Sorry if this is long winded, I am just looking for some advice on a situation and want to give as much information as I can.
So to start this off I knew a lady some years ago due to living locally and a joint interest who has children the same age as mine. They didn’t know each other as the interest was away from the children.
Earlier this year her DS who is the same age as my DS joined my DS’s school due to problems in previous school.
They both have additional needs and both the same diagnosis and I think naively we thought they’d get along brilliantly as we’d started chatting on the way to school ect and so they started to build up a friendship.
The boy has been here and my DS has been to his house both a few times each but it became apparent (to me anyway) that this was more of a forced friendship on mine and this lady’s part and actually the boys didn’t seem to have a strong bond at all.
Nothing terrible between them at all but also just not a friendship as such.
Fast forward a while and this boy comes to our house each morning around half an hour before school time.
As soon as he gets here he sits on his phone watching videos loudly which I’m guessing is maybe routine to him in the mornings but my DS has his routine of dressed, breakfast, teeth and hair and then his programme before school and it became quite difficult to keep them both happy with different loud volumes on.
Boy also went through a stage of going into each room of the house when visiting as I was getting ready for work looking through draws and cupboards and taking sweets ect.
My eldest DS was very upset by this and was the one to discover it as he’d left his GoPro recording after making a video and we saw the other boy enter his room checking around him and searching through all of his things. Resulting in missing coins from his collection.
Fast forward again and the boy stopped coming in the mornings due to another commitment and he joined DS’s class due to problems in other class.
My DS said the boy gets him in trouble allot and “tells on him” for things such as a friend letting him in line ect and sais he’s being horrible to him when DS sais he’s not. He said boy tells him to shut up and go away and doesn’t want to play with him.
I didn’t think this boy was the type to behave like this but last week my DS said that he’d tried to make a joke about “being on top of the Christmas tree” as his jumper for Christmas jumper day had a tree on it and the boy accused him of bullying. This concerned me allot so I spoke to the school.
The teacher said that she knew it was a joke it just wasn’t taken well and the other boy actually got into trouble and had to miss some of lunchtime for shouting.
The teacher also said that she didn’t think there was really a friendship between them and that although the other boy misunderstands things sometimes with my DS there are people my DS prefers to play with and they wouldn’t force a friendship.
I have said to my DS that if he doesn’t want to be friends then that is fine so long as he stays kind.
Fast forward again to today and boy comes out of school and announces “yay, after Christmas I will come to your house again every morning”.
My DS asked him if they can have a break as he feels like they’re not getting along the best. I ask them both if they’re friends at school so we can go from there and my DS said to the boy that today he shouted at him allot and found things to tell on him for and also that he bought up last weeks joke again and accused him of bullying again which upset him.
Boy denied all knowledge at first and then said he did tell on him.
Boy doesn’t seem to like my DS much but tells his mum that they’re best friends and the school teacher said that he possibly believes that in his own way.
Boy went off home and now I am feeling so terrible all around as I don’t want to push this friendship onto my DS but also don’t want to upset the other boy as I know he has additional needs too and finds social situations tricky just as my DS does.
I also don’t know how to approach this with the mum as although we know each other we’re not close at all more acquaintances and she can be very quick to accuse people of bullying and being unfair and I don’t want to cause problems for my DS.
All I want is to speak to the mum about the fact that although they are both lovely boys, there is no real friendship there now and that forcing it will probably cause issues to arise rather than be helpful.
How can I approach it and basically say no thank you to the morning visits in the new term without seeming unfair or unkind?