How to encourage DS to DO fun things

[OhGrrrreat]

Ds1 is 10 and a real homebody. I get that everybodys different but i's starting to concern me a little because he will happily sit on his bum the ENTIRE weekend with either the remote in his hand or the ipad. I don't allow him to obviously but it's so difficult getting him out for some fresh air! Ds2 is the opposite and loves being outdoors so we rarely get to do things as a family. He calls ds1 boring.

DS1 is not very sporty although he enjoys watching football. I encouraged him to join a local football academy but he said it's 'not really his thing'. He used to go swimming on a Saturday but is no longer interested. He was happy for me to put his name down for scouts and karate but we live in a small town with not much happening so these particular activities have long waiting lists. He likes chess but unfortunately there is nothing of the sort locally for juniors, I did a lot of ringing around. Dh drags takes both DC to a youth club occasionally on a Sunday where he volunteers but Ds1 calls it a snorefest. He even refused afterschool clubs. What do I do??

I've asked him numerous times if he wants friends over, (he's only ever had one friend visit our house) but he said no. Ftr he has friends at school and is popular so no issues there. I enjoy having him around the house but there's only so much lego, baking, crafts etc we can do before he is itching for devices again. When we visit family (I do force him to visit dparents once a week), he acts so bored and pesters for my phone or keeps asking when we are going home. He's 10 now and it seems quite rude. It's like he can't socialize or hold a conversation with adults. He enjoyed playing with his cousins before but finds them boring now too.

Any suggestions? Is he to get worse as he becomes a teen? He is a lovely lad, incredibly bright and makes me laugh every day. We do watch things on Netflix together and have meaningful conversations but I want him to enjoy his childhood and not be seen as a couch potato

Anyway what I mean with screens is it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

He is old enough to negotiate with. Why don't you sit down as a family (or just him, you and dad if you feel siblings would be inappropriate) and let him know that you're concerned about his lack of interest in anything non screen related, see what his ideas are, put forward yours and see what he comes up with in discussion? Obviously parents have the final say, but I think this can be such a powerful tool to use and it helps him to learn skills of negotiation and goal setting as well which will help him in the future. It is easier to enforce rules when everyone has agreed to them. You just have to give reminders, rather than nag so much. Also, set a date to review the new changes so he knows he has a chance to ask for changes as well - but you all have to give the new rules time to settle in. Personally I think I would agree on screen time limits, for everyone or just for him, it doesn't really matter - whatever feels right/fair. I would make a list of clubs/activities and get him to pick one to give a try. It can be something you do as a family at the weekend, or a club he goes to alone. And I'd discuss changes with regard to food. Take a couple of weeks to think and discuss with DH if you like and present all this as new years resolutions?

@helpfulperson I try and be a-matter-of-fact about the exercise and fresh air as opposed to trying to sell him the idea. So walks etc are not really meant to be fun but not a chore either. Activities I admit I do want him to enjoy and have fun doing, I mentioned upthread I didn't get a chance to do any of these growing up and it could partly be why I feel so strongly about it.

@Leeds2 that sounds like a good idea, I will ask Dh about local teams and see if it's something they would like to do together. (I'm not into football at all!)

@Foghead yes DS enjoyed swimming for a while but claims to no longer be interested. It took him forever to initially learn to swim, and another on the 'not his thing' list. Camera idea was great and worth a shot. I tried the rules list in the summer holidays, but with every day being different and some days DH home alone and some days me, and ds2 playing up badly, we couldn't stick to it. But we will look into it again.

@wejammin Great suggestion! He isn't into Pokèmon but ds2 is obsessed, it could be an activity they do together. They currently bicker 24/7 and may help them bond.

@BertieBotts I hate to admit it too but there are days when I get him off the TV (bbc iplayer) and he will wander around for a while before grabbing his iPad. I will get him off that and he will dig out my phone. And as soon as my back is turned he's back on the TV with Netflix or YouTube. it feels like a losing battle.

Parkour sounds really cool. I doubt there will be anything similar in my sleepy little town but I will ask around. I had a frank discussion with him earlier and he said he would like to try Boxing. So tomorrow morning I will find out about waiting list and plead ask if they can take him on.

Ds is a fussy eater but I have never pandered to it and only make 1 meal and everybody has to eat it. I alternate with everyones favourites so if one day it's something he doesnt like the next day he most likely will. I read on mumsnet once where a poster told her fussy DC he/she was allowed to turn down 5 foods and that is it. I implemented it (or tried to) and that really helped.

Negotiation is a good way of dealing with certain situations and helps him feel like a grown (up as he is 10 going on 30). We negotiated that if he gets a good report and good behaviour at home and school this academic year then he will get a ps4. But I am going to add in him adhering to the agreed controlled screen time too.

He sounds similar to me - I preferred reading and being inside. I did try a few things (tennis, horse riding, ballet) but I’m not that sporty and hated having to give up a lot of my leisure time.

Jigsaws? You can get mats to roll them up if not completed. Domino’s (the game) with younger brother? Approach the school and see if there’s an appetite for a chess club?

Haha I think that might have been me with the 5 foods :o Either that or we both read the same post and got the same idea! Anyway we have moved on from it because none of us could ever remember which foods were on the list and we gave up.

We have screen time trackers on everything and some things will automatically time out when the allotted time is up. It just helps as a tool. But you have to really stick to it. We kept making half hearted efforts to stop it but it was only when we made a concentrated effort to actually do it that it made a real difference. Screens are really made to be addictive, and they're aiming that addiction factor at adult brains, not children's brains. They are so much more susceptible to it.

Good luck with the boxing - might be a good one if he is competitive.