Does anyone have avoidant personality disorder?

[FuckedUpBig]

Since I can remember I've been afraid of social interactions. I find it difficult to make friends, develop friendships. I just sit there at work in silence doing my workand am pretty sure I make everyone uncomfortable. I loathe myself and have low self esteem and low self confidence. I am socially inept, I guess I never really had the chance to develop them at s young age.

I always thought I had social anxiety or maybe cptsdbut am beginning to think it may be more than that. I may be wrong. Should I go to a private psychiatrist to give me a diagnosis?

Does anyone else have this?

Damn it, van der Kolk.

Herman's book addresses trauma arising in childhood, Inc from the less visible traumas like emotional neglect. There are passages in it that came to mind when I read your posts. Which is why it was my first thought.

I'm so grateful that you started this post op. I've always felt different and have struggled making and keeping friends, avoiding social situations and relationships due to a massive fear of rejection and a lack of self esteem. It's getting worse as I get older and I feel increasingly isolated. I hadn't heard of avoidant personality but reading up on it now has had me in tears because it describes me to a tee and has given me hope that I could get help to improve my situation. Thank you.

Hi OP, just a side note. There are quiet people in every office and (as a social and outgoing member of staff) I very much like them and still appreciate the work they do. Maybe they don’t get involved in much or join in the fun or banter but I don’t see them as any less valuable as long as they do actually do their work. Some people are very socially awkward and again, I don’t think anything other than ‘they are uncomfortable’ and try to be a bit careful in my interactions with them to make them comfortable. So just so you know, being extremely introverted in work doesn’t mean people think anything bad of you. Some people are not kind, we all need to avoid them.

Oh darling, yes I was diagnosed formally. I rejected it, of course. I was diagnosed several times, in fact. Sometimes you have to hear it more than once before it sinks in. Like most personality disorders, you want to hear that it’s everyone else’s fault first, then your life isn’t worth living, then you find the middle ground. It’s not as dramatic, but that’s the real world. Yes, there are contributing factors that ARE other people’s fault - the significant traumas that broke my wiring, etc. But I have to take responsibility for the thoughts that provoke my reactions, and expect them to perhaps not be entirely normal. MOST people are not my parents. MOST people are not rapists. MOST people are actually primarily concerned with their own thoughts and feelings and are not paying attention to me (or you) at all. Rather comforting fact, really. Our own inner world should not be bigger than our ACTUAL world.

There's a lot of me in many of these posts. I was screened for Asperger's at a specialist unit almost nine years ago. The diagnosis was negative but the doctors there didn't suggest what MIGHT be my problem.

I have a teenage daughter who has always struggled in the same way. I’ve always supported her the best I can and we discuss her feelings and take baby steps when it comes to any social situation but what would your advice be in terms of helping her before adulthood? Is it a GP I need to see or do I seek a private therapist?

First of all, you're not weird. Lots of people feel the same way as you in social situations. Me included.
Being anxious, not being able to make small talk, chat with strangers, face interviews isn't a disorder. It's just one way that some people are. Paying someone a load of money to give you a label isn't going to make any difference, if anything it might make you feel worse!
I'd suggest just seeing a counsellor. I did and it helped massively with my feelings of low self esteem. I came away with loads of useful tips on how to manage my anxiety,particularly when going for interviews.

Yes, I was diagnosed with this at 17 (by a psychiatrist) following a breakdown. However, I am probably a 'milder' case than most as I have generally had friends and am quite chatty, although I have avoided public speaking and responsibility at work and am pretty quiet in many social settings, especially groups.
I think it is true that it can't be changed, but can be managed. I take SSRIs which help with the depression. The older I get, the more I realise that most people struggle with one thing or another - and that everything matters a bit less as well!

why does everything have to have label these days?

My friend struggles with this a lot. He has a diagnosis of avoidant personality disorder. His brain lies to him A LOT, just like yours is doing. He's told me that he constantly feels like nobody really likes him and he's just a social burden and he finds it all too exhausting to put his 'face' on for social interaction. He went to his GP who forwarded him to a psychiatrist for diagnosis. Group therapy worked the best for him but sadly Norway is not the greatest for continuing group therapy programs :(

I love him to bits. It takes a lot of reassurance and reaching out on my part to get him to ignore the brain lies; some days are worse than others and I've learned to respect it when he says he just couldn't with a planned social event. It's not his fault, just as it's not yours how you are. I hope you make head way with a diagnosis and therapy OP. Don't give up, it can be better.

@vikkimoog because sometimes having a name to put to a feeling/problem gives a person the strength they need to accept that it can be addressed.

Hi OP thank you for starting this post. And thank you happyspud, that’s so nice to hear.

I am the same. I avoid interactions with colleagues, even my neighbours. At work I would quite happily lock myself in the office and not talk to anyone - just get loads of work done. I often feel like a misfit and just don’t get it, ‘it being how to interact with people and have banter’. I just don’t have banter.

I have questioned if I have aspergers but I score low on online tests. I have a fairly successful career but like a previous poster, I lack confidence in myself and avoid interactions and responsibility. I am often silent in team meetings but I am working on this and it’s getting better (slowly).

Going to look up avoidant personality disorder now. There’s something not right but don’t know what.

You’re not alone.

PurpleDaisy2114 did your GP happily refer you it did they try to offer you primary care first? What did you tell your GP?

Sorry only just seen this. I went 'armed', as in I described my history and had filled in a questionnaire. I insisted on secondary care referral and because I have been on anti depressants for years that helped. He said it won't change anything and was reluctant but I took my husband with me and was persistent. Good luck!