I want to leave my husband.

[Ladykittyvanmeowson]

Right-o

I’ve given it time and I’m still miserable.
I’m not great at writing these things but I will try my best to explain everything.

I’ve been with my oh for 10 years, married for almost 5. We have two young boys.

I’ve had a few problems with him over the years, he doesn’t drink or go out and to my knowledge he’s never cheated on me. He’s kind and loving to the children and we have our moments when things are ok.

I’ve not been happy for a while, we do argue a lot about money, he’s so bloody untidy and doesn’t help out and doesn’t spend any time with me (we used to watch box sets or go out once a month on a little date to the cinema or meal but that’s died a death now) he locks himself away in his computer room playing games.

I’ve not been for well. I’ve got two herniated discs in my lower back and the pain has been absolutely horrendous. Meaning I have taken time off work and also been a bit grumpy. I’ve finally started to get things sorted and had a MRI scan and been scheduled for operation after xmas to have the discs removed, my husband turned round and said to me, “oh I thought you were faking it...to get out of stuff!” I was so annoyed! I’ve been in pain for over a year now and it’s taken a long time to get answers on why. I’ve still been looking after two young children and keeping house ticking over and basically looking after him, a over grown man child.

Anyways I’ve been thinking and I’m not happy, I haven’t been for a while. I talk to him, things change for a little while like he starts helping out and then he goes back to old ways and it’s been going on forever.
I honestly feel like I’d be happier on my own. I don’t love him like that anymore,
more like a friend. So my question is this, how can I leave? I have no place to go, a few months back we were talking about a friend who had left her partner and he told me that our local council put you in halfway houses, full of drug takers with needles lying round. I think he’s been saying it to put me off leaving and it’s worked tbh.

Would the council put me in a place like this? Or a bedsit until they could find me proper accommodation. I don’t have enough for deposits to be able to private rent.
Also I currently claim child tax credits as a couple. Would this be changed to single claim or would I have to move over to universal credit? 🙁

Thank you in advance.

Is the house jointly owned? Could you stay in the house and he finds some where else to live. That would seem a better option for your sons. They get to stay in a familiar environment.

Only you can tell if the relationship is saveable.

However. If you are retaining custody would it not be easier for him to leave?

Ermmm, why would you leave the house? You'd start with kids surely?

Sorry I should of mentioned we rent from one of his family members. I would love to stay in this house but I think if we did separate it wouldn’t be possible.

I work for Citizens Advice.

First, housing.
Do you have a proper tenancy agreement and if so who's name is on it - both, or just his?
I suggest that you register for social housing; demand is usually high and there's usually a long wait, but it's still worth applying sooner rather than later.
However, while you are waiting for social housing and/or looking for something more affordable, I see no reason why you shouldn't stay in the family home. Not unless it becomes unbearable to live with him and he refuses to leave.
You would only get emergency accommodation if you were actually homeless which you are not. You have the legal right to stay in the marital home until there is a court order saying otherwise.

Secondly, finances. If and when you separate you would probably be better off on Universal Credit. That's because you will get the housing element (ie help with your rent) in addition to the child element (the bit that replaces CTC). Working people are often better off on UC than on tax credits and other legacy benefits. The only possible exception would be if you were getting PIP. It might be worth checking your eligibility:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/pip/before-claiming/check-you-are-eligible/
And www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/personal-independence-payment-pip/pip-self-test

Remember also that you would be entitled to child maintenance from him.

Are there significant marital assets (savings, pensions, etc)? If so you should get legal advice.

Lots of helpful info and advice here, too:
www.advicenow.org.uk/divorce-and-separation