If someone annoys/ irritates or pisses you off- do you tell them?

[Bonfuddled]

I've never been able to bite my tongue but I've reached 40 plus and think I need to start has its done me no favours.

No one apart from on Mumsnet then 😂

That's interesting. I'm 40 plus and think biting my tongue my whole life has done me no favours. I want to be like you.

Not usually no! I don't like confrontation.

If it's DH/DS etc then yes, I would, but most people not unless it was more serious.

It really depends on the context but generally I wouldn't say anything unless I felt their behaviour was deliberately unpleasant or if I was likely to be exposed to the irritation longterm

Can you give some egs, OP?

Yes, always. I love a good confrontation

I have always been a very polite person, re-inforced by my Victorian-values DM and my private school 'training' in the 70s ... for context, I am now 55 and live in the East Riding of Yorkshire where 98% of people of all ages are utterly polite and lovely ... BUT in the last year I have been rude on two occasions, shocking myself, but actually deriving immense pleasure and liberation from it. The first occasion was when I visited the local recycling centre and a twatty young bloke was a sexist idiot towards me (another story) - I told him to f**k off nice and loudly and clearly; he went bright red, looked around to find the staff there laughing at him and quickly drove off. The second time was recently when a 'kitchen fitter' came round and tried to give us a long and patronising lecture about all the (costly, according to him) extras we would need on top of the already ridiculously-high quoted price by the company he was sub-contracting for. I briskly and quite brusquely told him that his visit was a waste of his time and ours, and that he could leave straight away. He was not happy at all at being told this by a mere woman and made this clear as he huffed off.

I was very pleased with myself on both occasions as, quite frankly, life is too short to go through it putting up with abusive, advantage-taking idiots. I wish I'd learned to be like this decades ago.

Yes. I am good at doing it in a way that is assertive not aggressive. I am also open to the idea that I can be annoying to the same people who annoy me.

Ultimately I know my annoyance is my problem not theirs. Sometimes worth mentioning, sometimes not.

Yes I'm afraid I do. Strangely it hasn't held me back. I am confrontational and I certainly don't waste any time worrying what others think.

My time on this planet is limited and precious, I'm not wasting a second of it sucking up my feelings and enabling shitty behaviour in others.

I don't generally say anything but I have the kind of face that betrays my inner thoughts. People know when I'm pissed off!

I can't. Everyone annoys me, especially on public transport, shops, or anywhere indoors, really. My life would just be one long monologue of yelling at people. Too tiring.

I neither bite nor bite my tongue. I'm usually just so shocked by rudeness that I just sort of stare gormlessly in disbelief.

I am also totally unable to bite my tongue
Never have been
It gets me in trouble a lot
Particularly at work

Sometimes I think I've got a bit better with age & wisdom

But not much

I wish I would. I am not assertive at all and my heart starts pounding when I do the smallest of sticking up for myself.

I fell out really badly with a friend last year. I actually stuck up for myself for once. When I re-told the story to another friend she said, “Theres been so many times I’ve wanted you to stick up for yourself, I know it MUST have been bad, what they did, for you to call them out on it!”

I’m not a pushover...I won’t accept bad treatment, but I am more likely to walk away and set boundaries other ways. And have repeated arguments with them in my head where I eloquently and zero-fucks-giving tell them exactly why they’ve pissed me off 😆

I wish I could find the confidence to be a bit more confrontational.

When I was younger I did have to voice my opinion (rather strongly). As Iget older, my family appear to hear about my displeasure about other people/situations more than the person concerned.

In many ways it has done me no favors at all. Family members are extremely passive aggressive types which I really struggle to understand. In the past I have confronted them when they start a campaign. Confrontation has only led to having the finger pointed at me for ruining various events. Its always ended in me being in the wrong. I ended up going NC with many of them 4 years ago but of course that has been seen as "she is off again".

Strangely now I have moved away from them (and maybe getting a little older) and had some counselling, I am much more of a "live and let live" person. I am happier this way.

I did, but the person facing my wrath carries on, pissing me off even more.

Sil has an annoying habit of instead of asking you a question, she will talk about you, in front of you to someone else.
At mils a few weeks ago.
Sil - "where's Fire going?"
Mil - "you're going to that garden centre to get a Christmas tree aren't you Fire?"
Sil- "will they get a big one?", "how will she get it in the car?", "don't they die"
And so on. With mil directing the questions at me and sil blanking me. The three of us were sat in the same room.

I'm absolutely dreading Christmas. Despite hosting and feeding her she won't actually talk to me.

I say something. Could be polite, could be ferocious depending on the original crime.

I dont tell them if its a small thing. I find most people annoying, id alienate myself and be isolated if i complained about every irritating thing others do. Im sure i irritate many, too. There is a line of when its a boundary that was crossed and you owe yourself to say something vs being so opinionated and unhinged and intolerant that you mistake your rudeness and lack of empathy as openness and 'i dont do fake'.

I did the other day. Flat no to a very demanding customer who had been making a lot of demands. I was tired., coming down with chest infection and it just came out.
No.
She went very still. The demand was excessive and my no entirely reasonable.
She accepted the no and went about her business.
I went home for lempsip and a lie down
I dont do flat out no. I generally sidle up to it and gently place it.
This one was very clear. I probably wouldn't have been so firm a few years ago

Depends very much on my relationship with them, how relaxed it is

The more I dislike someone the less likely I am to say anything because that's more a case of :

"Why bother seeing as you are an absolute twat anyway"