In laws and DS..

[namechangenumber2]

Hi all

I'm prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable to expect anything different, and am almost hoping this thread will help me to see it differently.

DS is 16 and my son from a previous relationship. I've been with my husband since DS was 2, so he has no memory of life before DH.

DS has always called my FIL Grandad, he's always cared for his grandad ( offering to do things when we visit etc. He's a nice lad, chats to them etc.

Up until 2 years ago FIL would sign of DS's birthday/Christmas cards as Grandad. Since then, he's been signing it off with his first name. More noticeably, we visit him at Christmas with my nieces and nephews and FIL hands all children a card with money in, all other children get a grandchild card and DS gets one out of a pack. I know DS has noticed, but he hasn't said anything.

Present wise, DS gets as much money spent on him, but they insist on being able to give a present to the others plus money ( so they get the same as DS). Unfortunately it's obvious as my DS's both have birthdays close to each other. So DS1 gets his first, then sees the extra fuss over DS2. It's nothing much usually, but enough to look like they aren't so bothered about DS1.

I know they aren't his grandparents, but I don't get the change. DS has lived with DH for 13 years, he treats him like he's his own. DH's brother and family treat DS like he's their nephew as much as their other nephews. It's lovely that DH's family have taken DS under their wing, he has contact with his Dad but minimal contact with his extended family.

How can I stop this feeling a bit hurtful?

It’s strange it’s only just started. Maybe one of the other kids parents have said something. Bloody mean if they have btw.
Is he the eldest? Perhaps fil thinks he should be treated differently because he not a child any more?
I mean it’s bollocks but that’s all I can think of.

Nope not the eldest, there's one slightly older.

I'd be staggered if DH's brother had said anything, they adore DS1 and very much treat him like family

I think your DH needs to discuss this with FIL to ask why and to lounge out how DS is feeling.

Does ds gets presents from his bio dad? Maybe they are trying (and no succeeding) to balance it out.

I don't want to say anything Jelly, FIL is an old man and I'd hate to cause upset between him and DH. I feel ungrateful as they still give DS a present, I just don't understand the change? I can just about get signing cards with his name, but the grandchild card feels a bit more planned

Not much @Freddiefox , and they wouldn't know if he does anyway. They know he has a pretty basic relationship with his Dad, so I doubt they'd assume he gets presents from him.

Are they perhaps starting to think about wills and inheritance? This often sees people differentiate between blood and non blood relatives.

Horrible. And I would be saying something to them OP. If not you then preferably your DH.

He is still a child. Fuckers

@TulipsTwoLips , the grandchildren aren't included in the will, just FIL's children.

What does your dh say? I think he should speak to his father about this. Why the change?