the relative always makes little digs about why I'm not cooking, and last year I made a cheeky comment to DH (which he took in good humour) and he said I should respect the person that paid the bills. I was really fuming, and told him we work as a team and we both pay the bills.
This year DH has found work more stressful than normal but I feel like I dont get any credit at all for doing everything else while he focuses solely on work. My DDad died a couple of months ago and I feel like every day I'm holding it together while getting things done. At work it's good to be busy but I feel like I'm not getting any emotional support at home.
And I just cant deal with the inevitable comments about how lucky I am to have an amazing DH who goes out to work and then has to cook Christmas dinner even though it's completely his choice to cook I dont want to just accept it , because the insinuation is that I'm really quite lazy and that it's the womans role to cook, but neither do I want to create a debate at the table or make it awkward.

Tell them there will be no invite next year. One less for DH to cook for.

My sympathies. My mother is like this.
Your DH should be replying to this crap. Which means your DH needs to recognise your input.

As for awkward - it's already awkward for you thanks to this tosser.

I would do an exaggerated yawn every time he said something offensive and play gin bingo with all other family members in on the joke....

Does your dh never say anything to him?

I'm hoping my Dsis will back me up (I know my Ddad would have done, and not cared about being awkward)

...or tell him you are too lazy to bother hosting him this year...

Failing which- ask him what happened to him in life that has made him such a judgemental cunt?

Your Dsis is a woman so that won't work.

You realise it's not you being awkward in this scenario, right?

I would be very disappointed if my husband allowed a guest on our home to be so disrespectful.

But then are you saying your husband has never bothered to buy his children a single present in thirteen years?

I don't know how you stand it. I'd go into a full rant about what I do and tell him if he wants to come ever again he needs to shut up and mind his own business.
Like others have said, he's making it awkward already.

Your husband should be backing you up on this, except it sounds like he holds the same views.

And he should be backing you up emotionally after losing your dad. Not continuing to take you for granted as his housekeeper.