Can any good come of this?

[myfavouriterain]

I'll be careful with details here as want to stay anonymous.

My daughter is in primary. I wrote in with some feedback that was meant constructively, I said so top of the page. Basically about how my daughter has experienced things this term and how I have as a parent, if the school saw fit to consider these things for the benefit of all pupils. I thought I was quite reasoned, I haven't kept a copy but I wasn't rude or anything, just talked from my own perspective.

Today, middle of my working day, I got a call from the HT. Without asking whether it was a good time to talk the HT launched into a number of points which were :

• that I shouldn't write negative feedback to the school
• that she is new, has changed some things intending to be better, she then criticised her predecessor
• she criticised my daughter's experience, sounded like she was either criticising her character or mine as her parent for what I had put
• she told me I obviously had a very negative view of the school

I stopped her after a while and said I couldn't really talk right now. Her response to this was that she would usually recommend people let her know at the start of a call if they couldn't talk (despite the fact she hadn't asked, or indicated what the call would be about, or how long it would take)

I took pains to emphasise that it was a complete misinterpretation to suggest I had a negative view of the school as that's not true.

I said I would prefer to meet her, which she Has agreed to.

I'm happy to do it, though it's not how I planned to spend my afternoon and I have work to finish before Christmas. I just wonder whether there is any point.

The HT came across as someone who called me to tell me I'm wrong, put me in my place, and basically doesn't want me to give any feedback about the school unless it is positive. I'm not sure what she intended to gain from the way she handled the call other than that. I felt talked down to, I was being told I was wrong it wasn't a conversation.

I am a working mother, I'd like to think if I called a customer and talked to them the way she did to me, they would be understandably quite mad even where they weren't to begin with.

I'm concerned about being seen as a problem parent, potentially talked about and treated in a hostile manner by the school, just for suggesting a few improvements.

If I'm just going to turn up and be talked at, and told I don't have permission to say anything about anything, I have better things to do.

So.. feedback?

How old is your DD? Is she your first child to go through school?

Do you have any experience of working in a school? Of teaching? Or have any idea of the pressures schools are under with huge budget cuts and low staff moral?

Don't get defensive, that won't help.
Like most big organisations schools have systems. Lots of them. You probably went through the wrong channels to make your point.
She has contacted you, offered a face-to-face. That's good.
Make the most of the meeting and go in with a positive attitude.

Shiraz yes. But.. my perspective on that would be that she hasn't had the empathy to recognise that I also might be under enormous pressure. Most people in society are under enormous pressure these days, are they not? She talked at me, about herself it was not a two way conversation. My feedback actually was intended to help, I wasn't complaining. I was making a point that through seeing my daughter's reaction to something, could help other children.

Sadly very familiar, HT is an incredibly isolated position and it sounds like you’ve got the brunt of some pent up feelings.

I’d go and have a chat, but if you want your future at the school to be smooth sailing you might do some soothing of ruffled feathers. I know from king experience it’s better to be as supportive as possible, or find somewhere else.

I know it’s frustrating.