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Original poster

Face book question. Teenager panicking!

33 replies

notacooldad · 18/12/2019 10:17

One of the teens I work with is in complete panic!.She was accepted as a friend of a young man she liked. Apparently she liked one of his posts and commented on another first thing yesterday morning. She spent a lot of time scrolling through his posts throughout yesterday.
Last night he put a status up that he was being trolled so he is having a break from fb.
She swears she only liked and commented once. She is convinced he knows she has been strolling.
I don't think he would have known but don't know for sure.
What do people think?

OP posts:

Bezalelle · 18/12/2019 10:18

I think it's a ridiculous situation that you should stay out of!

AlaskaElfForGin · 18/12/2019 10:21

Is this really a 'teen you work with' or is it you?

Either way, it's a nonsense situation.

Original poster

notacooldad · 18/12/2019 10:38

Definitely teen, I do young people and family support work.
She mentioned it this morning as we support helping difficult to engage kids to school.

OP posts:

Clangus00 · 18/12/2019 10:43

Why does she think he’s meaning her?
I’d tell her not to worry but maybe be more careful on social media.

LonginesPrime · 18/12/2019 10:47

If this is real and you're the professional in this situation, how is it ok to post the details on MN? It's a pretty specific situation.

Original poster

notacooldad · 18/12/2019 10:47

Clangus00
I have absolutely no idea. 8.15 in the morning was too early for teen drama but I said I would try and find out for her!!
I think she thinks it is more than a coincidence that he needs a break from fb after she has spent hours scrolling🙅‍♀️

OP posts:

mywrencalls · 18/12/2019 10:49

You shouldn't be posting things like this online, if it's true. You're breaking confidentiality.
It's also a completely non-issue.

Original poster

notacooldad · 18/12/2019 10:49

If this is real and you're the professional in this situation, how is it ok to post the details on MN?
There's fb issues nearly every shift that me and other key workers deal with every week similar to this s I font think it is unique.
I did say I would go on some chat forum to find out more how fb works.

OP posts:

HmmmSuspicious1 · 18/12/2019 10:51

If he accepted her as a friend then it's obvious she would/could read through his posts. As long as she hasn't commented anything weird on them I'd say she's ok, it's probably someone completely different.

Original poster

notacooldad · 18/12/2019 10:51

Ok. So when I pick up ( shes probably moved on by then anyway,) I tell her it is a nonsense situation and completely ridiculous.
Thanks for your replies.

OP posts:

Dyrne · 18/12/2019 10:52

Surely your job here is to support them and stop them overthinking everything; not to feed into the drama and promise to “find out”?

The logical solution is that someone “Trolling” someone involves commenting mean things, mocking them, making things up - essentially online bullying.

How in the world does this equal “someone commented and liked one of my posts”. You can’t even tell if someone has looked at your Facebook profile, so unless she liked every single picture going back 6 years, there’s no reason for him to be aware of her actions, let alone be freaked out by them.

You’re doing the teen a disservice by not shutting this down immediately.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 18/12/2019 10:52

It is a pure coincidence. It sounds more like someone may have been sending the young man private messages, rather than in relation to her liking or commenting on his posts. Tell her it’s nothing to do with her.

On the other hand, has she shown you what she has said? Is there any change she’s making this up for attention or has said more that she’s let on? If you’ve seen the posts and there’s nothing strange in them, then please refer back to my previous comment.

FuzzyPigeon · 18/12/2019 10:54

It's possible she's hit like by accident on many posts while scrolling through. She can check this by going to settings and then activity log, where it will show all her likes and comments.

But there's no way to see that someone has been viewing your profile for hours if they don't interact.

coralisland · 18/12/2019 10:56

She can look at her activity log to check she hasn't accidentally liked more posts than she thought.
If you click on the Facebook search bar, type in activity log, it will come up as the first option.
The log shows everything you have liked, searched for, commented on, etc, and who each action is visible to.

coralisland · 18/12/2019 10:58

But I agree with PP, she needs to learn that Facebook is not the be all and end all.

Original poster

notacooldad · 18/12/2019 10:59

Surely your job here is to support them and stop them overthinking everything; not to feed into the drama and promise to “find out”?
Sure my job is to support but I had a 45 minute journey with a highly strong teenager who was refusing to go to into school.
I couldn't give an honest answer so I said I'll see what it's all about. We've already done the internet safety course around fb so she had a reminder about that as well in the car this morning.

OP posts:

AJPTaylor · 18/12/2019 11:09

Coincidence or some one has hacked his account and invited lots of people to be his friend.

itswinetime · 18/12/2019 11:19

Being trolled means he is receiving abuse...horrible messages creating, fake profiles and causing trouble etc

Scrolling through all his photos isn't trolling it's more Facebook stalking so either she is t telling you something or the message isn't about her.

Sagradafamiliar · 18/12/2019 11:21

I think she would know if she'd been trolling him or not. Teenagers are savvy when it comes to social media, if she used FB as it's meant to be used, i.e. liking and commenting, then she knows she did nothing wrong. It's you who needs convincing for some reason.

eniledam · 18/12/2019 11:28

Okay, speaking as a young-ish person, I think you've both got very confused.

There's a clear difference between "scrolling" and "trolling".

No-one can see you how long you spend scrolling down someone's profile. Liking and commenting on a post isn't trolling.

Trolling is being harrassed or mocked online, almost a form of bullying. I highly doubt this boy will have thought this is what your teenager was doing.

Original poster

notacooldad · 18/12/2019 11:30

I'm surprised of your dealing with Facebook problems regularly this hasn't come up....if it's such a big part of your job I would suggest doing some further training in it as it seems like a really nothing issue to diffuse to me.
I'm not on fb and havent paid much attention to it. We deal with the internet safety side if this ( dont accept people you dont know, don't accept friends you dont know, dont arrange to meet up etc) Usually the fb fall outs are around friendship groups.

OP posts:

nancy75 · 18/12/2019 11:34

Do teens even have facebook? DD tells me its just for mums & old people. I thought they all just used instagram

LonginesPrime · 18/12/2019 11:34

I had a 45 minute journey with a highly strong teenager who was refusing to go to into school.

If her anxiety is so high that she's refusing to go into school, legitimising her social anxiety is the worst thing you can be doing.

I appreciate from what you've said that you're a transport chaperone and not her therapist, but I'd suggest you get some advice from CAMHS (or whoever's dealing with her mental health) about how to deal with her catastrophising when she comes up with these worries on your journeys.

As a chaperone, your interactions with her are the last ones she has before she gets to school, so yours is a really important role in managing school refusal.

RowenaMud · 18/12/2019 11:37

She sounds like she suffers from anxiety. FB is just going to add to this. It would be a very good idea to advise her not to send friendship requests to people she isn’t very familiar with and to advise her to limit the amount of time she spends on it. A troubled teen spending hours looking at FB accounts sounds so unhealthy.

Original poster

notacooldad · 18/12/2019 11:51

The yp doesn't suffer from anxiety.
She didnt accept from a stranger but from someone from an activity group.
I had calmed her down and managed to get her into school by saying I would find out more about this issue. I've known her for 2 years so we generally have a good relationship. Getting her to go in was a huge achievement as she can go missing or abusive once we get to school if she doesn't want to go in.
She isn't normally worked up like this and once we are on our way she is quite chatty so with her being upset I knew it was important to her. I'll see her later but will be doing a 1:1:session probably over the weekend or on Monday so will talk more in depth about this.

OP posts:

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